This Was the Year.

It's the last day of December. And, in previous years, I've done this meme and it's always fun to look back on. After SUCH a crazy year, these answers may prove difficult to answer, or blatantly obviously easy. Okay, here goes:

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
drank alcohol

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make resolutions. Every day should be a new attempt at being better, not every year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
At my age, EVERYONE is giving birth. But my sister CC did, to baby Tiny. This is her with her cousin R-guy. Cutest babes of the year!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
luckily, no. Not that I recall.

5. What countries did you visit?
Canada and the US.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A healthy, secure relationship

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
February 16th- found out about EF. June 1st- Chris moved out.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
living on my 'own', losing weight, and emotionally dealing.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I'm not sure, but I'm sure SOMEONE will let me know! ;)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
nothing big, no. Emotional injury was about it.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The girls. The sisters. The Twins. .... b@@bapalooza.12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Wow. A HUGE list of people. Friends who lost weight and maintained healthy lifestyles; my sisters and brothers for MANY various things I'm proud of them for; my parents, their renovations, the million things they do for others; Chris' changes, his outlook; many friends having babies, changing relationships, finding themselves...

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and/or depressed?
Chris'. EFs. Some spouses of my girlfriends. Beau's.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Uh... I had money? Probably to food! These dayhome kids eat a LOT! And mortgage. On frivilous things? Clothes-- I went through many sizes this year, so I had to revamp ALL my clothes- from pants and dresses to bras and panties.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The Family Reunion in August.

(Awww. brotherly love. Slightly funny, slightly cute, and VERY disturbing!)

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
TOO MANY! I have almost a song-a-day kind of life. In general, "I Wish" -Jo Dee Messina, and "Stay"- Sugarland

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier
ii. thinner or fatter? thinner, although, it's almost the same
iii. richer or poorer? richer in ALL ways

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
counselling, working out, playing with my kids, travelling, eating healthier

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
gossiping, Facebook

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
At home. In Lethbridge with family for dinner. (this has already happened, so it's kinda tough to answer for NEXT year!)

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yes. Over again.

23. How many one-night stands?
HAHAHAH. Seriously!? This questions makes me laugh every year. Oooh, let's answer this in a way to get people all worried...
uh...
"I never slept with anyone when Chris wasn't there!". hahaha.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Prison Break. the ONLY show I dont' answer the phone in the middle of.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No. I don't 'hate' people.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Five Love Languages

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Lady Ga Ga, I guess. I love LOTS of artists, but most of them aren't new. Although Uncle Kannie introduced me to lots of good musicians while he lived here.

28. What did you want and get?
Personal clarity to find happiness, a new boyfriend, a happy relationship

29. What did you want and not get?
Personal ownership of personal decisions

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
Out of this list, I haven't seen many films of 2008. FAVOURITE?? Sex and the City, the movie, I guess. Other than that, in no particular order, I saw: Baby Mama, Made of Honour, Drillbit Taylor, Fool's Gold, The Lazarus Project, Kung Fu Panda, Tinkerbell, WallE, 21, What Happens in Vegas, Madagascar 2, Ironman, Mamma Mia, The Dark Knight, and 27 Dresses.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I trick-or-treated with the kids. Chris took me to Banff for the weekend. I turned 28.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

• I'd say "no affair", but that was in 2007 (mostly), and secondly, I think that the inner things that came out of that storm have been INCREDIBLY satisfying. I would have that pain again to have this joy and enlightenment.
• Less care for what others think about me.
  

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Evolving. I went from frumpy wife to thinner wife to thinner single-girl.

34. What kept you sane?
walks with the girls when I needed them the most!

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
i don't like celebrity/public figures like that. I guess Wentworth Miller... but not really.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The voting in the USA between Obama and McCain. The Coalition here in Canada.

37. Who did you miss?
Chris. Family.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I met lots of people this year, but lots of them I only know through computers, so we haven't really "met". People because of the TV show, mostly.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
When you listen to what your heart says, you may stand alone, but you'll live with no regrets.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I am not a child now.
I can take care of myself.
I mustn't let them down now-
Mustn't let them see me cry.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm too tired to listen.
I'm too old to believe
All these childish stories.
There is no such thing as faith,
And trust,
And pixie dust.
I try,
But its too hard to believe.
I try,
But I can't see what you see.
I try.
I try.
I try.
My whole world is changing,
I don't know where to turn.
I can't leave you Baby,
But I cant stay and watch the sitting burn;
Watch it burn.
'Cause I try,
But its so hard to believe!
I try,
But I can't see where you see.
I try.
I try.
I try.

