9/52

It's the ninth installment of Find Mom Friday. And, I'd just like to say, that I don't think I've been in as many pictures as I have been lately! ;)

So, although these are LAST week's photos, here's a few more candid wedding photos of me being a mom. I missed FMF last week, though, so now I'm a week behind. Oh well. :)

(Taylor and I, after the reception.)

(Bear and I, dancing and having fun!)

(Mimi's kiss after the ceremony when we danced out of the chapel outside)

(Five of the seven kids, watching Mommy come down the aisle)

Mom's Week Off

Being without my kids for the week is taking its toll.

Firstly, it's awesome.
I got to sleep-in yesterday (as sleep-in as 8 am is... and for me, that's 2 hours!), and once the dayhome kids go home, I am FREE to do what I want (any old time?). I don't have to make dinners, my house is staying pretty dang clean (not that anyone's asked for a showing this week, which is both a relief because I don't have to leave and also a pain because that means it's not being sold and just FIGURES since this is the EASIEST time for me to show the place), and there's NO responsibilities to keep me at home at night.

So, last night I went out with Becka.

We went shoe shopping, and AMAZINGLY, found the shoes I was looking for for the wedding! The right colour, the right heel, everything perfect. Nice.
And we headed out for dinner after with Lena to The Olive Garden. Which, by the way, was soooooo yummy!

But, to my surprise, my kids came with me. Oh, every few minutes I'd end up thinking "Oh geez, it's getting late and I have to get back to relieve the babysitter" or "Chris is gonna be mad that I've been out so long, he probably wants to go home" or something along those lines. I'd actually have to TRAIN myself NOT to think about them and enjoy the night out.

We got home fairly late after traffic issues and going downtown to drop off dinner for Becka's working hubby, and it was odd to walk into an empty house that late at night. Not bad. Just... odd. The doors to their bedrooms have remained closed (so they don't get messed up by dayhome kids) and last night it was so hot, I opened every door and window to get some cross-breezes goin' on. Their little beds are still made. Their rooms SMELL like them. (remind me to give those bedrooms a bath! ;) )

And then I chatted with Will on the phone.
And my kids were there.

During the conversation, I had to remind myself that the kids weren't going to be overhearing anything I said. That I could talk 'loudly' and not worry about waking anyone up. Although, it's a relief to be able to have a full-blown conversation with someone and NOT be interrupted at least once with "MAAAHWHHHWMMM, soandso is looking at me!"




It is very odd not having them here. I had them alllll last week by myself, and I'll have them alllll next week to myself too. I'm enjoying my week-off, getting stuff done and relaxing. But it sure is empty, and peaceful quiet and a nice home-cation.

The End and The Beginning

SCHOOL'S OUT. FOR. SUMMER!

Remember this?: (first day of school this year)

Now we have this:
Think they're a bit excited about summer vacation!? This may be the last day they get to wear these uniforms, though, assuming we move before school starts next year. :(

And so now my blogging may decrease even more. I'm hoping to find some time to blog, as the house is filled with dayhome school-aged kids who entertain the regular little ones. And we will be outside, avoiding further damage to the house I am trying to sell. We had *two* showings yesterday, so at least people are coming in! PRAY HARDER, PEOPLE-- I need out of this place.

People keep telling me it took 50 or 100 showings before they sold their homes. Or how they lost money. Or how it was 6 months before they got an offer! BUT, the good thing is that my realtor talked with one of the realtors who brought someone through yesterday, and the feedback was really positive in regards to price and how the house shows. So, I was happy to hear that. I realize we're only on the first week of being listed, but holy moly, I'm soooo done with selling.

I feel totally in limbo until this place is sold. It's hard to feel like I can't plan school, or housing, or vacations or work or whatever-- I don't know where I'll be when. Standing still in a horrible dormant feeling is driving me to bite nails and break out. I just want routine. Stability. And direction. It's how I work best-- it's when I feel in control of my life.

So, let's hurry and get a move on (literally) so I can Make The Changes I need to make.

A Thousand Word Thursday

Just a few pics of random things to tell my Thousand Words.


Bear Lost his first tooth last week. Will and I tried to get him to let us pull it out, but, alas, the bite into the apple won the favour. And the toothfairy messed up the first night. OUCH. Silly Toothfairy!


