Wishing For Daisy Halos- My Soundtrack

Hrm. I heard a new song today that totally reminded me of, myself, actually! It's called "back of the bottom drawer", and it was on kick it or pick it, a radio game on the country station I listen to EVERY night. I'm VERY opinionated about my 7:00 listening schedule!

Anyways, talks about a box buried in the back of the bottom drawer, filled with things from old loves. I have a box like that. not a big box (shoe box, actually) but it's in my storage. Yah. I always wondered if it bothered Chris, because he knows that I have it.

I've kept it because I think it will be neat to show LL pictures of my exes and trinkets and stuff when she's dating or old enough to care. If she cares at all. But still, things like that, my mother never showed me, and I was always curious. You know? It's too sad for me to throw away pictures, even if some of them bring back bad memories, and way too sad to throw out poems and little stuff like that.

I wondered if holding on to that box is someway hindering my ability to let go of certain things; ie, mistakes, feelings, guilt...etc...

But the song said it perfectly. it said (i don't quote this, mind you), that I hold on to the box not because I long to be in the past, but because I want to stay where I am today. every little thing in that box makes me who I am now... who I am for Chris. If it weren't for Beau, I wouldn't know unconditional love. If not for BAMM, I wouldn't know loyalty. If not for DJ, I wouldn't know communication. If not for Watson, I wouldn't know entertainment. If not for Mitch, I wouldn't know determination. if not for Poncho, I wouldn't know honesty. All those things I can have with Chris.

Wow. That's really therapeutic, to sit here and type out each guy who played a part in my pre-married life (a bigger part, not some short part). To some of those, it came really easy to say what thing I learned from them. I could have listed a few for more than one of those guys. For some of the others, it took a while to think of a positive word! LOL.

I'm moving on. Somehow I'm going to stop dreaming what I dream, stop thinking of people I think of. And enjoy now. Because I *do* enjoy it, when I'm here in mind. And I *don't* enjoy when I'm not.