Nothing, What's a Motto With YOU?

I have a new "motto". Well, not NEW, but new to share with all but ONE of you.

Make the Change.
Not "Be the Change" (although it's a great motto to acquire). Not that, no.

You see, my girlfriend and old neighbour has a 'theme' each year. And, in 2008, I realized that the main reason for things that made me unhappy in life was because I didn't change them. Or someone else didn't change them.

I got so tired of dealing with people who complained incessantly about things in their life that they weren't happy with, but didn't ever do anything to make a different outcome. I can't tell you how many times someone came to me with the same issue over and over again. And I took a step back and looked at the bigger picture.
A lot of times we don't see the forest for the trees, in that we don't realize that the root of the problem is deeper than the superficial problem we're complaining about. IF we sat down and really looked at the DEEPER, more obscure reasons for our unhappiness, we'd find that not only *this* issue would be resolved, but so many other things we didn't even know were bothering us would also take a turn for the better. This is the biggest lesson I learnt from myself AND from watching others' lives this year.

The first thing that comes to mind was my marriage.Just over a year ago, Chris was in the kitchen carving meat. I'm muttering about, cleaning the counters whilst he carves. He pulled out the carving set, and turns to me and complains, "this knife is so dull". I just look at him. Maybe he wants me to get him a new knife. Although, he's standing 2 feet away from the drawer with all the sharper knives. On top of it, the knife-set he's using has a sharpener attached to the case, I'm slightly confused as to why he hasn't decided to use it, and I suggest he try to sharpen it. He claims he already did and it's not working still. "Stupid knife... grumble...grumble...dull...grumble".

Continuing to clean, a few minutes pass. He says to the air again, "Ug, I can't stand this. This knife is SO dull! It's a piece of junk!". , I frown at him, and simply state, "then change the knife!".

Continuing to clean, he carves a few more slices, and once AGAIN repeats, "Seriously! This knife is the dullest knife, I hate it."

At this point, I lose it. Three times is two too many!
"Then CHANGE THE KNIFE!! Nobody's MAKING you use that knife, if you don't' like it, CHANGE it!!!"

In that time of our marriage, this carving incident was obviously about more than a knife. And he and I knew that. Chris wasn't sure he wanted to be married, didn't like his marriage, and ALWAYS told me about his unhappiness, but, at the time, never did anything productive to fix it.

(I'm sooooooo happy that things are so different now. He realizes how many things he missed out on. On how easy it would have been to just 'intervene' in his own life and take the bull by the horns, so to speak. We've brought up this knife incident recently, and made note of people in our lives who are still using the dull knife whist complaining all the while. He 'gets it' now. And I'm so grateful for that.)

So, I'm issuing the challenge. Change the knife yourself. It's not a big thing, but it MAY require a bit of work.Although I didn't take up the torch in 2008, I am in 2009. I'm challenging you to join me. Find a 'theme' for 2009. Something you want to focus on. Something you want to change. Something based on what you learnt last year (08).

My motto for 2009.
Make the Change.
The best thing I've done in 2008. And the goal for 2009.

The REAL Forgotten Carol

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!
EVERYWHERE you go;
I've got kids ages one through ten not listening once again
and candycanes make sticky fingers so!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!
Toys on all the floors.
But the prettiest sight to see is the shovelling, complete, up my own front door!

A pair of thighs that don't rub and a soak in the tub
is the wish of mommy today.
Walls with no smudge and a fistfull of fudge
may just melt the crabbies away.
And "dayhome Mom" can hardly wait for naps to come today!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go;
There's a tree in the living room,
that's sure to be dying soon.
And once it does, we'll burn it in the snow!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas;
soon the fights will air.
And the things that will make me laugh is the doll that's torn in half
when the tempers flare.




Okay, so that doesn't REALLY count as a post. But I have limited time today. With 11 dayhome kids, a few fights and snotty noses to clean up, and snacks and lunch on the way... I can't spend much time online.

I went out yesterday to finish the grocery shopping. Turns out I ordered Mimi's cake at the wrong grocery store, and had to drive half-way around town to go to the right store. My 1/2 hour trip took me THREE FRIGGEN HOURS!!! The roads were packed with ice and snow, and everybody and their dogs were out getting Christmas shopping done (no kidding-- I saw some person's dog left in a non-running car IN MINUS 35... I was a bit angry at that). It was not a fun way to spend the afternoon! But she loved her cake, so whatdya do!?

