So, after thinking a bit more about the things that were bothering me yesterday with Chris, I've decided that the general population doesn't need my internal vomit. So my paper journal will be the sounding board for the details about this one.
What I DO feel comfortable sharing is that the issue stems from Chris breaking another promise to me. It was a really hard thing to deal with, hard to hear and hard to understand. In my hurt, I got quite angry and lashed out. I said things that I'm not sure I meant-- that's still to be determined. Worse yet, I said them where the kids could see me yelling-- they couldn't HEAR, but they could see (they were in the running car on the driveway, I was in the garage with Chris) I'm not proud of that moment. I truly lost it-- haven't done that in a long time!! Point is, I feel completely like the idiot.
His promises to me have ALL been broken- yes, every single one. Why I thought that in forgiving so many HUGE broken promises, he would finally 'change' his ways is beyond me. I've heard him say how much he's changed, how much he's learnt, and I guess I just thought keeping promises (OR, better yet, NOT MAKING ONES YOU DON"T INTEND TO KEEP!!) would have been part of that change.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
I feel like the idiot. No, I'm not looking for any pity parties. My girlfriends/sisters tell me I'm not the idiot, but it doesn't matter what they say...It's just a feeling I'll have to get over on my own.
On OTHER issues:
I signed the kids up for the Baptist Church Soccer program. It was scary, being at the 'block party' where registration is, because I thought about EF a lot. That's where we met- through this soccer program. Just icing on my tumultuous day- I didn't want to see her that day. I didn't see her there.
After that, I went to the mall to try to find a swimsuit, since my last one DEFINITELY doesn't fit anymore! 50 lbs, I'd HOPE it doesn't still fit! After scoping out a few stores, I ended up at Swimco and tried on something similar to this. 
BY THE WAY-- losing 50+ lbs in the course of a year-- I may be MUCH thinner than I was, but there's NEW issues with swimsuits I've never encountered.
One, I do NOT have this:
I have something more along the lines of THIS: (hahahahah)
so that was DEFINITELY not helping my bad mood yesterday. After the bikini-top wardrobe malfunction incident, I tried on bottoms. Uh, I don't think the internet even HAS pictures of said nastiness! LOL Needless to say, I did NOT purchase a swimsuit. Owning said suit means being SEEN in those suits! AHHH. I wouldn't do that to people.
on that note, I will eat the rest of this nasty poptart and WILL be running tonight!!!!! 
So help me, I will run!!
Friday, June 27, 2008
My Issues
A Fallen Angel?
I have a dayhome kid here. We're calling her Angel. 
Which she is-- she's barely 1-year old, but walks and does stairs (fairly new accomplishment, so sometimes her way of "doing stairs" involves taking the family escalator...aka...falling). She is ALWAYS happy, she is probably 50 lbs of pure love and joy-- rolls on her rolls type of girl. She's probably THE sweetest babe I've ever met, and seriously doesn't cause ANY issues here. I've seen a lot of happy babies, but she takes the cake. It's easy to love her.
So, two days ago was a pretty warm day outside. My back door gets the sun for most of the day as you can see in this picture, so the kids were in and out of the backyard, playing.
In and out, back and forth, filling cups in the bathroom to take outside and put water in a tub on the deck, getting snacks, adding said snacks to water tub to make a nasty paste of guck that I now get to clean up!...ew... etc.. being kids. Good thing they're cute and well behaved.
Angel is no exception-- in and out of the back door. So, when she stood at the kitchen table and cried and cried, it was odd. I was making lunch, so I figured she was ready for food and her nap, which were BOTH imminent. I let her cry-- there was nothing else I could do-- she needed to eat and sleep and I can't make the food cook any faster.
When I finally went over to her, I picked her up, and her crying continued. I put her on the carpet-- crying still. ??? this is odd. Finally, I forgo the lunch for her, give her her bottle and take her upstairs for her nap. It was the first day of her mother's request that I alter the formula ratio in her bottle, trying to 'wean' her to water at bedtime. So, when I changed her bum and put her down, she continued to cry and cry. Obviously she was SUPER tired. Wouldn't take her bottle, which didn't surprise me because it tasted oddly like water! lol Frustrated, she'd take a few sucks and then scream in anger.
I closed the door and went about the day.
*cue hours later*
She wakes, I pick her up out of bed. She's crying. ????????????? At this point, she should be 'better', but she's still crying. Bottle is done. I take her down the stairs, and put her on her feet at the bottom of the stairs onto my tile floors. She falls to her butt in what appears to be rage, continuing to cry.
Into the cupboard to feed her a snack/lunch that she missed. I grabbed one of these, 
and, standing at the pantry, offer it to her. She makes an attempt to get up to walk to me to get it, but on that instant, she cried out again.
AHHHHHH!! LIGHTBULBS GOING OFF!!! 
Let's go back-- she had fallen down a few stairs earlier, as per her daily ritual. She falls down the stairs nearly once a day. Not the full set mind you, but a few, sometimes. And when she does, it's usually nothing of note.
So, instead of going to her, I stand there, offering her the paw, now with the intent to watch what's hurting her. She tries to stand, falls to the floor. So I walk over to her to investigate her leg, which I assume is hurt somehow.
I pick her up gingerly, and look at her feet first. Bottom up, is my method.
The verdict is on her feet, RIGHT in front of me...
