Wishing for Daisy Halos - Three March 30th posts

I'm a little miffed today. I was looking for possible flights for Chris for the weekend when my brother has his farewell and my niece is being baptised in Vancouver. (background for all you who don't know, Chris is working a LOT these days, trying to finish up a huge project that is very far behind, so he can only come out Saturday night and has to be back to work for Monday morning.)

Anyways, called Airmiles, to use my mileage, and they can't get him home Sunday night. only Sunday morning, which totally defeats the whole process. So, I check Monday morning, early, and he'd be an hour or two late for work. So, I ask him tonight what he thinks.

He says, well, looks like I'm just staying home.

He doesn't understand that this is really important to me. And it's important to my siblings and my niece that he's there. Just one day. One.

Really bothers me that he just didn't care. So, I ask him-- well, how much are you willing to pay without using the airmiles? He answers a hundred. ARE YOU JOKING? Not even using the AIRMILES was that cheap with all the stupid tax and airport improvement fees and junk like that. Who's he kidding?!

I know I have to pick my battles in a marriage, but I feel this is important. Is it? I mean, it seems like EVERY time I'm in BC he's not there. It's like he doesn't want to be there-- EVER. I already know he doesn't really want to be there this time.

Marriage isn't 50/50, so the fact that EVERY holiday his family throws I attend without griping. yah, I love his family, but that's because I know them. He knows my family, but not as well as I know his. How many times has he visited MY home? How many times have I visited his? I know, I know, NOT 50/50!!!!!

grumble grumble grumble........So sad. Our favourite missionary got transferred (tomorrow) to Lethbridge. He came with greenie to say goodbye. Chris wasn't home, laundry was ALL over the front room (including "delicates" I would rather have thrown under a cushion or something) and LL had just spilt milk alllll over the kitchen floor. "i can do it myself, Mommy". uh huh.

Sunday we meet the new guy--they're coming for dinner. He's going on 20 months, so he'll leave here too, most likely, on his way home like the last elder! Weird. How often does that happen?!

Anywho, so we talked a bit about the new elder who's supposedly coming here. I'm just hoping that he's cool. Not like our hometeacher's companion-du-jour from Sunday. He is a great guy, but brought along a new guy Chris has never met. Well, Peter Priesthood started bringing on the questions.... Are you a member? Why not? Do you want to take the discussions? What's taken you so long to join the church? How come you haven't accepted what you know is true? You should be baptised by now. Do you wanna take the discussions? Doesn't it bother you to know that you won't be with your family for eternity? Do you wanna take the discussions? Oh, wait, do you wanna take the discussions?

ARGGGGGG.

the mood in the room could have been cut with a cooked spaghetti, it was SUPER thick! At least Chris is starting to see that not ALL members are loosey-goosey and equally not all members are Convert-the-world people either. There are extremes to both sides, but thankfully the ones in my family and in my friendships are pretty down-to-earth about it all and realize that he may not have entered the waters, but he can swim like a fish sometimes!

There's only going to be ONE person to come into Chris' life with the ABILITY to talk to him like that and actually MAKE a difference. And trust me.... it isn't you. or you. Or anyone who THINKS it's them. Or me. oh yah, did I mention it probably isn't that guy, either?

BTW-- update on Tito...
got made into an "it" today. Isn't quite himself but they vet says that he'll get over that in a few days and be back to his kitten days. Maybe he'll stop peeing on stuff too! Cuz if he doesn't, Chris is going to throw him through the wall, I'm sure of it!

Wishing For Daisy Halos - A Night Out

Chris took me out tonight. It was so nice, hired a real babysitter (none of those fake kind), got dressed up. He even shaved his nasty oil-rig scruff off. thank goodness-- he has a face again.

we went to dinner, which, without children, felt orgasmic. Seriously, BOTH of us remained in our seats until dinner was done, no one had to take kids to the bathroom or for a walk or even eat with one hand because I was nursing. Nothing. Just plain, adult conversation. Lovely.

Then we went to a pub where a friend works. He was there, so we sat and talked with him for a while. Across the street is Cowboys, a very country bar/club that's the "pride" of Calgary. You CAN'T come to Calgary and NOT go to Cowboys. It's just wrong. It's probably everyone's FIRST club they go to when they move here or get old enough.

ANYWAYS, we're dancing, talking, you know.. yada yada. And, walking right by me is this HUGE guy in black, followed by another, smaller guy, and then another huge guy in black again. If any of you watched the series finale of Sex and The City tonight, you'll find this cool. (For all you USA peoples, Canada didn't air the episode until tonight). "Big" was in town, and it was him. I know, how not exciting. But it really was.

