I'm Such A Boob

(BEFORE I GO ON-- THIS POST HAS PICTURES-- DO NOT READ ON IF YOU DON'T WANNA 'SEE EM!')

I got dumped last night.

Chris showed up after work to chill with the kids, and watch the girls while I took Bear on his birthday date to the movie (like LL's date I spoke about here).. Bear had chosen to take me to see Wall-E. Until Daddy came over.

So, I got ditched by a cute boy for... ANOTHER cute boy!? LOL Sucked to be me. ;) No, I'm okay. I'm always glad that the kids want to spend time with Chris, so I anticipate not being on many birthday dates in the future-- Dads time is a rarer commodity than Moms is. And that's okay.

And because many have asked.. A little TMI about the boobs.. Stop reading here if you prefer NOT to see pictures you may regret seeing!!!!

the girls are good. I got blisters on the bottom of the breasts- I think it was from the tape that the Dr. had put on the first day-- when he took it off, he was NOT gentle. Think RIP!! I think it slightly blistered me. Not the point. The blisters are hurting and oozing, because they can't heal! The bra is tight (on purpose) and has to be worn 24/7 (of course, not while showering, but yah, even to bed, etc) so it's kinda sucky. Other than the blister spots, which hurt, yes, the breasts themselves don't hurt. The only thing that actually hurts is my sides/ribcage and under my armpits. My pecks don't even really hurt- but they do if I try to lift stuff that's over 15 pounds or move my arm laterally too much-- like when I scrub the counters, etc. And they're bruised like a motha', but that just LOOKS awful, it's not actually sore AT all where the bruises are. The picture here is the bruising at day one-- it got worse by day 4!!

I'm getting used to them. They're big, yes, but I like them. I'd say they're 'growing on me', but in actuality, it's more like they're shrinking on me, as the swelling is going down. But yesterday I did it--

I put on a bikini top.

And, in that moment, I smiled. Yah baby-- THAT'S more like it. I felt good, and instantly remembered the trip to the store a while ago. Now I feel MUCH better about how I feel, and I am grateful I did it. I ALMOST look like the chick in the picture, and not the man! lol Well, one can hope, at least! The before....
and the After ....

HOLY CRAP. Seeing them side by side like that... whoa. Hadn't done that yet. LOL I've been this size before-- but I was also 60 lbs heavier and had a gut to offset them! But you can see the bruises now-- the after picture is taken today. Now you can all say you have seen them. Kinda. I may delete this post in five minutes, so take a good long look before I change my mind!

*UPDATE* after talking with a few girlfriends and loyal readers.. we all agree-- that 'after' picture above makes them look MASSIVE! And they're not THAT big. I think it's just the swimsuit. So here's a picture of me (on the phone with one of those said girlfriends) and another of just me being silly-- taken today with REGULAR clothes. My kids haven't even noticed the change, so obviously they can't be THAT big.


I got good news yesterday, though. The kinda-ex/ friend (see 'cue email' part) who had been doing so terribly in life finally called me last night. I was so happy to hear from him, happy he was relatively safe and doing a bit better. It was awkward, as Chris was beside me during the conversation, and I know how Chris feels about me having this person in my life. I felt bad for Chris-- kinda like showing him that hickey he showed to me-- you KNOW it's kinda hurting them, but not like you can actually hide it. But he understood-- he was still living at home when I last talked with this ex of mine and we got in something of a heated discussion... read: Ex was an A$$, and I told him not to call me back until he was ready to treat me with respect. Since Chris was there, he know how it bothered me, so he's glad that we finally 'reconciled'...read: Ex finally was sober enough to talk like a human.

And I got MORE good news: That person whom I'm extremely close to (see the third bullet in the link), with the sickness-- it turns out to NOT be the dreaded news we were expecting, and she and her family are all very relieved. Understandably. I am so happy that things worked out well in this instance. So many people don't have good health, and it seems that more and more people are dying of cancers and sicknesses and too young an age that just shouldn't be happening! I am happy that's not the case here, and continue to pray for continued good health for me, my children, my family, friends, and Chris. I don't expect daisies and roses forever. But I'll take the summertime garden while the season is blooming so I can remember the colours in the cold of winters to come.

