It's a Day to be Naked

Okay, not literally naked. Although-- that's always a fun day!

No. It's a day to be exposed. To let go of the facades or the fear of 'what people may think'. On top of that, Sin and I are putting "Naked" on the end of every sentence we write to each other on Facebook. Which is getting freaking HILARIOUS!!! It sure makes a mondane Thursday that much funnier! Naked. ;P You should try it naked. It can make some REALLY funny sentences naked. (and, after reading this post, if you insert "NAKED" at the end of the sentences, it's REALLY funny- ie: "I DID teach Chris how to treat me" turns into "I DID teach Chris how to treat me naked". Way funnier, hey?! LOL)

So, on the 'expose yourself' vibe.. here goes. I sat and contemplated for a long time about sharing this, and feel VERY exposed when I write it here. But here goes.

I have a pretty smart sister. Once.. I think it was last week.. we were on the phone, catching up and talking like we do.

Lola: Do you think it's possible that we teach people how to treat us?
Me: NO!! At least, I hope we don't. I don't think I taught Chris to treat me like he did. I don't think so, no.

And we dropped the conversation.

Fast forward to last night, when Chris and I were chatting. We talked about the way we were, what went wrong-- the inevitable talks that really don't help in any way. But, it's kinda cathartic, so I subject myself to it willingly.

We spoke of morals, of guilt, of learning from mistakes.. And then, I had an AHA moment. I DID treat Chris how to treat me.

Here's why:
When we were dating, he cheated on me once. We were dating, he felt that I was leaving him since I was moving to another province, and cheated. I'm the ONLY person he's ever cheated on. When he told me, we talked a long time about it. What it meant to the 'US', what it meant to him and me personally. I told him about BAMM, the only boyfriend I cheated on. I told him how much it broke my heart to have done that to him, and how it was the biggest mistake I ever made. How, in that moment, I wished BAMM would have forgiven me and given me a second chance. He didn't. I vowed to NEVER cheat again, and vowed that, if it so be the case, I would forgive someone who cheats on me. But only once.

Maybe that's dumb to you. But I know what I felt being on the other end, and knew that I wanted to never make someone feel that way.

BUT...

By BAMM not forgiving me, he helped me. He showed me that it's not okay. That he deserved better. And I learned that I NEVER wanted to do that again. And I never have.

I robbed Chris of that experience by forgiving him the first time. I TAUGHT him that it's okay to do that to me, because it was okay the first time. I taught him that. I sat there, telling him about this lightbulb moment, and we fell silent in thought, looking at each other. I taught him that it was okay to treat me like that.

After a bit of time, he tilts his head,
Chris: I wonder how I taught you to treat me the ways you did.
Me: *shrugs*.. I dunno.
Chris: will you reteach me?




Silence.