One giant blister from her heel to the pad of her foot, recently popped when I stood her up at the bottom of the stairs, and only NOW I notice the 'water' in spray-form underneath her. Every toe is blistered.. EVERY one.
???? Blisters????? From what?!
Notice the sun beating through back door? What you may not notice is the metal threshold. 
Poor thing likely tried to step on it and burnt her foot so badly. I administer 'first aid' (hours late, but what do I know!?) and bandage it up. Then I have to tell her parents.
Gah. That bit the big one. They take her to the Doctor--- SECOND DEGREE BURNS!! :( I feel awful. I hope her parents don't hate me for life. :( Soooo bad of a dayhome mom.
So, in lieu of said accident, what am I up to today with my three imports??? We're buying a rug to place over metal threshold so this doesn't happen again. What I don't get-- why didn't any of the other 6 kids mention it was hot? Why did she keep her foot on that heated thing for so long-- as, because of the degree of burns, the Doc said it HAD to have been there for a while! :(
First first-aided issue at the dayhome. Let's hope it's the last for our little Angel, and let's hope it's not in the near future for someone, ANYONE, else!!!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
I'm Not Ignoring You
I may not post too much for the coming week for a few reasons--
- My kids are gone with Chris now, so there's no funny stories to share. This one, however, is cute:
Bear: Soup or Beans!? WHAT ARE SUPER BEANS!???
haha, he's so cute.
- I only have a few dayhome kids tomorrow and then 4 whopping days of NO kids. Which is slightly good because yesterday was the first day I had to administer first aid to a child, and I feel slightly sick about it! :( Will blog about that later (I'm off to pick up Bear's soccer pictures and medal, and register the monkeys for that Baptist Church Soccer camp)
- I'm dealing with a few things emotionally (Chris related, obviously) that I'm not quite ready to blog about. But I will. I just want to own my feelings first, to really know what it is I'm feeling and be able to express myself accurately.
- On top of that, I have a million things I wanna do while my house is (mostly) empty.. wash carpets, stain decks, clean house, garden,..all those things I need to get on top of and have all the time in the world to do them in. And hopefully good weather for!
New song I love:
Realize- Colbie Caillat
I think I'm gonna buy her album tonight. My 'weekend alone' album. Her music is all great, and I like her sound.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Wednesday Ws
Who: Sin, V, and I
What: went walking
Where: regular 'route' around the paths and such in Cranston
When: last night
Why: Other than the obvious answer of trying to lose weight- after my FIRST NIGHT rollerblading this season, I really enjoyed last night's walk. We had some tight conversation and there were laughs and, believe it or not, I think V got close to tears a few times. The exercise is always a bonus, but I think that I need those walks more for the friendship and the love from those girls than I need to walk for 2 hours. I love them, I love how they don't judge or look down on me, I love how they confide in me too. There's something to be said about girlfriends who you can be 100% yourself in front of and not worry that they're gonna turn around behind your back and think about you any differently. That I can be assured that my personal 'issues' and stories are no worse (or better) than anything they've done or thought.
Who: LL and Chris
What: went on LL's Birthday Date
Where: to the movie "Kung Fu Panda"
When: last night, after soccer
Why: every year on my kids' birthdays, they not only get their pictures done and their new 'outfit', but they get to go on a date with one of their parents. LL always picks Chris, which I think is AWESOME. I loved going on dates with my Dad, although sharing my dad with 5 other sisters didn't allow for many one-on-one times like that. Which made them that much more special. She picked me one year, but usually it's Daddy. I love watching how excited she gets on her way out the door, and since I was out with Sin and V yesterday walking when they got home, I didn't get to hear about it until this morning at breakfast. She loved it, and raved about her night for a while. It melts my heart.
Everything aside between Chris' desire for me, his desire for his children and time spent with them is fantastic. He loves them and I'm grateful for that. He is a great Dad-- an even better Dad now that he doesn't take his time with the kids for granted like most of us do. And the kids adore him- as they should. It makes me love the Father in him more and more. I will ALWAYS love that in him, as LL pointed out last night-- She asked if Chris and I were still 'partners'. We've always told the kids we were partners so that they'd realize that asking Dad for something didn't mean it was okay to ask Mom if he said no. They've realized that fact early on, because they knew we were a team. He's still my 'teammate', and I can't say anything bad about his playing style.
Who: Ms. Moneybags herself... (me, in case you were wondering.... and in case you're wondering--read that with OOZING sarcasm!)
What: took her van in to be fixed and maintained
Where: the mechanics'
When: last night, after soccer, before LLs date
Why: well, we've been meaning to get the van fixed for a while. We knew we wanted to get it done and ready before the divorce goes through, so that the financial burden was equal, seeing as it was an issue before the divorce-talks. We were advised to take care of those types of things, so that's what we're doing. In addition to that, Chris is taking my van to his camping trip with the kids, as it's a better option than his tiny Golf and it makes more sense to do it that way. So he needs it to be safe as he drives through the mountains. So, we dropped it off last night. Got a phone call this morning from the mechanic. There's a bunch of crappy things wrong with the car, but it wasn't going to cost tooooo much.
Until he did a certain check and found a leak in the power steering.