Each night I read scripture stories to the kids before family prayers and bedtime. I'm really thankful for Will's inspiration to catch it on camera while he was here, as it's a special moment I'm glad to have tangible evidence of. And, might I add, I'm learning some pretty interesting things about the Old Testament that I honestly never knew! hm.




I'm just glad that Little bunny Foo Foo didn't eat ALL my bulbs, because I took pictures yesterday of these beauties in my yard. And I know they won't be there tomorrow-- either bunny or dayhome fingers will ensure they aren't enjoyed for long! >:oI

Last Night's Prayer

After I sang his favourite bedtime song, Bear said his prayers, and got into bed.


Bear: Mom?
Me: Yah, Buddy?
Bear: Does Heavenly Father hear our prayers?
Me: I believe so, yes.
Bear: But how?
Me: (uh...) Well, He's God. He has heavenly powers that we don't understand. We'll understand when we die, but right now, it's not important for us to know HOW he hears us, just that we know He DOES.

*walk to door*

Okay, goodnight hun. Sweet dreams!

*begin to close door*

Bear: Mom?
Me: What is it, bud?
Bear: When ARE we going to die?
Me: I don't know. When Heavenly Father thinks that it's time for us to go back to Heaven, I guess.
Bear: I wish it was now.
Me: *?????? * We still have things to learn on earth before we go back.
Bear: Yah. I want to go back home soon.
Me: *smile* You will someday. But lemme keep you for a little longer, kay? Goodnight sweetie.
Bear: Goodnight Mom.

A post of pictures

(My google is wierd and won't let me read all your posts from my weekend away. So, lemme know if anything monumental happened. :P )

My Easter Weekend was fantastic.

It was a great time to spend with my wonderful in-laws.

*Out making a fire:
*Easter Sunday in their new Easter Dresses and Bear's new suit. (technically, it was Saturday, as we did our big dinner that day because we had to travel on Sunday)

And if anyone tries to tell me how much of a bad mother I am, I'm so ready to open a can of something on their sorry butts!

I know, I haven't blogged a whole lotta anything lately.

So here it is. A long one. Be warned. And it's also slightly venting- so, skip ahead to the comments and leave some non-related lovely thoughts because I'm in a blahghgh mood and wouldn't want to ruin your otherwise happy day should you read this horrible monologue.



I had bad-mom night. I kinda had bad-day yesterday in general.

First off, it started off perfectly fine. In truth, it was AWESOME. I took three kids to the passport office, highly anticipating a long couple-hour wait in a line of decrepits. (no clue why I think only scary, dirty people go to passport offices-- just some stupid ignorant thought I have. Don't tell me I'm ignorant. I know)

Lucky for me, I walked right into the office, the ONLY person there. I was in and out of that government building within 5 minutes. Which is sweet, because as I walked out, 5 different people walked in. Of course, they were all regular people decrepits. And I'm sure I was minutes away from catching West Nile or something airborne. (It's my story. I'm gonna go with it my way.)

But, that was the end of my daily allotment for good things.
I did not find a specific item I was looking for to give to Will for his birthday next week. Looked in three different stores. Have bought it before. Annoyed that it is now 'MIA'. So, I'm taking suggestions for gifts for the most awesome dude ever, whom I've dated for a little over 2 months, and whom I plan to date for a long time. Let's add sentimental, not too cheap, but not ridiculous either. You know. That type of gift. Let the ideas flow.

And I miss Will. He's gone on vacation until next week... and going from talking EVERY DAY FOR 2 MONTHS TO NOTHING IS SUPER SUCKY STUPID SAD HARD, (albeit healthy- I don't want to hear that) TO DO!

I got the kids lunch, and then a phone call came from Sin. She's sick lately, and it worries me a lot. So, I packed up the monkeys and headed downtown, and tried to navigate downtown with construction and one-way traffic. I'm not good at that. Although, I found humour as I turned the wrong-way up a one-way street, where the construction lady looked sideways at me, like I was some person in line at the Passport office on crack! (I was safely behind a barrier, waiting for Sin, it's not like I inadvertently turned that way! I'm not THAT bad of a driver, seriously) But I get a little flustered driving downtown, rush hour or not. Not to mention the downed power line that had a 4-lane road down to ONE LANE! Fetcher who hit the power line is lucky the cops were there-- I woulda busted a cap in his butt. Let's imagine the power line didn't fall on it's own (there were no other cars or people there to blame).

