Wishing For Daisy Halos - (no title 6)

So, because of the wonderfully loooong hockey game, I'm off to Vancouver for the week. So, some of you I'll see in person, others of you will just cry yourselves to sleep when you can't use my posts. Cuz I doubt that I'll be posting too much anyways.

Went to the temple today. Much to my daughter's dismay, I left her at my sister's house. She proceeded to "run away" at 7 am. Lucky my sister heard the door slam, and by the time she put on shoes, my 3 year old had made it a good 4 blocks on a busy street-- running down the middle of it!

Apparently, she was going to go to the temple with "mommy". how dang cute, huh? A little impish and troublesome, but still cute. See, every night we pray together that we can go to the temple soon and be a family forever. I guess soon to her was TODAY!! I can't help but love that. I REALLY hope that Chris was paying attention when she said she wanted to go to the temple! :)

But the trip was incredible. Researched a few things that someone told me about our temples (a non-member anti-Mormon) and found out for myself the real truth. Of course, lies and misunderstandings. They totally missed a bunch of points and symbols. IT'S SYMBOLS, Retard!!!

Anyways, I need to go there more. I really do. I'm glad I get to go to Seattle's temple NEXT Saturday, since I've only EVER done work in the Cardston one. So, it should be neat and different. And nice to be there with my siblings. Anyways.

Have a good week! talk to you if I find the time! :)

Wishing For Daisy Halos - (no title 5)

From the outside looking in, things are fairly cloudy. I hate that. I hate knowing, but in a sence, I don't.

I hate being omniscient, I hate thinking I'm omniscient, I hate people who think they're omniscient. I'm using the word omniscient too much!

What can you say when everything you should say will be contorted and manipulated? When they don't respect you? When they don't want to hear it in the first place? When everything you say will be hurtful and you're only trying to be loving.

And then it will never be forgotten. Like; that first kiss, that girl in school who was so mean to you, the friend who forgot all the times you were by her side, and then when you aren't there for ONE, "you're not a real friend."

I don't need people like that. But I gravitate them towards me. I seem to need them, in some sick, twisted way my spirit won't explain.

But the others, who are already in my life, who can't ever leave my life. it's those who I cry for, who I lose sleep over, who I want to shake 'till they see the truth according to Debbi. Those who overeact, those who misjudge, those who are too quick to point fingers and those who aren't quick enough and they get lost in the rabble.

I need to show those people my charity. my unconditional love. I just don't know how, and I'm too afraid of being rejected. Too afraid that they won't see it as such. That it doesn't matter. And it does. to me. This feeling... .>this< one, right here in my hands. I need to show it to them, to throw it at them, to MAKE them feel it. The truth. According to Debbi. Not worth too much to some.

Wishing For Daisy Halos- My Soundtrack

Hrm. I heard a new song today that totally reminded me of, myself, actually! It's called "back of the bottom drawer", and it was on kick it or pick it, a radio game on the country station I listen to EVERY night. I'm VERY opinionated about my 7:00 listening schedule!

Anyways, talks about a box buried in the back of the bottom drawer, filled with things from old loves. I have a box like that. not a big box (shoe box, actually) but it's in my storage. Yah. I always wondered if it bothered Chris, because he knows that I have it.

I've kept it because I think it will be neat to show LL pictures of my exes and trinkets and stuff when she's dating or old enough to care. If she cares at all. But still, things like that, my mother never showed me, and I was always curious. You know? It's too sad for me to throw away pictures, even if some of them bring back bad memories, and way too sad to throw out poems and little stuff like that.

I wondered if holding on to that box is someway hindering my ability to let go of certain things; ie, mistakes, feelings, guilt...etc...

But the song said it perfectly. it said (i don't quote this, mind you), that I hold on to the box not because I long to be in the past, but because I want to stay where I am today. every little thing in that box makes me who I am now... who I am for Chris. If it weren't for Beau, I wouldn't know unconditional love. If not for BAMM, I wouldn't know loyalty. If not for DJ, I wouldn't know communication. If not for Watson, I wouldn't know entertainment. If not for Mitch, I wouldn't know determination. if not for Poncho, I wouldn't know honesty. All those things I can have with Chris.

Wow. That's really therapeutic, to sit here and type out each guy who played a part in my pre-married life (a bigger part, not some short part). To some of those, it came really easy to say what thing I learned from them. I could have listed a few for more than one of those guys. For some of the others, it took a while to think of a positive word! LOL.

I'm moving on. Somehow I'm going to stop dreaming what I dream, stop thinking of people I think of. And enjoy now. Because I *do* enjoy it, when I'm here in mind. And I *don't* enjoy when I'm not.

Wishing For Daisy Halos- I Stink

No seriously, I actually stink. Like, smell. Wreak. have an odour. Emit nastyness... STINK.

we just came home from a mini night out. We went to dinner and then stepped into the lounge at the restaurant to watch the hockey game. So, literally, I smell like cigarette smoke.

I totally understand why the church advises date night for married couples. I mean, it was so simple, and we COULD have come home to watch the game, but just being around adults, talking about non-teletubby type things, it's so relaxing.