Yah, said leak is in the "guts" of the car, and needs to be replaced. Instead of the first quote, I'm now stuck with a HEFTY $3300.00 quote (taxes not included!) . AHHHH. At this rate I'm gonna be homeless and eating pizza crusts out of the dumpsters!~ Thanfully we aren't going to be 'broke' because of how we rearranged our finances recently. But still, that's a WACKLOAD of cash I could use elsewhere! ;(
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Tuesday Tunes
another 'tunage' post.-- I've got Wednesday Ws, so maybe Tuesday Tunes is a new one too! No worries, I'll still post REAL stuff.
Today's tunes on YouTube:
He's so cute in this one--
(how talented is this guy!?)
- Lie Low- by Plumb
Monday, June 23, 2008
The Final Countdown
Haha, I'm so dorky-- that title makes me think of that song!
7 days left in June. Then it's officially "play time".
6 days until next Sunday, where I sit alone, enjoying no cheerio mishaps, no crayon peelings, no spilt sacrament cup water all over my dress! (And that's usually Mimi's doing, but not always! lol) Hmm... maybe hot guy will be there again! LMBO!
5 more days ... uh.... nothing exciting happens on Saturday. I'm hoping I will be able to help out a friend's garage sale, then take off with her for the evening, as she's moving to MEXICO next week!!! SO we're trying to get together one of these days before she moves!
4 more days until I can wash these carpets!! Until my house has the ability to stay clean for a few days!!! IN A ROW!!! Until I don't have to be conscience of 'when the hand is up' (the clock) for snacks or lunch or naptimes or whatever. Until there's no more soccer for the year, unless I put them in the Baptist Church program at the local soccer field. 
We've done that for three years, and it's FANTASTIC!!! This night is also the night Chris takes my three monkeys to Nelson, camping for a week with his family.
3 days until school is officially done for the year. Until I don't have to make lunches, and ensure that there's enough bread and such for said lunches. Until I don't have to be home at certain times for LL to come home from school.
2 more days until Sports Day at school.. I used to LOVE sports day. I hope it's good weather for them.
Today. Last day of being in charge of snack for soccer. I have to buy/make/think of an End-Of-The-Year gift for LL's teacher, the bus driver, soccer coaches...ect. Gah. Laundry, packing clothes for the camping (now that they're cleaned! lol) and general cleaning. AND EXERCISE!!!!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
"Busie" Weekend
(haha, a friend of mine spelt busy like that once, and it makes me laugh now...)
The past few days have been great. I'm tired like crazy, but great, just the same.
Friday, I took the kids out to the store to get LL's birthday photo outfit. On their birthdays (or close to it), I get them a new outfit and they get their photos done for the wall and grandparents. She was so cute-- she wanted her hair 'grown up', so this is what it ended up like, although it was different in the studio, as in THIS picture she had been playing outside for a while. Her pictures will be cute, too.
Then we played in the backyard for a bit, taking photos.
After they were in bed, I went for a run, as usual. Picked up Sin, and we walked and walked and walked. We picked up another friend, V, and ended up walking for about 2 hours!! It was 11:30 pm before I even got home! Gotta love Summer Solstice, where the heat is perfect and the sun's out for ages!
Saturday, I spent money AGAIN! AHHH. Well, this is because I didn't have a camera, and was dying without it. I've been borrowing my Aunt's camera-- SECOND one she lent me because the first one the kids lovingly bathed for me! :S I don't want to have that happen again. Thankfully I've budgeted pretty well this month, and the new camera wasn't horribly painful! Look how pretty it is, though! And it takes AWESOME pictures. lol (not that it has ANYTHING to do with the photographer, haha)
We took off to the zoo with Sin and her daughter. Although our kids were ALL tired and wore out fairly quickly, we had a great time. The sun was out, the baby elephant was out, and the messy cherries were out too, hence the kids' messy faces. lol
We came home, the kids played at the neighbours' waterslide, watched a movie and had a sleepover in Bear's room. (love her bum--)
FULL day yesterday.
Today's a bit overcast, but we're on our way to church anyways. I'm hoping it's a bit nicer later this afternoon so we can go for a walk or something. And use my camera! lol :)
Friday, June 20, 2008
Breaking the Mold
Mould? mold? well, whichever, I'm breaking it! lol
Yesterday was the end of the parenting course. And it was awesome! lol. The second day was all about legal stuff, so I learned quite a lot, actually, which was helpful.
I'm sitting there, with a question, so I asked it. Now, let me preface- when people ask questions, it's usually a "my good friend" type of question-- you KNOW it's about their situation. So, I asked a question about mediation. Mediation is a procedure where the two parties and a mediator discuss issues calmly and write down a 'parenting plan'. It's highly recommended, as it keeps many issues out of court. Chris and I have already somewhat MADE a parenting plan. We just need it to be written down. So, when I told her we weren't fighting about ANYTHING, the classroom fell silent and she went off for a good 10 minutes on how that's not normal, how a "Tim Horton's divorce" is as rare as a solar eclipse, etc etc etc. She thought I was disillusioned, I know she does. I kept telling her how it was, and she kept telling me that it's not likely that 'simple'. ????
So, I went home to Chris. I sat down on the couch with him and we talked for a good 2 hours almost about everything I learned in class, about our next course of action...all that junk. It was a GREAT conversation, as I told him flat out why I decided to make June a non-trial month. I felt understood.
