Dear "Anonymous" who replied to the "it's not you, it's me" blog,
Normally I wouldn't reply to a comment like yours, but I need to explain something-
I WAS working on the marriage as best as I knew how. I was willing to see past his MULTIPLE affairs, I was willing to see past the fact that he doesn't find me attractive (and I was actively working on that), I was willing to work past the many times he said I wasn't enough for him, that he hated being married.. MANY other things that I wouldn't say publicly.
It wasn't 'the moment he moved out' that I decided it was done for good= I decided that before he left. AND SO DID HE, he just doesn't know that I know he thought that. I did what he wasn't willing to do... because I LOVE HIM and know this is what he needs to be happy. But I thought it was important to keep those things to myself until the month was over. Because Chris means more to me than I think you understand, I couldn't let that type of thing go unsaid, as it wasn't fair, so I told him anyways. Were you there? Did you see our tears? No, you didn't.
He doesn't want to slow it down. He'll admit outright that he's been pushing me away for probably years, that he hasn't worked on the marriage almost EVER! It was a shock to him, yes, but he has NEVER told me he wants to slow down, so why would I? As far as I know, he's happy with this decision too. His confusion is MY perception, and, unbeknownst to the general population, we talked about that just last night. He knows this is final. And has not said he wished it wasn't.
He wants the best of both worlds, and he can't have that.
"Maybe it's time for some tough Love"... love? What you say is not loving. Tough LOVE my butt! You don't have the balls to tell me who you are, or to tell me your opinion (about something you know obviously so little about) to my face or, *GASP*, more discreetly and kindly than on a public blog where you make me feel attacked.
I take responsibility for many things. But not the affairs. Not his feelings of getting married for the wrong reasons. Not his inability to love who I am and support that. It wasn't just him, no. But I was WORKING on it, he was not.
Don't reply to this blog to attack me if you don't know me, know Chris, our relationship, or know anything about the situation. You have amazingly ruined what was a good day for me in the midst of many hard days. Thanks, I appreciate that.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Angry and hurt....
at 4:14 PM
Labels: Chris, sob stories
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4 comments:
I think nonny-mouse might have been well-meaning, but certainly didn't pull it off well. Also didn't sound like someone who's deep "in the know," which, of course, makes the advice (well-meaning or not) flawed.
I look at the whole thing this way:
Chris was crazy to pitch you, unless it's true that staying with you was going to result in more bad than good, which appears to be the case. Thus, your strength to make the choice you made as a couple, to no longer be a couple, is the best thing - for all of you.
In the "silver lining department," you have a chance to re-evaluate your criteria in eternal companions, and choose a "better fit." Hopefully you've collected some wisdom in the past few years, and that collection will be of assistance in developing your new criteria.
I know you're a formidable woman when you're fully engaged in reaching a goal, and I know you'll be the same in pursuing the goal of a happy, fulfilling eternal marriage with The Right Guy.
And if not, I'm sure Djo would be happy to have you as a sister-wife on the other side. (Ha-ha?) ;-)
I'm gonna pay for that, I know I am... Ah well, if it lightened your day at all, it'll be worth it.
Thanks, by the way. Thanks for being such a good friend to my wife, and to my family. You are a very highly appreciated woman in this household, believe it.
hahah, sister wife. No worries, it definitely made me laugh. And besides, you SO know she would! LOL ;)
Holy Crap... I've got your back!! I can pull out the "big guns" whenever they are needed.
Poor Anon, apparently brains, compassion or anything else of meaning/worth are completely missing from their lives! So sad when someone is that full of anger and hate.
Debbi, I love you. You are brave, smart, loving and compassionate. Anon doesn't hold a candle to you :)
I had to deal with some pretty "excrement"-y comments when I told people about my divorce, too. As angry and defensive and overall bad as they made me feel - my reaction to them also really solidified my knowing that I was right to be doing what I was doing. I hope once the anger cools it will have the same effect for you.
And, grrr!!!!! Anonymous, I'm sure you were trying to help, and when you're going through a divorce, sometimes it's good to have a friend step in and say "okay - are you really, really, REALLY sure this is what you want?" But dude, presentation is everything. A blog comment = not the way to go.
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