Mimi's third birthday last night was so cute... she was adorable. We got our family photos (and her birthday photos) done too. Kinda sucked that the camera broke AGAIN in the middle of our shoot, and we lost some of the better family shots. :( It always works that way, hey?

As I'm paying for the pictures, Meems tells me she has to pee. She then takes her pants off RIGHT there in the studio!!! Needless to say, we darted up the THREE STOREYS of the department store to find the 'closest' bathroom!!!! And made it. Phewsh.

I did my run. Watched Prison Break. Talked with friends. Ate a plate of cheesy nachos to offset my 'health' (haha), and got a phone call from a BC correctional institution. All in all, a busy, good night.

Yay or Nay (a la Ginger)

Yay for only 3 days until Christmas.
Nay for the season coming to a close soon.
Yay that our Christmas tree isn't totally dead, seeing as it's been up for over a month.
Yay that it didn't fall down AGAIN!

Yay for Mimi's third birthday today!!!
Nay for her getting some weird ear infection last night and screaming for a few hours.
Yay for friends who get out of bed to come give her a blessing.
Nay for having a CRAZY busy dayhome today!!!! Ten kids and counting! Party.
Yay for the money.
Nay for making the lunch! ;)
Nay for the mess.

Yay for having hours on Saturday all to myself to do whatever I wanted to do.. for ME!
Yay for a new haircut!
Yay for an early Christmas present from my in-laws.
Yay for a new bra- by the way, with b@@bapalooza, buying bras is neither cheap or easy to find, as I have to go to a specialty store. Don't ask why, but I've ALWAYS loved buying new underwear!! It's the best.

Nay for more snow to shovel... meaning bad roads to drive on. blegh.
Yay that I'm done my gift shopping.
Nay that I'm NOT done my grocery shopping.
Yay for running 7 miles this weekend-- sorry, I'm sure you think I'm lame, but I'm kinda proud of myself so far!

Nay for being told our ward (at church) is being split again next week and knowing we'll be in different wards than some of our friends AGAIN... for the 2nd time in 3 years.
Yay for having the ward split and possibly knowing everyone in the ward again!
Yay for seeing friends yesterday that I don't get to see often.
Nay for friends of friends who are having a not-good Christmas season.

Yay for not getting too sick (so far) and 'killing' whatever was giving me a headcold and sore throat.
Yay for school being done and not having to make lunches for a whole two weeks!

Yay for new family photos tonight- yes, they are including Chris for these ones for the first time in almost 3 years!
Nay for not cleaning the kitchen ALL weekend, and having to do it today in order to find some clean utensils!

Today's Mail

Dear Digital Post Employee,
I'm writing you in advance of my lovely boyfriend's impending visit. Although he's cute and tall (and we all love tall men), you'll have to see past that to notice a flaw. Unfortunately, dear boyfriend is a procrastinator. I did not know these things when I married him. *another hindsight thought that dating for more than 2 months would have probably been a good idea* So, please forgive him for thinking that you can make a digital present today in an hour of him needing it for his Secret Santa gift at work. We can all agree that his idea is humourous, in using the mug idea from The Office, but the execution is lacking.
When you so politely reiterate what he has ALREADY learned from your website, (that it takes at least 2 days to get it done,) and he gets a little flustered, don't let him intimidate you. He's harmless. Unless he has a good set and a volleyball, he won't hit you! ;)
Sincerely,
Someone who would NEVER say "I told you so" to someone who comes home empty-handed.

Dear Global News,
Your news casts are usually informative and the morning show is often much entertaining. Of course, being ON the show is always good. But that's not the basis of my bias. I chose you in the morning for Josh Groberman- let's admit, a man in a traffic helicopter is hot, no matter what.
I digress, I admittedly laughed out loud at your RECOCKULOUS news article this morning on people in Calgary who are 'frustrated' with the weather. The written article is much more in tune with my feelings, but the television segment had me appalled. The myriad of Calgarians who were complaining about the 'horrible weather' and how frustrated they feel because of it makes me shake my head. It has been less than 2 weeks of bitter cold. And we didn't get snow until December started! You need to put more INFORMATIVE news casts together. Because we live in Calgary. It snows here. ALL winter. And Calgary is cold. Deal with it... er...chill out.
Sincerely,
Frozen