I was really impressed to see that most Calgarians didn't molest the poor guy, and he managed to have a bit of fun on the dance floor without getting attacked. In fact, I didn't see ANYONE really bother him. And it's not like we didn't know who he was.

He had a mustache, though, and it didn't look very good. (Personal taste, but whatever).

Got home, though and the kids had been little terrors for the sitter. Poor girl. But she said it wasn't too bad, so it wasn't obviously traumatic. Still, I really thoroughly enjoyed having a night out, without kids, without really any NEED to be home. I mean, after the week from you-know-where that I had, it was definitely needed for me, and since Chris has worked nearly 20 days straight, he needed it too!

Uh.. what a week. Is it over yet?

Wishing For Daisy Halos - Babies and Couches and Chairs, oh my! and An Eye For An Eye

What a day!

I've taken on nannying a little 8 month-old girl who's a child of a former roommate and his wife. She's adorable. Unfortunately, they phoned yesterday and asked if I could take her today-- not much notice. So, she arrived early this morning.

(and she'll be back tomorrow)

Which isn't so bad, except that I wanted to take my mother-in-law out to look at furniture for her new house and stuff, and with Bear and LL AND that child, it was quite the feat! I mean, these furniture stores weren't LEONS by any means. These were "here, have a 7000.00 ottoman for your living room" kinda stores. La-dee-da kind of stores. Miss my-butt-doesn't-stink kind of stores!!!!!

(okay, and actually, my butt DOESN"T stink, in case you were TOTALLY reading that wrong!!!)

so, it was quite a day... trying to understand sleep signals and hungry signals and bored signals and dirty bum signals. And that was just my mother-in-law!!! :)

talked to my Dad today, though. Man, great guy. And I really enjoyed having the day with my MIL. She's great too. The two of them are very pea-like. Out of the same pod. Great, great, supportive people. With the ability to tell stories about their lives like NO-ONE's business!

Yah. Good day, but busy. I should go to bed, since tomorrow isn't shaping up to look any less so!


Got in a one-word fight with Chris tonight. not so much a fight as he yelled at me. But whatever.

I've decided that the next time he says he's taking Tito my cat to the SPCA, that I'll just tell him that I'll take his precious Xbox to the dump. He hates the cat, I hate the game.

After all, I'm willing to compromise! :)

I know, how immature. But I'm in a bad mood. Don't cross me. (those who know me personally, know EXACTLY why not!!)

yah. Horrible day after 3 o'clock. Dealt with pee and vomit and pooh and every nasty thing possible. This time it wasn't even MY kid!! It was the dayhome child. Poor little thing. Before 3 o'clock, I had a great day oogling at expensive crap I'll never own or even THINK of buying and putting in a house full of kids. Nice stuff. But no way.


Has anyone else noticed I'm kinda talking in sentence fractions?!!!

Wishing For Daisy Halos - (no title 3)

I was really lonely today.

I've been lonely before... sitting at church while everyone else sits with their hubby's arm around them. Watching husbands take out screaming children. Pass the sacrament. Bless a baby (or two, in my case).

Today we had a meeting/fireside for all endowed members. I walked in, and instantly felt horrible. I was alone. Although it isn't true, it felt as though only the missionaries and I were the only ones not married. And yet, at least they had a companion to sit beside.

I don't feel married when it comes to church things. I'm a single mom at church. So, I sat there beside some other unknown-to-me couple, watching my friends and their husbands walk in and take chairs next to other friends and husbands. I felt so alone.

It almost got to the point where I just felt like crying, or getting up and walking out. But the fireside was about temples, and I know I needed to be there. I know that one day I'll be a temple worker, and so I need all the prep I can get. Inwardly I said a little prayer for strength-- so I could sit there and feel the spirit in spite of everything.

I listened to eternal marriage stuff. And today was the day I wished people could have felt what I felt. Or my unmarried siblings. Or my unmarried friends. I wanted them to feel how important it was to marry in the temple. There's way more to lose than eternity-- you lose a bit of THIS life too.

I don't want anyone I love to feel so alone.

Wishing For Daisy Halos - (no title 2)

Boo hoo is me. Everyone's life seems soooooooooo much more enthralling than mine. I mean, cummon, I have NO life.

My day consisted of surprising crap. And also crap and also surprises.

