In Reply

I know-- I should be replying on the thread this all came from, but, once I started typing, I realized the reply was WAY too long, so I'll just post it here. Besides, there may be others who are confused.


In reply to (Anon #3): I think I've confused people, or else people are assuming things. Chris only SLEPT with one other woman- EF. He never said he loved her, and she knew he was married and with me. Somewhat surprisingly to some, he didn't tell her those things you suggested he said- both he and she (and the emails between them) have told me that. There was strictly physical attraction on his part, although she CONSTANTLY asked him to say those types of things to her and SHE SAID THEM. He never did.

He kissed and made out with other women, yes. Which is still cheating. But a one-night thing at the bar would NOT have him telling them he loved them and needed them to make his life better. So, no, he never told the 'other women' how much they completed his life. in that way, he wasn't cheating on the other women. Only on me.

(he *NEVER* had sex with a hooker-- I'm WAY confused as to where that came from!? If I alluded to that, I apologize for the confusion. But EW. no.)

Anon asked what my children will be seeing. They see him love me. They see him hug me. And hugs are something I'd want EVERYONE to have. My children will see, in spite of bad choices of their parents and everything we've done or said, that adults can get along. I have a FIERCE determination to show them how to forgive- and by not holding a grudge or saying snide comments, they will see that. They will see, in the future when they realize what their father did, that their mother rose above it. And I'm selfish and I want them to think of me that way. :) They'll know that they're loved, and that, no matter what we think of each other, Chris and I will be the BEST examples of a 'healthy divorce' that we know how to be. I know it's hard to understand, but we're doing everything 'right' according to the professionals AND MOST IMPORTANTLY ACCORDING TO US! And our kids will see that. I dated a man who is divorced who remained fairly close to his ex. I was too young to appreciate how difficult that would have been for them, but he and his ex are likely the examples *I* follow in my own divorce. Different situations, yes, but in general, a FAR better approach than the families who hate each other.

Anon#4, I'm not bitter. And I hope never to be. I know that sometimes I write things (and think things) that seem bitter-- but I hope that everyone knows that I'm not bitter. at least, *I* don't feel bitter. And you're right- he IS the father of my children.

Because of that, I will ALWAYS love him- as jerk-ish as some of his actions may have been, he is NOT the monster it's easier to believe him to be. We all know I loved him for a reason, and I'd like to think that in spite of my naivety or blindness or ostrich-syndrome as a 20-year old girl, that I saw the wonderful man and father he is and CAN BE the day I married him. I wouldn't EVER change that choice- I'd marry him January 13th, 2001 all over again even if I knew what was ahead.

When you love someone, I mean, TRULY love them... you always love them.