Side note-- AND WARNING to family members--- this next part may make people squirm, but it's my blog, so too bad! lol
It's been three weeks since I last had sex. AHHHHH!! lol I didn't think I'd care, but man, once you've gone through that 'gate', it's soooo hard to just go cold-turkey like that. I know, I know, you don't want to know that. But I've decided it MUST be PMS-- why else would I be crawling in my skin and cranky the day before!? lol Of course, Chris is all mad that he didn't get 'goodbye sex'. We laughed. yah, too bad, buster.
I got SOOOO much done on my list yesterday, which put me in a much better mood after getting it done. I still have a good chunk of stuff on today's list. And then I have the kids this weekend. YAY FOR ME, it's supposed to be hot and sunny all weekend! YAY!!!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Don't Mess with PMS
I am cranky cranky.
I don't even have a REASON! PMS? Maybe. Tired? Slightly. Stress? Likely.
Just seems like sooo many things yesterday annoyed me. I hate days like that. Especially because I don't know what to do to 'fix' them. grrr. Not that I made it any better... I COULD have gone for a run, but instead I stayed home and watched X-weighted..which, surprisingly, put me in a worse mood. A run would have been a better choice. But I didn't want to.
Yesterday-- cleaned up hot chocolate in the basement, which led me to clean OUT the basement of Chris' stuff and a bunch of other things I was hoarding. Oh, do NOT let me hoard in the basement-- childhood flashbacks ... AHHH. :P Now the pile outside on my curb for the garbage man to take away is chalk-full of broken toys and garbage and all the OTHER foods (other than hot chocolate) the kids have been sneaking (Mr. Noodle wrappers, broken crackers, soya sauce-- don't ASK!! ew).
I got the lawn mowed and stuff yesterday, but didn't get the final plants into the garden-- I plan that today. Gotta do SOMETHING today. In fact, I have LOTS of things to do today--
- recycling, (I miss curbside so much!)
- drop off clothes for the Salvation Army,
- pick up our marriage certificate,
- pick up my contacts,
- make an appointment with a Dr,
- plant flowers,
- clean,
- fold laundry and put it away,
- Get an appointment for my van to get repaired
- pay stuff off and open up a new bank account
- and most of all- sneak in a nap with the dayhome kids and try to get into a better mood.
This picture makes me smile! And not for the reasons you think-- This is a joke with Sin and her sister, Shell.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Wednesday Ws
WHO: Three two-year olds I have in the dayhome.
WHAT: Got into trouble
WHERE: In my basement
WHEN: Yesterday, while I was making lunch
WHY: First off, let's reiterate-- they're TWO years old!! Three two-year olds tend to do stuff like that. As I'm making lunch, the one kid who ALWAYS cries, and who's always within arms' reach, WASN'T! I knew that meant one of a few things: he's dead. (possible, considering the other 2-year olds that were with him). He's sleeping (less possible, but has been known to happen once or twice). He's into something. (BING BING BING!!!)
Let's go with the last one-- The three monkeys had been in the basement with my food storage. HOT CHOCOLATE everywhere!! HOT CHOCOLATE alllllll over the three of them, and all the toys and the carpet and EVERYWHERE. grrrr.
SOOO, lunch gets put on hold as three turds get bathed. lol.
They looked like little brown bears, COVERED from head to toe. Ew ew ew. Into the bath. Can you SEE how dirty the water is?! LOL
WHO: A bunch of sad, disturbed, angry people and I
WHAT: took the Parenting After Separation course
WHERE: downtown at the courthouse
WHEN: last night
WHY: Well, LEGALLY, most of them HAD to be there. More women than men. Some with young kids, some with teenagers. Some first time divorcees, some multiple times. The blonde bombshell with her fake boobs to the ratted-haired welfare mom with holes in her runners and her teeth. EVERY walk of life, every age. But the thing that struck me- I have it easy! I have a spouse that doesn't fight with me every conversation we have. He's never hit me. He's still on the same pages of me as far as raising our children. In hearing about some of the other stories of divorce/separation, I realized more and more that I am blessed to NOT have those instances in my life. Not only because, hey, who the freek wants to deal with an ex from you-know-where, but because it gives me hope that maybe, JUST MAYBE, my kids won't get all screwed up from this. They're loved by two parents who are STILL parenting together. They have boundaries and they are encouraged to ask questions and encouraged to love each other. I don't know how other divorces work, or what the parents of those children do to either 'help' them become great people or scar them for life, but based on the class last night, I think I couldn't be doing things much differently if I tried.
*I'm not perfect, no. And in spite of my rants or comments here where I may not say positive things.... Chris and I, in a totally weird way, have a near perfect separation.*
His friend (who was at our wedding) was also there. Holy weird hey? He's got the ex from you-know-where, and as I drove him to the train station, catching up, I felt soooo grateful we're not in the courts, we don't have restraining orders or haven't been arrested, we've never had to involve the police, we're not fighting over ANYTHING. I was super blessed. So I came home, connected a bit with Chris on the evening, and then he asked for a hug. First hug in 2 1/2 weeks... and it didn't feel the same.
WHO: LL
WHAT: had her intake interview
WHERE: at the school Bear's going to (FFCA)
WHEN: yesterday after school
WHY: they wanted to test her, to see where she is and to evaluate if they want to take her as a student next year.