Well, I went tanning (I know, how vain... but in reality, it's for my skin. tanning helps my eczema) and then shopping with the kidletts this morning, (Chris was at work) and got a few things on my list; dishwasher detergent, baby food, diapers, and rubbermaid storage containers. I have this "thing" about looking really organized when we show the house, so I've decided that I'm putting EVERYTHING into a rubbermaid container and eliminating boxes. ideally, when we move, it will only be rubbermaid containers, with stickers all nicely labelled.. I know, obsessive compulsive, probably. But whatever.

Anyways, back to my day. After that, I took the kids to work. I had a LOT of work today, and it was kinda crappy. But at least I got a bunch of people that I HAD to get this weekend. That's good, cuz then I don't have to work tomorrow. Which will come in handy, I'll show you why in a second.

THENNNN, after 3 hours of driving around (stopping for gas, for LL to pee...yada yada) i was a little ahead of my "schedule" so I stopped off at the hospital to visit my friend who just had her baby.

She was sleeping, so I took the kids to the pediatrics playroom for a while, since I had an hour to kill and figured I'd see if she was still sleeping in a half hour.

It was really odd, the feelings of when JD was born all came flooding back. the smells, the people, the places... it sucked.

Anyways, I'm there, and LL says, "I pooped my pants". Just like that. Matter-of-very-factly. That REALLY sucked, so then I *HAD* to take her home and change her before I went to my next scheduled appointment. It was really funny, in a way, (until I had to clean it up) because she was doing the whole "I've got crap in my pants" walk. We got to the car, and she's all "my boots is yucky". LOL. She was wearing galoshes, so I'm sure they were squishy enough.

Cleaned her up, in the tub. Went to my sister's house to drop of the kids then ran to my lighting appointment for the new house.

Did that, came home, and Tito (my cat) had CRAPPED on the bed!!!! UGGGGG. *ROAR*

Checked the phone messages, and my mother-in-law wants to come visit us. I call her back, and she's booked her flight. She arrives... TOMORROW!!!!! *RIGHT* after church. SOOOOO, then I start to frantically clean the house, when my sister drops off her kids cuz she's got tickets to the hockey game.

And each of the things I'm doing is fairly frustrating as it is. So this day...

You know, I started this blog thinking how boring my life is. It's not boring, as you can see. But I don't think anyone wants to be me!!!! I mean, who really enjoys dealing with someone else's CRAP 2 times in one day...

Wishing For Daisy Halos - My Favourite Colour Because

I like green. It symbolizes more than any other colour, in my opinion. So, even though I feel like St. Pat's day is retarded, at least I get to see lots of green.

Green is the colour of/for:

envy
nature-- every plant has SOME green in it
money
newness ( like missionaries)
sickly (looking a little green)
go
hospitals/scrubs/sanitation
martians
luck
fungus

and best of all, when the world starts turning green, that means it's spring! whoo hoo.

there's probably more, but that's all that come to my mind for now. My new house is painted green (on the inside, and only MOST of the walls-- my bedroom is "indian summer", kinda redish brown, burnt looking copper.)

I had such a busy day, running errands with my sister and our kids for my brother's mission. Went to a make-up party (which is a joke, since I hardly ever WEAR makeup), and then watched survivor, naturally.

Pretty lame day. Hence the pretty lame post. Sleep better because of it!

Wishing For Daisy Halos - (no title)

So, once again, almost like PMS (but not), my mind turns reflective and I end up thinking about things that I would rather avoid pondering. It's usually because I dream dreams that I hate, that seem to keep me unsettled for the remainder of the day. I see objects, I smell scents, I even taste foods that flash someone's face in my mind the instant the sense is aroused. I hear songs that force my thoughts to people and places I just couldn't care less about.

Read again; CouldN'T care less about. In fact, I care too much about these people, and so I contemplate my relationship with them to every finite detail.

I don't think there's such thing as loving too much. But I'm beginning to create my own thesis that it's possible to care too much. I mean, loving someone couldn't be wrong. Love is so celestial. But caring too much, that can be caring about people you love AND people you hate. Or, in some cases, people who I think hate me.

I wonder, too, if people already know I'm this unsure about everything. If they suspect that I'm this self-conscious about how I think they feel about me. Or is my facade of strength and self-assurance and confidence radiating out of me enough as to camouflage my insecurity.

See, but there it is again-- why should I care if they know I'm like this? It's just me. All encompassing, alpha and omega of yours truly. Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. But the vulnerability of just opening my heartstrings for anyone to strike a chord is a little unsettling, to say the least.