Although, thinking of that... It's fall after this weekend. And, I do love the changes of Autumn.

Because it's Funny

I got this email. I laughed and laughed. So I am sharing it with you, because I'm that bored and because I think you'll laugh too.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb!
(now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(Holy crap!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I wanna be a pig)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy!)
(I'm still not over the pig)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(don't try this at home.. maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home.... what the....!!?)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes... lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,ooo taste buds.
(What could be so tasty at the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life... quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(hmmmmm...... actually, for me, my tongue has ALWAYS impressed people, so no shocker there)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that, too!)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(if they switch, they'll live a lot longer!)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

Yep.. stupid, useless facts.. Now, add a comment with one of your own stupid facts. No Jerry Maguire copycats-- we all know that dogs and bees smell fear.

Days of Interesting Days

I know, it's Wednesday. Which means it should be a Wednesday W's day. But because there's sooo much to say, I couldn't bear to subject myself to that forum for today. Instead, we're going on a different theme. Everything lately has been kinda... weird. So, today we're gonna do, Wednesday Weirds...

Monday consisted of a bunch of weird, random encounters that I was soooo unprepared for. I mean, none of them were BAD per se, but in general, they were just, weird.

I got an email from each side of a married couple, but each of them sent it to me personally. She wanted to know how single life was treating me, and he wanted to know about the boobs. LOL. Typical, right? okay, both of them are unaware the other has emailed me ON THE SAME DAY, no less. I don't hear from this couple EVER, and here, on the same day, they both message me. One with genuine interest in life as a single mom (?? should I assume there's a bit more to her proding?) and one with genuine interest in, to put it frankly, FEELING my new girls! Ahhhh, big problem, me thinkie. I had an inner chuckle to myself, all the while, thinking... is this for real!? Where's the hidden camera!? And how the heck do I reply to EITHER of them!?

Next is a phone call from someone who is, uh... ten steps more ahead of a relationship than I am. Problem is, that relationship centres on ME! HAHAH, didn't know I was in the market! lol AWKWARD!

Then, as if some weird bermuda triangle thing hit my life, that friend who was flat out ignoring me was totally acting all normal again. ??? uh.. did I miss something!? There was no reason for the ignoring. Nothing. So call me confused and paint my toenails, but I shook my head for the millionth time... and it was only Monday morning!

Another married guy friend keeps asking me to join him and his wife. First off, lets set something straight! I do NOT know why these things are all happening at this time in my life-- I find it disturbingly humourous. To that point of nervous laughter...uh...'is this for real, what the freek do I reply with? LOL" Secondly, uh, the answer is a resounding NO! Like you were all worried, I'm sure! HAHAHAHA. But, seriously! Worse of worse, his wife--- NOT INTO THAT!!! HAHAH, what, like bringing in a third person when your WIFE isn't into it is going to go as 'planned'.. That would be a mistake of EPIC proportions! LOL
Shakes head.
And, he is well aware of my situation in life currently, so asking me to help a married man cheat-- yah, A) don't know me well enough AT ALL!!!! And B) really don't get that I'm probably the LAST person to approach for support in that category right now! And ever. So yah, no. Major weirdness to me.

Then the doorbell rings. That's unexpected, since the kids I dayhome are all here-- and parents aren't due to arrive for a while. Who's at the door? EF and her daughter. !!!!!???? Nice to see her, her daughter rushes in and gives me a huge hug. (I, of course, am careful to hug people these days. lol) EF then starts gushing about the twins-- how much were they? They look great. How do I feel? What size did I go? ... and then starts to touch them. LOL For some reason, I felt pregnant again-- people who just up and touch your buldging bodyparts without permission. lol I thought it was fairly weird. Kinda waited for the 'I came over because I wanted to talk about such-and-such moment' , or 'I need a cup of sugar' or something. Nope. Just came over to check out the goods growing off my chest. LOL Just me, or a little weird?!

