My Issues

So, after thinking a bit more about the things that were bothering me yesterday with Chris, I've decided that the general population doesn't need my internal vomit. So my paper journal will be the sounding board for the details about this one.

What I DO feel comfortable sharing is that the issue stems from Chris breaking another promise to me. It was a really hard thing to deal with, hard to hear and hard to understand. In my hurt, I got quite angry and lashed out. I said things that I'm not sure I meant-- that's still to be determined. Worse yet, I said them where the kids could see me yelling-- they couldn't HEAR, but they could see (they were in the running car on the driveway, I was in the garage with Chris) I'm not proud of that moment. I truly lost it-- haven't done that in a long time!! Point is, I feel completely like the idiot.

His promises to me have ALL been broken- yes, every single one. Why I thought that in forgiving so many HUGE broken promises, he would finally 'change' his ways is beyond me. I've heard him say how much he's changed, how much he's learnt, and I guess I just thought keeping promises (OR, better yet, NOT MAKING ONES YOU DON"T INTEND TO KEEP!!) would have been part of that change.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

I feel like the idiot. No, I'm not looking for any pity parties. My girlfriends/sisters tell me I'm not the idiot, but it doesn't matter what they say...It's just a feeling I'll have to get over on my own.

On OTHER issues:
I signed the kids up for the Baptist Church Soccer program. It was scary, being at the 'block party' where registration is, because I thought about EF a lot. That's where we met- through this soccer program. Just icing on my tumultuous day- I didn't want to see her that day. I didn't see her there.

After that, I went to the mall to try to find a swimsuit, since my last one DEFINITELY doesn't fit anymore! 50 lbs, I'd HOPE it doesn't still fit! After scoping out a few stores, I ended up at Swimco and tried on something similar to this.

BY THE WAY-- losing 50+ lbs in the course of a year-- I may be MUCH thinner than I was, but there's NEW issues with swimsuits I've never encountered.
One, I do NOT have this:
I have something more along the lines of THIS: (hahahahah)

so that was DEFINITELY not helping my bad mood yesterday. After the bikini-top wardrobe malfunction incident, I tried on bottoms. Uh, I don't think the internet even HAS pictures of said nastiness! LOL Needless to say, I did NOT purchase a swimsuit. Owning said suit means being SEEN in those suits! AHHH. I wouldn't do that to people.

on that note, I will eat the rest of this nasty poptart and WILL be running tonight!!!!! So help me, I will run!!