Dear Mother Nature and Jack Frost,
It's a bit cold. Could you please turn the furnace on a WEEE bit? I'm not asking for tropical, I'd simply like to take the kids out in the backyard to make snowmen without getting frostbite on the way down the deck. Your capricious winter storms are fine, but a little moderation is always regarded.
But thank you for the Christmas snow. Much appreciated.
Sincerely,
Realistic
PS- if it's not too much of a bother, could you snow only on the grass and houses? I'd like to stop shovelling my driveway. Well, I'd like my sister to stop shovelling my driveway for me! ;)

Dear Walmart,
GET MORE SHOVELS and ICE PICKS! It's Calgary. It's winter. And inevitably every year, you preposterously run out of shovels a week after the first snowfall. This is an obtuse situation that you can prepare for in advance.
Sincerely,
Another patron who is ice-pickless for the 4th year

Dear Kleenex,
I like you best. Your brand of nose-tissue is superbly pinnacle, and I will always be a Kleenex purchaser.
However. When I'm blowing my nose every 2 minutes, with GOBS of green nastyness going into your tissues, I notice a few things. One: with that much goop, my fingers STILL don't stay dry. Your commercials mislead-- I don't think your tissue is THAT absorbent. And TWO: soft and lotion-infused or not-- my nose is red and raw, and Rudolph has an understudy for Christmas eve. Please remedy this situation by adding more lotion. Or by adding Tylenol Cold and Sinus medication to every package of Kleenex. Or hot chocolate packages. Or painkillers for the raw nostrils. Or ephedrine to open the sinuses. Or sleeping pills so I can get better. Or uppers... because...uh...
Sincerely,
Debbi, the Rotten-nosed, maimed dear.

Run Run Rudolph!

It's midway through week 2 of training.

I haven't missed yet. (okay okay, so what's 2 weeks of training!? Seriously?!)

I'm proud of myself for not missing yet. These first two weeks are seriously easy-- on the grand scale. I mean, what's a measly 3 miles compared to 26.2 miles (the race amount)?! Some days I really REALLY don't want to run. But I remind myself that if I can't convince myself to get on the treadmill for a simple 1/2 hour run, how the heck do I expect to do a 5 HOUR run!? I mean, let's be serious here-- if I can't do 3 miles, I'm not good enough to do a marathon.

And don't tell me I'm not good enough. That just fuels me.

So I run.

Truth be told, I run less because of the marathon itself, and more because I want to lose weight. I could care less how healthy my arteries and heart are. I mean, that's nice and all. But I just. don't. care. I don't care what running is doing to my knees or ankles or lungs or joints or spleen. I just know it makes lean bodies and tight bums.. and, let's be honest here, why else would I be running!!!?

No, I'm purely in it for the vanity. And that's the part that pushes me to keep running. Sure sure, I'll go to the marathon. it's a good 'goal'. Running JUST to lose weight won't be enough of a reason for me to continue (although, it should be!). And, if I do my daily training, NO MATTER HOW SUCKY I AM AT IT, at least, if I can't make it through the marathon come April, I'll know that I didn't ever miss a training day, and I had no 'excuse' for not being trained enough. I know me. I know that skipping even ONE day will do one of two things...

1. Skipping one will make it easier to skip another one down the road. To find a lame excuse after lame excuse. And, seriously, if I'm going to skip a run, it best be because I'm in a hospital bed. Dying. Of something life-threatening. Or a colonoscopy. through my mouth.
   No wasting 'skipped run days' on "I DON'T FEEL LIKE RUNNING" excuses! That's just sissy.
   
   
2. If I don't make it to the marathon, or I don't make it THROUGH the marathon, I'll only blame "December 18th" for my failed goal. The elusive day I didn't run when I should have. When I could have. No, I will NOT make myself have a crutch when I don't need one. Isnt' there a saying, "No other success can compensate for failure in the roam". :)
   

And I'm competitive.
Against myself. Against people who think I can't do this. And against people who have done this and have shown that there is no excuse strong enough to keep it from happening. If THEY can do this, I can. And should.

Running 6 miles on Saturday was one of the best feelings yet. Sure, it may still be 20 miles away from the TRUE marathon length. But for the first week, I'll take that sense of accomplishment and run with it. (har har) It's a GREAT feeling to finish the day's run. To feel like I reached another mini-goal. That I accomplished something great in spite of not wanting to.