It's also good to know that I can still carry a relatively good conversation. And I can still make my man want me. Tee hee. Hey, it's VERY easy to just get into the rhythm of living and forgetting to impress the ONE person who you WILL be with once the kids move on. That's important. So, flirting like we were dating and not ONCE worrying about the kids is great.

Except, I've got this killer headache I've had since before dinner. It sux.

We drove to the house today. And the cribbing is down and the foundation poured! So, I'm totally expecting that the next time we head out there, there will be the starts to the first floor in framing. From here, things SHOULD go pretty quickly.

Oh, but not quick enough. I'd move in tomorrow, just to be rid this headache. I have horrible TMJ and I have to wear a mouthguard to bed at night in order to help it. But lately it hasn't been helping, and I've been suffering headaches and jaw soreness for a while. It's really bothering me. In fact, I bought that stupid mouth guard for a few hundred dollars, it should stinking work.

Saw the guy who proposed that he and his wife and Chris and I swing. He works at the restaurant. Kinda weird remembering that when we talk to him, but whatever. Not a perfect Mormon by ANY standards! (I guess, who really is?)

Wishing For Daisy Halos - Excommunicated

Hrmm...
WAS in a good mood because of the Hockey game tonight. But then I came online and found out that I was kicked out of a community because... well, because I "wasn't" their religion.

you see, after those Jehovah's Witnesses came to my door that day and I shut the door in their faces, I decided that my angst against that religion wasn't fair or valid. I mean, every religion has people who are jerks and retards. So, I went to a JW community online and read about them. Then, it brought on a lot of questions. Long story short, I joined so I could get my questions answered by people that AREN"T jerks and retards. I even talked to my Stake President about it at my temple recommend interview, and told him all this. He said it was a good thing for me to do, as long as I didn't go too far. Which wasn't even ever an issue to me-- I'm perfectly happy as a Mormon, and I wasn't "investigating" their church as to join it-- just understand it.

Everything was wonderful. They were kind, and respected my own beliefs and I did everything I could NOT to disrespect theirs, no matter how different (or wrong) I may have thought it to be. Whatever. Point is, albeit unbeknownst to me, the other day I ALSO joined another "JW" community when I was invited but this community was labelled for those who had fallen away from the church. I joined, and thought "Fair enough, I could ALSO ask them about the church, because there's two sides to every coin."

yah, well, that got people upset. yada yada, I'm taken OFF the original community.

I don't know why the heck I am so hurt by it all. I hate people hating me. And the worst thing is-- if I had WANTED to be rude and get removed from the membership roles, I would have been. Those who know me KNOW I'm not one to hold my tongue when I have something I want to say. And they know I won't stand to be religiously attacked. (of course, except when the retards are at my door and I am too afraid to shut it on their faces). So, if I was TRYING to be rude, believe me, I WOULD have been rude!!! So, this slap in my face sux the most.

Part of me wants to attack their whole system--- the things I learned, the way I've been treated. Everything. However, the more better part of me realizes that hey-- I'm NOT JW, and I don't have to be allowed into their community. I was "lucky". I also think that attacking them is totally against who I want to be. Maybe not who I *AM*, but who I strive to be. For the most part, they seemed just like LDS people-- striving their hardest to follow teachings they know to be true and to overcome their own personal obstacles. They were kind, loving people.

I think that's why I'm sad. I think I was starting to see them as people I respected and felt something of a bond with. I feel like I've kinda lost a few friends.

Wishing For Daisy Halos - (no title 4)

So sad about Sister Hinkley. Odd, typing that made me feel like I should call her "president hinkley" or something grander than "sister" the way we call all women. Weird. She was such a role-model, a female figure of love and companionship.

I went by the house today, they have footing up. But, for some odd reason the house is tilted really strangely-- like, it appears as though you won't be able to see the front door from the street, the house will be on too much of an angle. It kinda made me frustrated... but it's too late now anyways, and I guess it isn't REALLY that big of a deal. I don't have to sit there living in my front lawn or anything!


Tito peed ONCE, so far... on LL's couch/bed. Arg. But at least it's been only there, once, in a week. not bad. Now he's just trying to DART out the door! *(let me outta this place---)*

Took on nannying that child again, full-time now. She's a little sick still, so she's a bit cranky. But hey, she sleeps a lot! :)

Actually, it's kinda good for me. You see, here's my personal secret... Chris would be content to be finished having children as we stand right now. But, I want two more. No, let me rephrase that... I SEE two more.

I believe that's the gift the Lord blessed the women of this world with-- the ability to see a kitchen table that isn't there yet, or a setting that hasn't been experienced yet... four kids. that's what I see. I'll even be as bold as to say two boys and two girls. (don't quote me on that one)

So, we 'agreed' on having three-- middle ground. HOWEVER, I feel too strongly to stop at three. i want four. Four. not five. Not ten. Four. So, eventually we'll try for the third child, once Bear's older. But--- and all this rambling will make sense now-- I have decided that I want twins. THEN, I'll get my four, and he will "kinda" have his three pregnancies.