The kids didn't nap, so once I was back home, they were all ready to gash out their eyeballs. And one had thrown up on herself in the car. Funtimes.

Then, a new baby arrived (just for the day) and screamed his head off. THREE HOURS OF SCREAMING!! THREE BLINKING HOURS!! I tried feeding him, I tried distracting him, I tried holding him. I tried everything. It got to my breaking point, where I simply put him in a playpen just so I could close the door for a few minutes before I tried again. Serenity Now.

LL called from the school, wanting to come home 1/2 hour earlier because of a headache. AS IF. Suck it out, buttercup. She loses her temper with me on the phone, and I explain that I dont' have enough seat belts for the 8 kids I have at the house to come get her anyways.

She gets home and immediately starts complaining about how I shoulda picked her up, griping and talking incredibly rudely to me. I suggest taking a nap to see if she feels better. She decides to play outside.

I had an 'evening out' planned. But my hair appointment cancelled. Instead, I was gonna go for a run or something.

I made dinner.
Chris arrived. He informs me that he forgot his volleyball stuff, and will be taking the kids shopping for shorts instead of bathing them and doing their homework.

So, when he returned, they were barely bathed (thank goodness for that) but it was 10 minutes to bedtime. And LL had a letter from her teacher about her homework. And it was yet to be done. And Bear didn't get his done either.

I am at my end.
It is past bedtime.
It is an HOUR PAST BEDTIME!
LL is screaming at me that I won't do her homework for her. That I don't love her to help her... Bear is taking his piddly time getting his own stuff done.

I call the homework to cease, and we have family prayer. LL doesn't join in. She pouts instead. We start without her, and she pouts harder. FINE. JOIN THEN! She joins, and gets into bed, SCREAMING! I give kisses, and walk out the bedroom door. No song tonight-- I'm definitely not in the mood for a lullaby over top of a screamfest.

SHE SCREAMED FOR 15 MINUTES!! like, scream, banshee-esque.

I had enough. I went into her room, told her to stop. She screamed at me. I yelled back. *hear the snap, yet?* I tell her I don't like the way she's treated me tonight. Don't like the way that, when I tried to help her, she got angry and refused to let me help. Told her I didn't like her very much right now.

her little heart broke audibly, as she reiterated between huge sobs, "You don't like me?"

GRRR. Bad mom moment.
"no, I don't. You're not a nice girl right now. you've hurt my feelings all day, and I'm a regular person. Sometimes I'm a mom. And I always love you. But after a whole day of you treating me poorly, and having my feelings hurt all day, I stop being a mom and just become a "Debbi". And right now, Debbi wants to go in her room and be alone."

Ensue tears on both sides.
"you don't love me, Mom?"

my heart breaks as I realize that THIS moment will be one she will likely hold tight to, the way I held tight to certain things my mother said to me in her own 'non-mom' moments when I was a child.

"I'll always love you. You are my pride and joy. I would die for you. I would do anything you asked. I love you with everything I am."

"Then why won't you sing for me?"

"Because singing to you is a gift. And I don't want to give you that gift right now. I'm too sad to give anything else to anyone today. I need to be alone now."

....
I walk away. Took a shower. Cried.

Started missing having a Dad in the home. Not Chris. But a Dad in general-- someone who could take over when Mom is tired. When Mom is losing it, they come in and let Mom hide out in the shower. They would have interfered before I got to the whole "you don't love me, mom?" moment!

In fact, I was angry at Chris, so it wasn't like I was missing him. Because of his stupidity and forgetfulness, the kids' routine was ruined that night. And angry, that because he gets to walk in and out of their day as he pleases, and I'm left with the tornado aftermath. He doesn't 'do' homework. He doesn't get the letters from the teacher. He doesn't deal with the kids being overtired because they didn't get it done earlier. He doesn't have to wake them early to finish it, and still make sure they're on the bus on time, pulling teeth the entire morning. He doesn't deal with their attitudes. Daddy's time is always rainbows and unicorns and all that crap.