It took a bit longer than the time-frame they gave me, so when the teacher came out, I was a bit worried. Turns out LL was just social (shocker there!!!) and they were having a great time. LL hit every milestone on the head, the teacher sang great praises about her, gave me a few things to work with her on, and then said, "welcome to our school next year, LL!" I am SOOOO happy. Only ONE school for my kids-- and to top it off-- it's the school I really wanted them to attend. LL is super excited, and although she'll miss her friends from her current school, they all live close so she'll be able to play at the park and such. 
On top of that, she's got current friends from church and the neighbours that already go to FFCA, so she's excited about that too.
YAY!!!!
Conversations of Note
I have 10 pounds. 10. That's all. No prob, right? RIGHT?!!!!!
Monday, June 16, 2008
On Becka's behalf
For those who KNOW Becka.. her blog got moved to www.beingbecka.blogspot.com as her old one got shut down in the move. So go visit the new one! ;)
Broken
"I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived."
Margaret Mitchell
So, having a blog is fun-- I get to vent, and get to share my life, and best yet-- people who I don't know have found this blog and commented, which expands MY world. And I like meeting new people, making new friends, and seeing other's lives. Let's face it, I'm nosey like that. ;) So, HolyMotherOfGod commented, and on HER blog, I found that quote. I like it. Especially at this time of my life. How true= I'm happy to look at the 'broken' pieces of my life and remember it at it's best than to see the broken-ness for the rest of my life. I really connected with this quote today.
My weekend, you ask?
IT ROCKED. nothing short of fantastic! Seriously! I'm LOVING the support from friends and family, but more importantly, I'm loving the inner support from above! I don't even BEGIN to take credit for the peace and joy I'm feeling lately- I don't quite get it, and anticipate one day just hitting the wall, but so far, I see positives and light.
Friday, once the kids were packed into the car with Chris, I went o ut for dinner with Sin and her kids. For some reason, I got total 'sick-feeling' RIGHT as dinne r ended, and so our grocery shopping trip got nixed so I could go home and be sick. I chilled on the couch, then went to bed. No sickness.
Thankfully, Saturday morning I was 100% back to normal (HAHAHAHAHAHA, normal!!!!) . I got ready for the eye-Dr appointment. A few hours later, and a whopping 650$ later- I can see! AHHHH!! Raped at the eye-Dr! grr. After that, I was NOT in a shopping mood, so I ditched my house-stuff shopping list, and took off for home. The sun was out, so I decided to stop off at Stupidstore so I could get ahead of my gardens. Another hefty price-tag later, I got home.
My garden looks MUCH better now, although there's still work to be done. But I got so much done without kids bugging me for food or whatever. After my girlfriend Kare came over for a bit, I took off on a run. For some reason, my knee started to hurt. That bit. No matter, I ran through the pain, and went for my walk with Sin after. We DIDN'T laugh as hard as usual-- what is WRONG with us!? lol I think we were too busy walking up a nd down the killer hill at Fish Creek. uhh, my butt!
Came home, chilled, went to bed.
And then Father's Day. I was really worried about it, but it was a GREAT day. I wore a new dress, which always makes me feel better. I got to church, sat down with JUST MY SCRIPTURES! Do you know how much I DIDN"T miss the diap er/quiet bag? Cha~ loved it.
Sat with Sin, had a GREAT day actually LISTENING to every talk. And didn't feel emotional in a bad way at all! I had THREE dinner invitations, which are SOOO considerate and I love everyone who thought of me. After church, I went to Becka's place for dinner with her family. It was great, amazing food!~ Beck, your family is so cute.
Got home, where Chris was in the driveway. MAD. Turns out he had planned a golf-game and thought I'd be home at a certain time. *I* thought we agreed on a DIFFERENT time than he did, so the communication got mixed up on that one. First weekend like this, I guess that's slightly expected. He yelled at me, but I was happy to see the kids so I stayed positive. When they got into bed, I calmly told him how I didn't think that it was appropriate, and I was sorry for the miscommunication. He agreed and will try not to get angry w ith me if the kids are around. Reminds me-- I have a "Parenting After Separation" course tomor row and Thursday. Blah blah blah-- how lame. Whatever... just get it done.
Wanna know a few cool things today?
- LL has an intake interview for FFCA, that school Bear got into. I'm hoping this is as positive as his! YAY.
- I won a trip for 4 for a river rafting expedition! Woo. I did it during the TV show with my GV friends, and we had a blast. So I'm hoping this next time will be just as fu n.
- Mimi decided to take one of my favourite bowls/dishes off the counter and drop it too the tile floor, breaking it in peices. :( Okay, so this isn't part of the "cool things" of the day. It's just good she's still alive and I didn't kill her. I loved that bowl. Good thing I'm a Pampered Chef consultant (albeit an inactive one!) who can replace it a bit cheaper than buying it straight-out! Oooooh, I didn't even think of it, but the broken bowl issue ALSO matches my quote from the beginning of this blog. MAN I'm Smarter than you look! ;P
And, because Broken Things is a GREAT Song.. here's the words I love so much... hope you love them too!
broken soil grows grain
broken bread feeds man for one more day.
Broken storms yield light,
break of day heals night,
broken pride turns blindness into sight.
Broken souls that need his mending,
broken hearts for offering,
Could it be that God loves broken things?
Broken chains set free,
broken swords bring peace,
broken walls make friends of you and me.
To break the ranks of sin
break the news of Him,
put on Christ, 'till His name feels broken in.
Broken souls that need His mending,
broken hearts for offering,
I believe that God loves broken things.