Is everyone this pathetically, introvertedly uncertain or am I just the one out of place in a dauntless world. Are they like me, feebly masking their feelings when the rest of the population can see right through the mirage? Or am I shocking you all!?

Wishing For Daisy Halos - Jellyfish

Chris says I need to grow a backbone. He thinks that I let my family do things to me or around me that bother me, and I just don't say anything about it because I don't have a backbone.

It's not that at all. No family is perfect, and my sibs and I are pretty close. That being said, I hate it when someone is mad at another. It just makes me feel bad. I hate the confrontation, I hate the name-calling.. I hate how childish it seems. I just don't like it.

Each of us has our "thing". Something that the rest of us think, but never say to that person. It's kinda an unsaid rule. You just don't go there. Unless you're looking for a fight or to hurt the person, and frankly, I just don't really want to do that!

So, he told me to grow a backbone and tell them what I think. But, if I've already told them in polite conversation that I disagree with something, why rehash it a million times? Why try to stir that pot?

We were ALL raised with strong opinions-- sometimes that's detrimental, but sometimes it's a beneficial thing. And because of that, we're all stubborn to a point and we all think we're gospel on what's right and what's not and what's true and yada yada yada...

We really *DO* put the fun in dysfunctional... we may not be perfect.. but we have a heck of a good time when we're together (as long as no one grows a backbone!).

Wishing For Daisy Halos - Music Meme

You're so vain. You probably think this song is about you. You're so vain. You probably think this song is about you, don't you? Don't you!

We are not the ordinary, fearlessly extraordinary. Working righteous harey-carey, in our humble way. Humble way now. Humble WAYYYYY, our humble way.

I am short, fat, and proud of that, and so with all my might. I up, down, up down to my appetite's delight.... I am stout, round. And I have found, speaking poundage-wise; I improve my appetite when I excercise.

(He) sees a diamond, deep in the rough of my soul. (He) says I'll see it too, someday. (He) sees a diamond, where all of the others are coal. (He) must see a million years away. But (he) keeps on loving me today.

It isn't good to be alone, it isn't good. So when you find someone you love you really should join hands and be together. Together. Together. It isn't good to be alone, it isn't good. There are lots of things you can't, but that you could, if you were two together. Together. Together.

Another pair of tiny hands to lay beneath the clay. Stumbling, little baby feet to wake another day. Oh God of heaven, take hate from man, and let this angel sleep 'till earth is pure for tiny hands. And safe for tiny feet.

Wishing For Daisy Halos - Family Feuds

well, today I woke up early to drive about 3 hours to Cardston to watch my cousin's child be blessed. It was quite the interesting day, what with the dynamics of everything and the "family news" that was shared-- whether willingly or not.

Actually, yesterday, I went to pick up the cake that I ordered for her. I hadn't decided what to actually write on it, some shrewd blurb or saying that wouldn't offend anyone, but still make those LDS people satisfied. So, there were a lot of considerations-- strictly LDS sayings? Funny sayings? Non-denominational sayings? See, we didn't know how the mother felt about blessing the babe, or if the father or his family would be there, and who would find the funny things funny or who would find them offensive and irreverent. We settled on "I am a Child Of God", and it got appreciation from everyone there, so i was REALLY relieved about that.

But, I really had a great day. It was a very family oriented day, and really nice catching up with cousins that I enjoy being with but don't often see. Watching people young and old take their places in the pecking order was kinda like people-watching at the airport....entertaining and somewhat disturbing at times.

I love my family, but my extended family has a few too many issues that are simmered just a TAD too long ("tad" being used very loosely)... and they aren't very, uh... tactful. I think my extended family is really dysfunctional, but then I think that EVERY family is dysfunctional-- we just admit it and openly talk about it!

But, like, on the other hand, I don't think that MY family is dysfunctional-- just my mother's. (she isn't too functional herself sometimes). But my siblings, in general, we're really great together. After reading Marce's LJ comment, I'm obviously not the only one in this thinking. I have a GREAT family, and I don't see a lot of animosity between my siblings (from my view in the line-up), so it's really nice to have such a great support system.

And in saying that, even my extended family is a great support system, when push comes to shove. In spite of the differences, they all come to baby blessings, they all come to baptisms, they all interchange clothing and indirectly practice the whole law of consecration thing..

I'm also feeling truly blessed. And that's just on MY side.. Chris' family is equally amazing.