Sneaky? Yes. I'm guilty. But, what should I do? He will NEVER understand if I tell him about this feeling-- 1: he's a man. 2: he's a man who doesn't believe in spiritual promptings. Not good odds.

SOOOOO, having that child here could be a good way to practice having twins. AND boy/girl twins at that.

I'm probably disillusioning myself. I'm going to try to get fertility drugs since twins don't run in the family. But, I do realize that if the LORD wants to send two to me, He'll do it with or without drugs. I'm just "helping" the odds. :) And if he doesn't, I'll be lucky and have conjoint twins or something and He'll be all, "see, told you not to mess with me!"

yah, that'll be more likely. Whatever. I should really learn not to ask for things if I don't want them in the Form the LORD wants to give them to me.

it's the whole, careful what you wish for, thing.

Wishing For Daisy Halos - Another Meme Cuz I'm Bored

Two people actually had this on my friends page, so I guess "out of the mouth of two or more"... convinced me enough to do it.. that, and the fact that I have nothing better to do with my time!


Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says.
"geous, daring,dauntless,"

Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
- nothing, but if i move to the other side of the room, I'll hit the wall!

What is the last thing you watched on TV?
- Average Joe Adam Returns Finale

WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is.
- 12:18 am
Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
- AMAZING! It really *IS* 12:18 am. Weird!

With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
- Bear whining

When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
- coming home from work, carrying Bear's car seat, keys and LL's crap into the house

Before you decided to fill this out, what was the last website you looked at?
- I checked my friends page.

What are you wearing?
- Black shirt, white tanktop underneath, garments and other necessities, black belt, blue jeans

Did you dream last night?
- Yes. I always dream. I remembered it this morning, and actually, when I DONT think about it I remember it, but once I try to remember details, it leaves. i hate that.

When did you last laugh?
- full on laugh? Probably something LL or Bear did. yep-- I remember now, while changing Bear's diaper

What is on the walls of the room you are in?
- a cheesy calendar, a cork board, and a framed picture of Chris and his grandpa. it's pretty stark in here.

Seen anything weird lately?
- I am a process server-- everyone I meet it weird. But, I watched the people at Dairy Queen scam a customer by weighing their food with another container before removing the container to present it to the customer. Cheap-os.

What do you think of this quiz?
- Different questions, that's always good.

What is the last film you saw?
- Brother Bear. Oh, I saw parts of Dora The Explorer on DVD yesterday.

If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
- A couple of tickets around the world, surprise Chris with them.

Tell me something about you that I don't know.
- I'm afraid of being in the church chapel when the lights aren't on.

If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
- They'd all be the same religion. Mine. :) ha But that totally goes against agency and freedom to choose and the war in heaven and yada yada, so that's kinda shooting myself in the foot on that one!

Do you like to dance?
- UM... YAH! WAY too much. In fact, fat people shouldn't dance, so I should probably stop doing this macarena now...

George Bush: is he a power-crazy nut case or someone who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?
- I think he's closer to the first one, but many people really respect what he's doing. All the power to them, but he doesn't turn my crank one bit.

Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
- LL. Sillies. NEXT girl? Uhhh, I have too many that I like.

Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
- Bear. Man, you guys are quick. Next boy? For some reason, Andrew is in my head, but I don't really like it. Bear was almost a Riley.

Would you ever consider living in a basement suite under your parents?
- Yes. Wouldn't bother me, probably because I know I'd be closer to home and they would keep their space. HOWEVER, it's more likely that they'll never even ASK me to live there, cuz they don't WANT me there--- which is fine. I'm quite happy in my home here. Chris' parents? No, not a chance. His mother is a little too... involved. She'd be over molesting my poor children all day! :) I love that about her.

Wishing For Daisy Halos - A Hole For A Home

So, I was so thrilled. I have a hole.

And today, I was supposed to have footing, too. Come next Tuesday, we'll have a foundation. And a week after that, I'll actually have framing. I'm so excited.

Even though it's going to be a while before I get to move in and stuff, now that there's a hole, it feels like something's actually happening. Whoo hoo.

So, checked more flights for Chris. Found some at good times, but the price ISN"T right. So, if any of you feel so inclined to donate to the fund, by all means, it's tax deductible. :)

I had such a great night, though. I dropped off the kids with my sis, and went to a temple recommend interview with the Stake president. I'd never met him, and he didn't know me either, so we talked. Turns out he's friends with my grandmother and worked with my dad in Scouting. Small world. But really, he was genuinely an awesome guy, and although we had just formally met, I really felt important to him. I mean, our last Stake President is nice and everything, but I kinda felt like a number with him. So, this guy said some really kind things to me, and it was actually a great time.

Then I went to homely Pee, where I learned about fancy breads. Whatever. Got some stuff accomplished, went home to watch my 3 hours of TV and now I'm off to beddy bye. Lovely.

AAAAAAAAND, Tito hasn't peed on anything. yet. *(touching wood)*