Weird was also knowing that I was 'alone' for reals. Uncle wasn't coming home later. He wasn't gonna be around to take care of the TWO Mighty Mouses that we caught while I was gone. ew. Chris was nice and actually took care of them both. Which was fine with me this time, as I'm not really feeling strong enough in my upper body to lift an entire SHOVEL to dispose of them MY way. LOL I can barely wipe my kitchen counters. So my kitchen floors, because they're unvacuumed, are pretty scary right now. Meh. It's just Crispy Rice cereal. It'll get cleaned eventually. lol

We went and finished the kids' school shopping... buying shoes and supplies. It was nice to have Chris' help, since pushing a cart woulda hurt. And I don't have the energy to deal with three monkeys alone. He has been helping a lot with stuff around here too-- getting stuff down from up high (that's the part of the surgery I hate the most-- don't really wanna lift my arms too high) and stuff like that. I haven't had to cook yet, so that's also a nice break. Won't last forever, but I'll take it for now. Thanks for the meal, too, Val!

Chris slept over Monday night. Before you all get your panties in a bunch-- it was totally fine. He, in his mid-life crisis, bought a crotchrocket motorcycle. He has wanted one for a while, so, in truth, it's not much different than me getting a boobjob. lol But the weather was crappy and raining Monday night, and he couldn't ride his bike home. He's only had his licence for a few days and isn't too confident to do that yet. No biggie. I'd prefer that anyways-- last thing I need is having to explain to my kids that something horrible happened to Daddy. Yah... soooo not up my alley. Parked his bike in the garage and slept here. Which was nice, seeing as it meant I wasn't alone in the house for the first night without Uncle. We didnt' want the kids to get confused, though, so he left before they were awake. I think having Daddy at the house in the morning would only create bigger confusion that niether Chris nor I think is a good idea. Weird, yes. But not in a bad way.

Yesterday morning I spent laughing until I cried, talking with my girlfriends on the computer. Man, I remember what I missed about that. Seriously, I have great friends.

Then, we had our final mediation meeting with Ms. Tim Hortons. It was exactly as expected-- smooth and no problems. We (being Chris and I) kinda expected to talk about certain things, but apparently mediation doesn't deal with financial agreements/housing..etc. So that kinda surprised us, only because we were hoping to put all that down on paper too. It's considered "Separation Agreement" type of stuff, and this was a "mediation agreement". Uhhh, what's the difference? Doesn't matter. It's done. At least, the mediation part is. I guess we'll eventually have to do the separation agreement part... which we will. Someday. It was nice to get that over and done with, though. Even though it took about 3 hours, it was totally good.

And my visiting teacher and another woman from my ward came over to watch not only MY kids for the 4 hours I was gone, but the dayhome kids too! Fed them lunch! Put them down for naps! Entertained them...and, shame of all shames, cleaned my kitchen. I was SOOO thankful. Especially because they both had much more important personal things to take care of, but they came and did that for me. I love the ward I'm in-- the women here are truly amazing examples of friendship and sisters.

And that pretty much leaves me at today. Took TWO painkillers last night in an attempt to get through an entire night without waking up at about 3 am in pain. It worked.... slept until the alarm went off, but my head reallllllly hurts this morning. BOO on that. So I took a tylenol. Taking a drug to minimize a drug-induced headache seems kinda addict-y to me. lol Ya ya.

Quote Of The Day

Be who you are and say what you feel
because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

Time to Settle Down

Okay, so I'm doing it. Sitting here, with far too much to talk about from the trip and no motivation to start. LOL I mean, where to start anyways?!~

okay, first off, since you're allll wondering with baited breath (okay, let's imagine-- because, honestly, baited breath just sounds suspenseful!) Yes, I got the job. I didn't need the lift after all-- Dr. said I could want one in maybe ten years, but don't NEED one. So I'm lift-free. And dang-nabbit, I'm happy I am! Because these girls are perky enough without a lift that I'd be worried I'd choke myself to death if I added the lift! lol They're very, uh... up there. In your face-- LITERALLY! LOL. It'll be a few weeks before they find their own, uh, niche, in my chest. ROFL-- this whole paragraph has gone WAY sideways fast. Point is (and yes, I have TWO points!!!!! LOL) I got the job. They're huge and hard and perky right now and slightly painful. I'm off the drugs-- can't be on drugs and dayhome kids-- that's just not kosher with me. And in a few weeks I'll be much more 'settled' into them.