Went to go double check the locks on the doors downstairs, where a little voice, cracking, called out my name as I shut the bedroom doors. "Mom?"

"yes, huney."

"My eyes hurt. I am not happy."

"I know sweetheart. Go to sleep. We are tired. I love you"


I hate bad days.

Out Of The Mouths of Babes

1. What is something Mom always says to you?
LL: Not to be mean to everyone
Mimi: Jesus Makes our bodies nice
Bear: Do your homework

2. What makes Mom happy?
LL: listening to what she has to say
Mimi: Laugh
Bear: Cleaning my room

3. What makes Mom sad?
LL: hurting other people's feelings
Mimi: When make blood
Bear: that she lost Daddy

4. How does your Mom make you laugh?
LL: pulling her pants down a little bit, and pulling up her underwear
Mimi: Tickle Me
Bear: Being silly

5. What was your Mom like as a child?
LL: sucked her thumb
Mimi: cry like a baby (*insert crying fists on eyes here)
Bear: funny

6. How old is your Mom?
LL: 28
Mimi: 4
Bear: 28

7. How tall is your Mom?
LL: 2.5 feet
Mimi: Big big big
Bear: I don't know

8. What is Mom's favorite thing to do?
LL: talking on the phone
Mimi: go to work
Bear: clean the house

9. What does your Mom do when you're not around?
LL: Watch over dayhome kids
Mimi: walk away
Bear: watch dayhome kids

10. If your Mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
LL: because she's a good singer
Mimi: for walking far away, far away
Bear: I don't know

11. What is your Mom really good at?
LL: wiping Mimi's butt
Mimi: going happy
Bear: cleaning the house

12. What is your Mom not very good at?
LL: fixing the washer
Mimi: Peoples
Bear: wiping Mimi's butt (har har)

13. What does your Mom do for a job?
LL: Watching Dayhome kids
Mimi: go to work
Bear: Watches Dayhome kids

14. What is your Mom's favorite food?
LL: Pizza
Mimi: Cheese Balls
Bear: Pineapple

15.What makes you proud of your Mom?
LL: how she helps me
Mimi: Happy
Bear: I don't know

16. If your Mom was a cartoon character who would she be?
LL: Beauty (and the beast)
Mimi: a person
Bear: Cinderella

17. What do you and your Mom do together?
LL: laugh a lot
Mimi: family prayers
Bear: play

18. How are you and your Mom the same?
LL: our hair
Mimi: we're both big
Bear: I don't know

19. How are you and your Mom different?
LL: I don't have pierced ears
Mimi: nose and hair
Bear: I don't have glasses

20. How do you know your Mom loves you?
LL: gives me hugs
Mimi: outside in the temple (yah, no clue, but that was her answer)
Bear: kissing me

Keep it in Perspective

I feel like I've been 'away' for a long time-- no blogging in my life is CRAZY!

Thankfully, I have a quiet house now, as spring break is over and I'm back to routine. Whatever that is in my world! We only have 4 kids today-- *relief* So blogging resumes.

I wish I also had something more entertaining to talk about- just seems like every weekend comes and goes and all I can talk about is how awesome my time spent with Will was. Which is TOTALLY true, only slightly monotonous for the rest of ya'll.Will and I in the snow in front of the Cardston Temple

LL found out from Will's niece about how we are dating. So, she came up to me the other day and let me know how she felt about what was said. It was exactly as the separation course had said it would be according to her age-- she was very worried that, if I got remarried, she'd lose her Dad. Or that she'd have to share a room with more people. Or other things that a child would worry about ("STEP" parent has an evil aura to it because of Disney. thanks a lot, Walt!) It was a good, grown-up conversation just between her and I. And I reminded her of her father's love (both FATHERS) and of the bond that will never change.

I talked to Chris about it. Although it's not our 'plan' to wait the three months before introducing the kids to people we're dating, this was slightly out of our hands. So we deal with it and progress.