And yet our broken faith, our broken promises
sent Love to the cross.
And still that broken flesh, that broken heart of His
offers us such grace and mercy, teaches us with love undeserving.
That broken soul that cries for mending.
That broken heart for offering.
I'm convinced that God loves broken me.
Praise His name! My God loves broken things.
47 questions of Me
Time for a dumb meme,
1) Were you named after anyone?
kinda-- my aunt has Debbi(e), and my other Aunt has Ann... voila: Debbi Ann
2) When was the last time you cried?
The afternoon of the email from Anonymous. Before that, probably a week or so.
3) Do you like your handwriting?
Yes, actually. I don't often WRITE, though, so I guess I should more accurately state that I like my printing.
4) What's your favourite lunch meat?
Tandori chicken or something like that. I'd say bologne, but Paul would keel over, I'm sure of it! ;)
5) Do you have kids?
Yep, three monkeys whom I love to pieces.
6) If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
Yah, I think I would. It's always good to have hot friends! ;P
7) Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Do you KNOW me!? Yes, alllll the time!!! When I'm cranky, when I'm flirty, when I'm happy... everything.
8) Do you still have your tonsils?
Yes.
9) Would you bungee jump?
I suppose i WOULD, but I'm not in a huge rush to get in line. It's not something that appeals too much to me. But I would if I HAD to, yes.
10) What is your favourite cereal?
mmmm, tough one. Probably granola-- but a reallllly yummy one. I also like "LIFE". As for sugary type, I like honeycomb and Sugar Crisp.
11) Do you untie your shoelaces when you take off your shoes?'
No, not always. Depends on the shoes.
12) Do you think you're strong?
Physically: I'm working on it
Emotionally: I'm working on it.
13) What's your favourite ice cream?
Something with YUMMY nuts in it. Or vanilla, if that's the other option.
14) What's the first thing you notice about someone?
Probably their hair. I'm also a 'mouth' person, so I'd notice their lips and teeth and smile.
15) Red or Pink?
Red, all the way.
16) What is the least favourite thing about yourself?
Physically: Thighs
Emotionally: The need to be right
17) Whom do you miss the most?
sisters.
18) Do you want everyone to send this back to you?
Well, I suppose they can tag themselves if the mood so strikes, but no pressure.
19) What colour pants and shoes are you wearing?
haha, my pants are pink Mickey Mouse jammie pants, my socks are inside-out, white with blue toes.
20) What was the last thing you ate?
Dinner at Becka's house-- so, technically it was dessert- sherbet. mmmmmmmmm
21) What are you listening to right now?
Treehouse TV, and the kids somewhat arguing over who's pen is who's.
22) If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
Probably orange.
23) favourite smell?
vanilla and men's cologne
24) Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Becka, actually.
25) Do you like the person who sent this to you?
First off, if I didn't like them, would they send it to me? And then, would I pass it on? And then, would I SAY I didn't like them? No matter, I like both of them (Miner and MC)
26) Favourite sports to watch?
hockey, hands down.
27) hair colour?
Brown
28) eye colour?
Brownish hazely green
29) Do you wear contacts?
Yep.
30) favourite food?
I like all food, but not tapioca or bread pudding-- those are NOT pudding.. they're vomit.
31) Scary movies or happy endings?
Both. Don't scary movies usually have happy endings anyways?
32) Last movie you watched?
School of Rock on TV last night with Kannie and Uncle.
33) What colour shirt are you wearing?
My black X-weighted hoodie.
34) summer or winter?
Summer, all day every day (except for Christmas day! ;) )
35) hugs or kisses?
Both, but hugs preferred. Depends on whom I'm giving hugs and kisses to!
36) favourite dessert?
Creme brulee, sherbet
37) Most likely to respond?
Who knows!
38) Least likely to respond?
people who don't read my blog! lol
39) What book are you reading right now?
Well, I'm in the middle of that "Power of Now" book, but it's too hard to follow and not doing too much for me.
40) What's on your mouse pad?
Taz, from Tiny Toons (or whatever he was from)
41) What did you watch on TV last night?
I told yah, School Of Rock.
42) Favourite sound?
Birds (but not "cawing" birds... the pretty little songbirds)
43) Rolling Stones or Beatles?
Beatles all the way
44) What's the furthest you've been from home?
I spent a year in Japan.
45) Do you have a special talent?
I guess I have a few-- depends on what people consider 'special'.
46) Where were you born?
Dead Rear, Alberta
47) Whos answers are you looking forward to?
?????
48) What type of test ends the questions at the lucky number 47!?!!!!
Friday, June 13, 2008
Feeling Loved
In lieu of yesterday's post, I'm not really in a "blogging" mood. That being said, I have things to be grateful for and want to ensure that they're acknowledged.
First off. Chris came over for soccer again. We didn't end up going. Instead, I let him read the comment and my reply. He was as dumbfounded as I was as to who would think of writing those things, and although he was upset that I put everything out there for the world to see, he seemed to understand why I did it. He assured me that he does NOT feel as Anonymous thinks he feels. He does not want this to slow down. He was surprised on that Sunday morning, but knows this is the best choice. It was good to feel loved- as he was really upset that I had had to read that and that it was obviously causing a lot of pain for me. His genuine concern for me was validating. I'm upset that an outsider had such an effect on my personal perception of my marriage for those brief hours.
