Sleep Is Overrated

I'm learning so much about myself. One thing I learned is that I need to stay well-rested.

When I'm sleepy, I tend to get sad and lonely, and I don't like feeling that way. Not that I want to AVOID feelings (cue mock GAG as I think about Crystal from the show who was full of CRAP), I just want to be able to be at my best and keep myself seeing the bigger picture. I want to continue being happy, continue feeling the peace I've felt, and continue to be strong for my children. Don't read this wrong-- I still have sad moments. I still may cry. But the cry lasts for a while, and then I'm better. When I'm tired, I feel sad all the time!

Yesterday at church was such a boost to me. I sang "Did You Think To Pray" with a man in my ward. My good friend played the piano for us. Background- she can play the piano well, but doesn't have the confidence in her talent the way I know she should have. The man singing also doesn't have the confidence he needs-- with confidence, his voice takes on a whole new sound. We've practiced, and these two emotional people have shown me how to see things so differently-- to notice the feeling of the pianist, to be humble, to be grateful. NO, I'm not saying we sounded ANYTHING like members of the MoTab!!! It's just a picture, people! lol

The song went well. *I* wasn't at my best, but in general, it was good. Or, that's what people assured me of in the halls. I got many compliments on the song, so that's a nice boost to hear. It was so sweet when, touchingly, the man turned to me and thanked me for singing with him as he had wanted to sing a duet with me for nearly 2 years. I was touched. A little while later, the pianist hugged me and thanked me for believing in her. I felt so loved, even though I have ALWAYS believed in her.

Later, another friend complimented me on being so willing to 'feel'. In the past 5 months, that's been something I've become HUGELY aware of, and I have tried to embrace every feeling and let it run it's course. I have let myself feel what I feel, without excuse or embarrassment. I have learned about myself in the process of these feelings, and couldn't imagine hiding or stifling my feelings any more. It was a larger compliment than I've received in a long time.

Lastly, I was complimented on my weight. I'm still losing (YAY!!!) and having people make comments is so motivating. I have a while to go yet, but I'm so excited. It's a nice feeling to feel attractive, even if no one is in my life to enjoy it but me! lol

I don't know yet what next weekend will be like-- will I be bored out of my mind or will I be busy getting stuff done without kids? Will I enjoy the spiritual nourishment at church or will listening to talks all about families and fatherhood put me in a mood I don't know if I want to encounter? What will I feel?!

This weekend, with the rain, I struggled to find cheap and fun things to do with my kids. I ended up taking them out with Cyn and her kids to Peter's Drive In for lunch and icecream... again, making incredible memories and laughing till my sides hurt. In the afternoon, we kinda just chilled. But in talking with a fairly new friend about parenting and such, he opened my eyes to what being a parent really is. To spending the time with my kids instead of letting the TV or PS2 or something entertain them. I don't ALWAYS do that, but it's a common thing here on rainy days. So, my new goal is to spend a bit more quality time with my monkeys and truly cherish this age with them AND SHOW THEM I CHERISH IT instead of simply just smiling to myself.