He had a talk with her a little later while I was away.
And said things I was so touched by. He told her of his love for her (obviously), but also told her how, if I remarried someone, we'd be a team of three, instead of just a team of two. He told her that she'd probably really like Will, and that she should get to know him. He helped her think of questions to ask him when she saw him next, helped her find something positive about Will that Chris doesn't have. LL said that she liked that Will would come to church with us every week, and Chris replied in a great way. "I'm happy you have something special with Will! That is very nice, and you can share that with him, just for the two of you. Just like you and I have special things just for us, it's okay to have special things with Will too." Chris impresses me with his 'big picture' attitude and I am sooo grateful for the divorce that we have. As much as I feel slightly ridiculed for it sometimes, I would have it no other way. It works for me. It works for Chris. And because of that, I know it will work for our kids-- they will be loved, safe, and supported.

So, this weekend, LL 'got to know' Will. Asked the questions. And by the end of the weekend, she wouldn't stop touching him-- hugging, climbing... whatever! (She's a Physical Touch person) I enjoyed watching her bond to him in a new way, her eyes slightly more openned to the possibility of having Will around for me and 'us', and not just as the uncle to her friend.

Bear bonds really well to Will. Which I mentioned before. But Mimi bonded to Will a LOT this weekend- now that he feels like he can actually interact with the kids on a more personal level, it makes a difference, I think. And Will's kids are too easy to get along with, they're fantastic.

"B-Ray", Mimi, "Grace" and LL watching Flight Of The Navigator

And the kids played. And cuddled. And got to know each other more and more. And all in all, my heart was touched many times this weekend. Little moments I hope to preserve and continue to make.

They're Pink, right?

I had a kickin' weekend. (does anyone even say that, or did I totally pull a "Mom" and use words I THINK are cool when they're really not?!) Nonetheless, I had a great time with friends, and, sadly, have not ONE picture.

Spending the entire weekend with Sin and her family was awesome. Friday night, we went out to the grocery store with my three monkeys, buying food... oh, and she supported my abuse on my children in the parking lot. That's always a good friend to have! :)

I spent Saturday morning cleaning, doing laundry, cooking food and cutting fruit, just general "stuff" to get ready for the rest of the weekend. Sin's son, who's the same age as LL, was getting baptized, so it was a special day.

Will arrived (Will is Sin's brother, for those who didn't catch that before. Did I even mention that before? Whatever) with his four kids, and he and I took them all to the wavepool/water park.

Um. Go back and read that.
Will and I took SEVEN kids to the wavepool!!!!!!!!!!
Yep. There were moments where I just looked at Will with that, "uh, what were we thinking" look. I may have also done the "I'm so nervous/ I've gone crazy" laugh. I can't remember. I probably blocked out that trauma! On a Saturday, at the pool with every other every-other-weekend parent. Yep. Good times.

Now, Will's kids are older (9-15 yrs old range), and they can swim. LL, on the other hand, CAN NOT. She's like a fish. That drowns. LOVES the water, but sinks to the bottom. Thankfully she didn't drown too badly, and I was able to (somewhat) let go a bit of my motherly fear and let her drown in peace spread her wings.

Bear, my little scaredy cat, had the lifejacket on. Although, he was lucky at times to get more wet than just his ANKLES! He is a fun kid. And clings to Will in a way that surprises both me and Sin. (of course, the men wouldn't notice, but Sin knows Bear, and knows that him clinging to ANYONE is rare). It touches my heart to watch Bear timidly overcome some of his fears. Do NOT ask me about how he 'overcame' his fear of public speaking.... yah. He had to give a scripture in Primary, and refused to get dressed for church because of it. Then, guess who had to give it ANYWAYS?!... yep. Cuz I LOVE speaking into a microphone that's 3 feet from the floor while I crouch down in my skirt with a whiny child beside me, trying to disappear on my lap and somewhat pushing me over so I land showing everyone my underwear my son. Although, Sunday, EVERYONE in my driveway (including Will, his 15 yr old son, and.. wait for it...Will's FATHER AND MOTHER) saw my underwear when the wind carried my puffy skirt up to my neck Marilyn Monroe style. yah. Good impressions die hard. nothin' like flashing everyone my pink camouflage undies to say, "look at the type of girl your son's interested in!"

Oh yah, the pool.
MIMI, bless her annoying terrorizing stubborn Wonderful three-year old heart, was not afraid in ANY way, shape or form of the water. She took off more times than I can count- trying to go down the big waterslide ALONE, trying to go down ANY waterslide alone. At one point, she took off and it was good I was right there to follow her quickly before she was half-way down the slide! She is a handful, but it's awesome.