After he left for the night, I got a phone call from a friend. It put me in a much better mood, so I went to GV night-- even though I had previously decided not to since I was so upset. Girls night was good- we watched 27 Dresses, chatted, ate and just laughed at the silly things we do or say.
I'm glad the evening turned out better after all.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Angry and hurt....
Dear "Anonymous" who replied to the "it's not you, it's me" blog,
Normally I wouldn't reply to a comment like yours, but I need to explain something-
I WAS working on the marriage as best as I knew how. I was willing to see past his MULTIPLE affairs, I was willing to see past the fact that he doesn't find me attractive (and I was actively working on that), I was willing to work past the many times he said I wasn't enough for him, that he hated being married.. MANY other things that I wouldn't say publicly.
It wasn't 'the moment he moved out' that I decided it was done for good= I decided that before he left. AND SO DID HE, he just doesn't know that I know he thought that. I did what he wasn't willing to do... because I LOVE HIM and know this is what he needs to be happy. But I thought it was important to keep those things to myself until the month was over. Because Chris means more to me than I think you understand, I couldn't let that type of thing go unsaid, as it wasn't fair, so I told him anyways. Were you there? Did you see our tears? No, you didn't.
He doesn't want to slow it down. He'll admit outright that he's been pushing me away for probably years, that he hasn't worked on the marriage almost EVER! It was a shock to him, yes, but he has NEVER told me he wants to slow down, so why would I? As far as I know, he's happy with this decision too. His confusion is MY perception, and, unbeknownst to the general population, we talked about that just last night. He knows this is final. And has not said he wished it wasn't.
He wants the best of both worlds, and he can't have that.
"Maybe it's time for some tough Love"... love? What you say is not loving. Tough LOVE my butt! You don't have the balls to tell me who you are, or to tell me your opinion (about something you know obviously so little about) to my face or, *GASP*, more discreetly and kindly than on a public blog where you make me feel attacked.
I take responsibility for many things. But not the affairs. Not his feelings of getting married for the wrong reasons. Not his inability to love who I am and support that. It wasn't just him, no. But I was WORKING on it, he was not.
Don't reply to this blog to attack me if you don't know me, know Chris, our relationship, or know anything about the situation. You have amazingly ruined what was a good day for me in the midst of many hard days. Thanks, I appreciate that.
Yay For Yesterday
I'm so happy:
yesterday we got notice that Bear got accepted into FFCA, a public chartered school. He's in the everyday morning class, which isn't our first choice, but is TOTALLY fine by me-- he's in, that's all I care about! Having him accepted gets Mimi and LL on 'sibling status', making them more likely to get in as well! :) I'lll be phoning today to see where LL stands now. When we told her that Bear wouldn't go to the same school as she, she started to cry. "But, I won't get to play with him at recess. I won't get to ride the bus with him!" It was sooo touching that she had been looking forward to spending that time with her brother. I'm hoping she can get in too.
I also got a run in-- first one in too long! This rain stopped for the evening, so I got out (thanks again, Uncle) for 2 hours! Of course, some of that is walking with Cyn (SIN...lol). Which is also one of my favourite parts of the day-- the laughing that ensues from our pushups on the busstop benches, or the sudden 'turret's syndrome' conversations are too much for my belly-- it's no wonder I'm down to my GOAL WEIGHT!!
YES!! You read that correctly!! I got down to the 142 that I was aiming for during the show!! Less than a year, by like, 2 weeks! YAY!!!!!! After GETTING to this weight, I see much more room for improvement, though, so it's not the end. New goal, 10 more pounds. Let's see how that goes!!! This running is doing wonders!! Becka, I owe YOU for that!!! Thanks.
Yes, I'm in a good mood now. :)
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Wednesday Ws
Who: Cyndi, Regan and her 2 monkeys
What: Ate dinner
Where: at my house, in my kitchen, at my kitchen table
When: last night- they were VERY patient too, as we didn't eat until nearly 7 pm because of soccer and jobs and such
Why: because I still haven't figured this out-- I don't need to make 5 times the food I normally did when Chris was here. I knew I'd have A LOT of food left over, and since they had no dinner plans and they're lots of fun to hang out with, I figured who better to share my mistake!? lol
Who: ME (it's all about me anyways, right!? lol)
What: getting cabin fever
Where: well, obviously at said "cabin"... la casa a la ME!
When: For the past 2 weeks, nearly!
Why: because this darned rain hasn't stopped! I haven't mowed the lawn for TWO weeks today because it's been so crappy for so long. It's looking BAAADDD!! I have had dayhome kids in the house for over a WEEK, we're all DYING to get some sunshine. I think my skin is flourescent white now! I looked at the forecast for the weekend- shocking-- RAIN!! RRRRRRRR.
I am SOOOOO grateful for a day yesterday of laughing and laughing. Of good conversations and of LOTS of love.
Who: Me (again, we know, it's all about me anyways!)
What: Looking for ideas!
Where: It doesn't really matter WHERE the ideas take place
When: Friday night, Saturday and possibly Sunday this weekend
Why: I am childless, as this is the first weekend I have without my kids. I have an eye-Dr appointment Saturday morning, and I COULD go cheer on a girlfriend on her 1/2 marathon. I need things to do. Sunday's church, but that's the only 'planned' thing on the weekend. I COULD drive down to visit with Dad for Father's Day (and Mom). Just not sure how I'll feel this weekend. THoughts? What ideas can you give me!?