Settling down- school starts next week and I am SO unprepared. Thankfully the uniforms are bought and sized and ready to go, but their shoes are still needed, and all their school supplies. And I'm looking for a carpool person to drive Bear home Monday to Thursdays after school so I dont' have to trek the dayhome everyday (during calgary winters.. blah) to get him at lunchtime. So not my cup-a-tea. And I don't like tea on a good day!

Chris came over last night. The kids had a GREAT time at my parent's house-- not that I knew they wouldn't anyways! They were talking about climbing trees and playing the piano and parades....they wouldn't shut up! Once we got them to bed, we talked for a long time again. We've turned a corner in our relationship again, a corner I enjoy very much. It's ALMOST at that 'why are we divorcing again?' corner, but not. I mean, we KNOW this is the right course of action, but the way we're getting along lately really makes us remember why we were such a great pair, usually. He signed the papers while I was in Utah. So now we're pretty much 'done' the work part. We have mediation tomorrow, but it should go smoothly and after that, there's nothing left to do. So that's nice. I guess. Weird. But good.

And I caught two more Mighty Mouses while I was away. Grrrrr. Time to buy more traps. But glad these ones are on the floor and easy to scoop with the shovel. haha. Now that Uncle has moved out totally, it really is Me against the World in this home. Scary. LL had a bad dream last night about our home being broken into-- her biggest worry is that Daddy's not here to keep her safe. I'm going to have to find ways to help that worry in her go away as best I can. I want and need her to feel safe at home. I know I'm not 'Daddy', but hopefully I can be one pretty darned good "Mommy" who does everything just as good. :)

Leaving The Old Me Behind

I'm out, guys! I don't even have time for a real post today-- busy packing and cleaning the house. (I know I won't want to clean when i return, so I have to get it done today).
I will post when I can-- but not likely until I return-- I don't know if I'll have internet access while I'm in Utah.
Believe it or not-- this sign is actually REAL and on the temple grounds! lol. I find that funny.

I need this. For the FIRST time, I'm purely excited to leave. Just excited. Gonna go, spend a bit of time having a BLAST as a girl friend with Kare, spend a bit of time in spiritual enlightenment walking temple grounds, and spend a bit of time just sorting out my internal issues.

Oh, and a bit of time getting new body parts, perhaps! My aunt said it best: I hope to come home with bOObs instead of boobs. LOL Or, this ( o Y o ) instead of this \ 0/\O/ hahahah. Man, I have too much time on my hands to make those pictures- I'm outta here to pack. lol

Take care of things while I'm gone! :P

My Personal YoYo: Take your Cue.

Yesterday was the proverbial 'yoyo' day. Cue bad mood...Started off really crappy, seeing as I didn't sleep AT ALL the night before. I couldn't make my head shut up-- no matter what I thought of, or said to myself, or how tired I was... nothing was working. I slept SOOO bad. Couldn't even get to bed until midnight, then tossed and turned, LITERALLY until 1:30. Woke up again at 3.. tossed and turned FOR REAL until about 4:30...got to sleepish until 6. Needless to say, I was tired. And it was the last day for a Redbull!! Sooo, knowing that, it probably won't help me and my tiredness today! (we'll come back to why I'm so tired today in a bit!) I will miss you today, RedBull. I'd BETTER get these boobs-- or this fasting of Redbull will be for naught. lol

So, I messaged my girlfriends, told them about my sleepless night and WHAT was going through my head. Got their opinions and support on the issue, and started to feel a BIT better. Cue mood up!

