Step By Step

She's baaaackk.
Even *I* can't believe how fast this week went-- it was so excitingly fun and full of family and love. A near perfect week. Although I swear I'm sooo tired-- it's rough having so much fun. lol

I'm gonna go right into the core of things. We'll get back to the light stuff later. ;)

Thursday night, Chris came over for dinner and to get served his papers. They were spelt and filed correctly this time (as far as we can tell), so it was SOOO exciting to get the ball rolling that way. I am glad to know we're one step down. Now we wait until August 16th for the next step (he has to have 15 full days to dispute, which he says he won't -- there's no reason for him to anyways). And we have a mediation meeting and then the rest of it is left in other people's hands (judges, etc).

We're in the kitchen before he's served, and he leans across me to do something. His neck flashes a HUGE purple hickey. I point it out, and simply say, "nice." He instantly gets mad, nearly yelling about how stupid the chick was and how mad he got at her, how immature it was, etc... My thought: Uhhhh, did you not NOTICE there was a vampire on your neck?! I had to remind him that the type of girls he's being with lately aren't exactly 'stellar, mature individuals' to be conscious of the fact that he is a project manager and can't have hickeys when he meets clients, and that a hickey is a mark-of-territory... tacky. He said he told her he was going away for the weekend to BC, and she did it after that. LOL-- TOTALLY marking territory. haha, funny.

He told me I wasn't supposed to see it.
???????
Uh, it's hard not to notice leprosy spots on someones' neck, Chris!!!!

He apologized, and reiterated that he had hoped I wouldn't see it, and asked if I was okay. I admitted to him that it does kinda hurt, but at the same time, I think it's pretty pathetic. I hate that it STILL bothers me, because it's not like I don't know he's leading that type of lifestyle, it's just the constant reminder that somewhat slaps me in the face. It's hard to explain...like that first love who gets married-- you're kinda sad, but you KNOW you don't want them for yourself. lol

Then (Friday) I was at the family reunion. I didn't really miss him, but I noticed the things I missed about having him around. Something simple like bringing the luggage in from the trunk-- that was something he would have done. Or making sure the kids' hands were washed after lunch while I was helping in the kitchen or something. I missed him in the individual family pictures- but only for ONE reason: the photographer set me and the kids up, then looked around. "Uhh, just you four?" And, it's not like he knew any differently, but it still kinda sucked. "Yep. this is it". Still kinda makes me sad to remember that moment- I felt pretty alone for a second there.

My cousin who is also going through a divorce was there. We chatted a bit. I am still sooooo grateful that Chris and I are amicable, but mostly, I'm grateful for clarity and peace. I think I've been super blessed in that regard. Why? I haven't figured it out yet, but I'm not one to look a gifthorse in the mouth. (That's a very strange expression-- who looks in a horse's mouth EVER, especially for gifts!?! lol)

On top of it all, it was Chris' birthday yesterday. A constant reminder of the weirdness of divorce-- do we have a cake (for the kids' benefit)? Do they give him a gift? What should we spend on it if we do??! Do we call him? According to the parenting course, we give a gift that the kids pick out. We did call him, and he said he was grateful to me for doing that.

You know what? This post has depressed me. I shall close it now, and come back to happier things in a bit. Maybe some peaceful laundry will help remind me that everything isn't as broken as I'm feeling right now.