I wanna know what YOUR Ws are... so add your OWN Ws to the comment page!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
A La Marci
SINCE 2OO8 STARTED
-------Have You-------
• Had a bf/gf : Nope, just a husband
• Had your birthday: nope.. mine's on Hallowe'en.
• Cried: Oh yes. see posts from the other day to even the past 5 months!
• Had someone close to you pass away: not really.
• Pulled an all nighter: yes. Not by choice, but because I was so upset I couldn't sleep. BIG difference.
• Drank tim hortons: I think I may have had a Timmy's hot chocolate. Yep. pretty sure I have... oh... wait... NOPE! That was in December. Nevermind, then, NO!
• Gone on a shopping spree: Kinda- with Fred, the stylist from X-weighted. It was fun having a personal shopper.
• Gone to the movies: Yes. Last movie was for girls' night-- Baby Mama.
• Been to the beach: Yes. I went to the beach in Vancouver in February with Beau, and with CC and Shae.
• Bought something over $100: groceries isn't a "thing", more like thingS... so no. I don't think. Oh, yah, the vacuum. The wonderful vacuum!!! "It's very sucky!"
• Met someone new : yes.. many people. Most recent 'met' is "Stan", from Toronto.
• Been out of your home town: only to Lethbridge. Nowhere really exciting..
• Done something crazy: uh... hi, my name's Debbi... have we met?
• Had drama caused from something you said or did : Um, again, have we met!!!!?
• Thought about moving: Yes, obviously. But thankfully I don't plan on having to move for a few years, if then.
-------In The Past Month-------
• Kissed someone: Yes, Chris. my kids.
• Slept in a friend's bed: nope, only in my own.
• Snuck someone over: uh, NO!
• Snuck out of your own house: yes-- all the time! I am berry berry sneaky! I sneak out when I don't want the kids to know I'm leaving. But Chris or Uncle knew I was leaving, so it's not FULL sneaking.
• Been to a bar: not in the past month, no.
• Gone over your cell phone bill: I don't have a cell, so no.
• Drove somewhere: YAH!! I am a mom aka: taxi. Of course I drive-- I drive LOTS of places.
• Done something you regret: funny, I can actually answer no. I don't regret how I've been in 2008 at all.
• Drank alcohol: nope. I'm clean.
-------Last-------
• Thing you bought: milk and a redbull at Macs'.
• Person you hugged: dayhome child "G".. He's a sucky boy.
• Person to call you: Dayhome mom to check on her unusually cranky child and make sure he's better than the screaming son she dropped off. It's like nursery, people, they get over it fairly quickly.
• Person who messaged you: "Stan"
• Time you took a bubble bath: I don't like baths and bubbles make my skin too itchy. So, maybe when I was 12?!~
• Time you felt stupid: Uh, what type of stupid are we talking about-- like, I-didn't-know-something stupid, or I-just-did-something stupid? Didn't-know stupid: February. Did-something stupid: today! LOL
• Time you walked a mile: I walk about that much everyday, at least.
• Person who saw you cry : "Kannie" and Uncle and my kids.
• Person who made you cry: Do I need to answer this? Chris, as if you didn't know.
• Person you watched a movie with : I actually don't know... probably Uncle and Kannie and possibly even Chris. Oh, no, never mind-- I watch movies EVERY day with the dayhome kids. I've seen Enchanted more times than I care to admit in the past 24 hours!
• Person you danced with: wow...uh.. I haven't danced in forever. Chris, I think.
• Person you yelled at: Mimi, to get her to stop biting another kid. LOL.. mom of the year, I tell ya.
• Person that told you they loved you: My sister.
• Person to make you smile: Stan and Cyn, interchangeably.
• Friend you missed hanging with: Pamps and Lars.. thems were goodtimes.
• Person to have a serious conversation with: Cyn
• Person you dated: Chris
• Thing you did last night: Went to soccer for LL, had a banking meeting with Chris and our neighbour (who's also our financial advisor/banker) laughed on the phone with Cyn and my sister, went to bed.
It's Not You, It's Me.
Yesterday was another example of Chris just not 'getting it'. After he left, I just sat there, dumbfounded and shaking my head. The only thing I could do was laugh to myself. At the same time, I feel bad for him-- I HONESTLY don't think he gets it!! This is over.. Seriously!
Something's wrong with our generation. What is happening to the sanctity of marriage? Why are so many of my friends unhappy in their marriages-- are we all disillusioned into what we think marriage is, when reality tells us it's not? Coming from SO many different backgrounds and beginnings, families and beliefs, why are all the marriages suffering? Okay okay, not everyone is going through this- but many. Many of my close friends. Even many of my not-close friends. SOOOO many women are dealing with an unhappy marriage.
Seriously. Is it us females? Or is it the men? It seems that it's the men with the 'issues', but did we bring those issues onto them, or did we just pick guys we didn't know had such issues? Are we gluttons for 'punishment'? Does everyone have these issues, but not everyone has troubles dealing with them? Did our parents have the same problems or is the world just getting worse and worse? Are there men who feel like I feel, and believe that marriage is for EVER?
Monday, June 9, 2008
Have You Ever Wondered...
Some things to ponder-- some are old ones, some are new ones:
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
ROFL-- I love this one
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