So, aside from the baptism, some movie time, church, and a walk through the community, it was a great weekend with friends and friends' family.

Two Really Good Days In A Row?!

Yay for yesterday.

The papers got sent to the judge for our divorce. Which is scary, because if they don't like something, they send it back and it could take a long time getting everything 'perfect' for them. Or, he could reject our claim and enforce us to be separated for a year instead of the infidelity clause. Instead, we had stated a time on one page and had a half-hour difference on the other, so we have to fix that. And other than that, the judge says we're good to go. The clerks say they're running at about 6 weeks right now, so it's possible that within that period our divorce could be done. That'll be good to have it behind us.

Although there's so much other drama associated with yesterday, (money, Chris, friends) I'm gonna keep the gratitude attitude foremost instead.

I nearly finished laundry again-- a few loads today and I'm good for a bit. I LOVE that feeling.

Crockpot dinners are SOOOo underrated. When the last dayhome child had been picked up, having dinner already waiting was AWESOME! And tasty.

I finally took advantage of the +6 degrees and got outside. Putting LL and Bear on their bikes for the first time this year (and yes, that included a few pumps to a few wheels), I strapped Mimi into the jogging stroller and we went for a short (maybe 3 mile) run. Unfortunately, the sun was down and so all that melted snow had turned into black ice along the pathways. Bear only fell once while LL fell three times. It nearly caught ME on my butt once or twice too!! There was NO escaping it!! ahhhhh! But, I'll take it. Having the fresh air go in one ear and out the other (ha, thanks Auntie!) was just what I needed.

Home, homework done, bedtimes. They were so exhausted from the bike ride and fresh air, they fell asleep in record time. YAY.

I grabbed my "New Moon" book, started a hot bath, and made this:

Baked brie. It's my TOTAL indulgence ever since I made it at Christmas for the first time. Dangerous stuff, I tell you. THANKFULLY, when I run, I eat less. So I didn't eat the whole thing! ;) THIS time. :P

Read the book, took some time to read scriptures and spend a bit of MUCH NEEDED time on my knees, and hopped into a comfy bed. BEFORE 11 pm-- which hasn't happened much lately.

And it's Thousand Word Thursday. Here's my Thousand Word Picture:

So, today, I am having an "off" day. No TV (dayhome kids aside), no COMPUTER. No Music. No 'random' friendly phone calls. Because I have stuff I want to get done, and meditation to do. I need to work on me. I am looking forward to my off day. See ya'll tomorrow.

Childhood Logic

Mimi comes around the corner, pantless as usual, playing a game with her siblings.

Mimi: Na na na na na,, you can't catch me. ha ha haha ha, I the biggest!
Bear: No, you're not the biggest.
Mimi: Ha hahaha ha, I'n the boy!
Bear: You're not a boy, Mimi.
Mimi: no! I'n the boy! See my penis!?
Bear: you don't have a penis, Mimi. You're too little for a penis.

!!!!
How old are you when you grow your penis!!??

Um, Bear's a little confused apparently. Time for a biology lesson.

Six Word Saturday

My True Loves come in Threes.


.

(Bear, LL and Mimi, Valentines Day 2008)

Playing House

My kids are funny.

True, true, every mother says that about her kids at one point or another (I'd hope), but lately these monkeys make me laugh.

They're into playing 'house' all the time. We get elaborate story-lines, complete with costumes and family pets (which MAY or MAY NOT be one of the children!) and we get cars and... well, you name it. Sometimes they're assigned to certain roles, and other times, they get to pick their demise. "I'm the Mom and you're the horribly acne-prone, sarcastic teenage son who likes to eat bread and butter by the pound. And Mimi. you're the dog." Something along those lines, right?

So, the other day, Bear and LL were playing house.

During 'house', they decided to watch a drive-in movie.

They hadn't quite established their roles yet, so they sat in their chairs, watching High School Musical.

Bear looks up at the screen and sees this girl.
He turns to his sister, and declares, "I'm her Daddy."




Chris and I nearly fell on the floor laughing! Atta boy! lol
Reminds me of the Friends' episode I watched on reruns last night.