I've got a friend who's mad at me or something-- I can't really tell because, quite uncharacteristically, they're not emailing me back. I'm confused and hurt by the actions of this person, to the point that it's actually upsetting me. And we're not even that good of friends. I hate people being mad/angry with me. I hate thinking I've hurt someone or something, and hate it MORE when I don't know what I did or how to apologize for it. I still haven't decided how to address this-- I'm giving a bit of space that maybe they're wanting, and we'll just see what happens after that. Hopefully, whatever I did (or didn't do... or whatever) doesn't make me lose a friendship that I've enjoyed. So yah, that was upsetting yesterday too. Cue down mood.

Then, a bit later, I got a phone call from MC, who really helped alleviate my anxiety too. I love you, girly! Cue UP mood.

I didn't have an appetite AT ALL. So I was tired and going on NO food. No, that's NOT a reason to be excited that I'm down to 137, but the evil part of me isn't crying about it either! lol

I finally got a hold on myself, when my mother-in-law phoned. I wasn't ready for that. She's wonderful, as I've mentioned before, and I enjoy her and love her immensely. But to tell her how I was doing was really scary- I didn't want to admit it to people on 'Chris's side'. I didn't want HIM to know I wasn't doing well. And so, after her phone call and my buckets of tears, yes, we cue the moment my mood fell back down.

Cue job interview and girlfriends again. Put me in a better mood. I stress a little less about money now, as I was 'hired' by this lady on the spot, making my dayhome FULL. To top it off, a dayhome child that I THOUGHT was leaving in December, ISN'T any more. So, that child I agreed to in January to 'fill his spot', will put me into a bit of a crazy situation. But we'll see- things change, as I've said before. But at least my stress about stuff like that was minimized.

Cue email from a mother of a dear ex of mine. (I use Ex lightly). He's doing really terribly in life right now, and no one has really heard from him. I am really really saddened by this information. Really. He was the one in jail, who was turning his life around so well when he got out. My heart will always love him, and it breaks for his mother and family and of course, for his choices. I hope he stays safe and hope that someday soon he'll contact me. Cue sadness again.

Cue Chris over for dinner and to take the kids for a walk. I told him I wasn't ready to be around him today, that I'm not doing 'well' lately. I left to get some banking done while he played with the kids, and then we all stood around outside until nearly 9:30 pm with everyone's kids running around, talking in a circle with a few neighbours. They're great neighbours, we're very lucky that way. And they're fun, so, once again, the yoyo effect takes it's toll, and I am in a better mood.

As the kids get put to bed, I get ready to say goodbye to Chris. We stood at the door, talking for a while. He knew something was really wrong, because at one point, he asked if I'd rather sit on the couch and chat. I agreed. We talked for a few hours before Uncle came in the door. It was hard to feel like we could talk without being heard, so we hopped into Chris' car and spent most of the night talking about everything that's bothering me and him. Better yet, I finally got a hug. Yes, *I* asked for it-- kinda... I guess, it's better to admit that I 'went in' for the hug. He knew not to ask me for one anyways, as I had told him that a while ago. I can't express things here-- there's too much that was said, too much that was discussed, and too much that was felt. One thing I'll share: When discussing why I'm upset lately, I told him that I hate that I care so much. And he asked why I hate that.

I sat there for a second, then laughed to myself a bit. He's right. I shouldn't hate that I care. I'm proud that I care. And, the lightbulb went off-- the things that are bothering me lately-- I need to remember that it's OKAY to care about them. It's funny. Later in the evening/morning, he said, "I know you, but I feel like I don't know you". And he's totally right-- he knows me better than anyone-- my looks, my body language.. (and I him-- as I called him on it last night-- he 'sighs' everytime he finishes an internal thought.. lol) he knows me, and I him, but we've changed a lot in the past 3 months.

I think last night has helped me through a bit of the slump. I think something as simple as his hug was all I needed. But, more importantly, I think that the conversation was MOST important. Now you know why I'm sooooo tired today-- we were talking for so long last night that I only got about an HOUR of sleep.

Worth the sacrifice. Cue mood up.