Watch from 8:11- 9:00

MAsTeRCarD'S lAtESt C0mMeRCiAl

One Child in time-out for hurting another child: 5 minutes (one minute per year in age)
One Large Mirror: 80$ from Stupidstore (on sale from $140)
The Amount of Glass one can get on the floor when a mirror that size breaks: 1,000,000 peicesDistance glass travels in said moment: 5 MILES!!
One child in time-out with anger issues who knocks over mirror: Priceless.

Fun fun.

And, today is off to a weird start-
Yesterday, I took two garbage bags from the kitchen out to the curb. Seeing as it was garbage day today, I didn't bother just leaving them in the garage until later that night- that'd be moving things twice, and my mother always told me that was silly. So, I took them right to the curb. At about noon.
Seven pm I went out to take LL selling her mint Girl Guide cookies. Garbage was gone.
????

Gone. As in, not spread all over the place -- nope, disappeared completely!!!
I started to worry about it. But over the night, I started getting all paranoid. What's IN that garbage??? Although most of my bills are ripped up and put in the RECYCLING for shredding, so it's unlikely that any fraud-seekers are going to find anything. But in that OFF chance that they do, it's totally freaking me out!! Who steals garbage?! And, seeing as it's kitchen garbage, they're gonna be slightly disappointed, I'd think. Unless they were WANTING 4 pizza-boxes from the other night. Still. What if something IS in there???

Ooooh, maybe my mighties came and took it off like ants do?! :/

Ask Away

So.

I had a meeting with my Bishop last night. Nothing of note-- just a 'how are you' talk. I told him about certain thoughts regarding certain things I'm going through- talked to him about my feelings on aspects of my religion. It was a good talk. And I didn't get called to the calling I was PARANOID I'd be asked to accept--- I HATE doing Primary Music, and that calling just 'came open'. SOOOO, to the "little birdy" who told him I didn't want that calling (and I KNOW you read this blog!!! ;) ) THANK YOU!!!!

I also had parent-teacher interviews with Bear and LL's teachers. All good things to say, in general. Bear's teacher says he's quiet, reserved and hardly says two words at a time to her. LOL-- yep, that's Bear. Or, it is when he's in a situation he's unsure of! LL's teacher says she's a KEEN learner, tries hard and has social issues in knowing how to properly play with others. YEP-- that's LL!! Physical and slightly abrasive to friends. Not news on any front.

GV night last night. Simple, talking with the girls. We spoke of this blog and how the girls don't think they'd be able to post everyday because they feel uninspired. But believe you me-- if you own a blog-- thinking about what to write about is sometimes the hardest part, no?

Whatcha wanna talk about today? I was kinda inspired by SO@24's blog today. Kinda sorta. I was thinking, what would people ask me if they were given the oppourtunity to ask anything?!!!

So, I'm opening the floor up to ya'll. Ask me anything, either through my email, or as a comment. I shall answer in a post to come. Never tried this before... maybe I'll hate it. Maybe there's nothing you guys don't already know-- or maybe I'm dillusional into thinking that you actually have something you WANT to know! lol

Comfort Zones Are Meant To Be Broken

Okay. I had a crazy, eventful weekend full of "firsts" or stepping out of personal comfort zones. A weekend of serious talking, of trying new things and of defining friendships.

Friday night, Chris and I spent some time together. We watched a movie, ate food, and in general, just chilled. We talked about things again, but this time we took some actions to explore how they affected our marriage and decide what we think of them NOW compared to when we were together. I had an experience with him I had kinda been thinking about for a while. (and no, it's not sex- which is what I'm sure one or two of you are thinking) It was nice. nothing like what I assumed it to be like, but good just the same.

Saturday was Bear's investiture for Beavers (he gets his tail and scarf for his uniform). It was GORGEOUS outside, and I took advantage of getting a few new photos taken of the kids and I. I just simply love the colours of fall. And being outside at Fish Creek Park during a perfect Saturday was icing on my cake. Of course, Bear was a bit of a bum about the whole thing. ANYTIME he is in a situation that's new to him, he shies away from others and pouts about having to do ANYTHING. It took him a good few hours before he even REMOTELY joined his colony in the activities, which, you can see here-- he was pretty tentative about doing. Who doesn't like making 'rain' and singing "Ging Gang Goolie"?! And then he cried when we said we were leaving. ???? I don't get it either. But the leaders there all make such a good effort to include him and make him feel wanted, and I am truly loving them for that. This program is phenomenal and I feel extremely privileged to have access to this for my children's' sakes.

After heading out for lunch, and having naps, Gramma showed up for a few minutes after her OWN Scouting meetings, which is always nice. We love living closer to family. LL spent a good few hours with the neighbourhood children finding ladybugs-- which, lemme tell ya, was pretty cool. And gross. I don't know if you can see how many they found- but probably close to 100 are in this tiny container- no short of a lie! I like ladybugs... but THIS many ladybugs is kinda gross.

After letting them go "home to their families", we took off to a dinner appointment with our friends. It was a blast. They're really fun to hang out with, and the four of us (Chris and I and them two) get along really naturally. We hadn't really done that in a few years, and it's nice to know that time didn't matter. We were just as good friends as we always were. It was sooo fun to stay up until the wee hours of the morning just playing and laughing and having fun together. We ended up sleeping there, as the kids had gone to bed LONG ago, and Chris and I were so tired and in NO position to drive home.

Sunday was again relaxed. My good friend had told me he'd be coming into town on the weekend, so he showed up on Sunday afternoon. Wasn't AT ALL what I expected, as he's really sick and needs a place to get better for a few days. So, I'll be nursing my friend back to 'something' of health. Chris will be staying here for the week to help me, as taking care of a sick adult AND the kids is a bit stressful on me, seeing as I'm unprepared for that. I feel pretty good about the fact that he felt comfortable enough to want to come to me for help. And I'm thankful that Chris is understanding and loving and mindful of my needs AND my friend's needs-- supplying clothes and stuff for my guy-friend who practically has nothing to begin with, and being willing to stay here to help. I guess I see where Bear gets it from-- stepping out of my comfort zone isn't too hard for me, but going against my 'routine' really challenges me. And, having a male adult in my house that isn't family totally freaks me out! LOL I know, I'm so silly. But still, I feel safer with Chris here-- which is funny, because my friend would NEVER do anything to harm me or the family. But it's a mental thing that I'm kinda dumb about.

I spent most of the weekend truly evaluating how I feel about practically everything in my life. I appreciated everyone's thoughts on the post the other day. I think I agree with EVERY opinion, to an extent. I mean, I see both sides. Now I need to see what I feel about seeing those sides, and what I want to see versus what I SHOULD see. Other than my kids, I'm finding that divorce really challenges everything I've thought I knew I was sure about. I talked with a mother of a boy my age who also went through a divorce a few years ago. She and I realize that he's really doing the same thing in his life- and, after talking with yet ANOTHER person about it, that that's probably par for the course. And I am enjoying figuring those things out-- how do I really feel about myself? About my relationships? About my religion, my future plans, my convictions and morals. I think about my role in other's lives, my role in my extended family. I am soooo excited for what new discoveries lay before me about me. I've never, in all my nearly 28 years, had this much self-evaluation and inner-reflection and personal defining.

I love living with no regrets. With just feeling what I feel when I feel it. Following my heart has taken on a complete new meaning I never understood like this before! and I love it.

For the Future

Dinner time brought some fun revelations. I thought I'd write them here to look back on in years to come.

LL:

• wants to go on a mission. To South America and speak spanish like her Auntie Kiki did.
  
• Wants to get married in the same temple I married Chris in! (lol) I explained that we didnt' get married in a temple. So she said she wants to get married in the Cardston temple.
• Wants to have 10 kids.
  
• Wants to be a police officer. Or a nurse.

Bear:

• Wants to go on a mission. To 'far away'.
• Doesn't want to get married, PERIOD! This slightly freaks me out-- he not only LOOKS like his Daddy...
  
• Doesn't want to have kids.
• He wants to build houses "and stuff".

Mimi:

• wants to go on a mission. To temple square.
• Wants to get married in "big, big temple!!' (FYI: This is the TALLEST temple (Washington, DC). Salt Lake is the biggest temple to date. Other interesting temple facts HERE)
  
• Wants to be a dog. :P
  

Debbi:

• wants to be a nurse.
  
• Wants to get remarried.
  
• Wants to have at least three kids. Let's start with that. :)