So I run for that feeling.

But, truly, I just want the bum. Let's be honest.

Now What?

I am struggling with this.

I feel like 'failure Mom'. I don't know what's gone wrong in the process of raising my daughter, or what I should be doing that I'm not. What I've been blind to that everyone else sees, or that LL's been trying to tell me but I didn't listen properly.

I got a phone call yesterday from LL's teacher at school. First time the teacher has ever had to call me at home for a child, and I felt like *I* was the one in trouble. Which I was, technically.

This new school has strict policies on certain things. LL AND I have had to adjust our routines to more fully obey the new 'rules' and expectations. One being daily homework and reading. I mean, I encourage the homework, and in general we accomplish it. But we're not 100% (probably 95%) and every time she misses her homework assignment she gets a 'Homework Link' (aka: a note home that needs to be signed and returned). They're not a good thing to get, and once you get a certain amount, you're sent to the office for some consequences.

LL has received a few. Turns out, a few is all you need. Fair enough. *WE deserve them. Just as much as I'm responsible for being the mother and ensuring her work gets done, she needs to take responsibility for her homework too. They really stress responsibility here. Again, another reason we're happy with this school.

So, the phone call from her teacher was to talk about homework. But it turns out there's a lot of other issues.

LL doesn't know how to PLAY. She is a VERY VERY social child, and always has been. But she's bossy and extroverted. She's abrasive and sarcastic and opinionated. (ha, where's she get that from, hey?!~) She can make friends QUITE easily, but doesn't know how to play nicely in order to maintain friendships. So she's lonely.

The other week she sat down with Chris and I and told us how she hates her school and she's lonely and has no friends and hates the bus and the rules and doesn't feel, what she claimed, "comfortable" there. We talked with her about the issues, and tried to listen and feel empathetic to her. I tried to be responsive and non-judgemental. I tried to build our relationship instead of having her come to me and finding that she feels MORE lonely than she did before the talk. I tried to say what she needed to hear at that moment. And mostly, I just tried to listen without giving advice. (not easy for me)

Chris played 'bad cop' in the trio. He told her, with good intentions, to 'fight back' against people who were mean to her.
I play 'good cop' and try to remind her that she can be nice to people who aren't nice to her.

And in the end, I'm not sure anything was fixed.
So, frustrated and depressed and feeling like a loser-mom, I called my mother. She raised 9 kids-- she's GOT to have some sort of experience in these matters.

It was a great phone call. To get ideas and help, to turn to my mom the way LL turned to hers. I am taking the suggestions she gave me... looking for other 'loner' children to introduce to LL in hopes that the two of them will find the friendship in each other that they are missing on the playground. Mom also suggested I come to *you guys* with the same plea I asked her: what do I do? What do I say?

Well, the teacher's phonecall yesterday only made the situation more clear and pressing. Turns out LL has been 'bullying' another child in her class. Calling her names and such. Also turns out that LL has been teasing another girl who sits on the bus with her. When the principal got involved, she asked LL why she was being mean to the girl on the bus.

LL: because she is mean to me!
Principal: What does that look like?
LL: I don't know. We've just decided we're not going to be friends.
Principal: But, how is she mean to you? And why are you mean to her?
LL: She just says mean things. So I'm going to be mean to her because my Dad told me that I don't have to let people be mean to me!

Grrrrr. Chris and I had a long talk about that one. I didn't like his advice the day he gave it to her, but after yesterday's talk with the teacher, I'm realizing how much I REALLY don't like that advice. He frowned-- it was not his intention in telling her that for her to use it as a retaliation, but more as a defence. He didn't want her to be the one being 'bullied'. *(This whole "bully" word-- never existed when I was young. And I find it somewhat ridiculous in the way they make it worse...)

I then got to get ANOTHER phone call from the principal this time.
LL has bus issues. Homework issues. Social/playground issues. But let's not stop there:

Math Teacher: LL, seems like you've gotten a few homework slips from me lately!
LL: Oh well.
Math Teacher: LL, once you get 4 you have to be sent to the office.
LL: So? There's nothing you can do about it. I've only gotten three.

WHAT THE FENCE! She seriously said that to her teacher!!!!!! Obviously she got sent to the office. THANKFULLY her teachers are all INCREDIBLE. They all want her to achieve the potential they all know she possesses. They all know her sense of humour, they all know her strengths and weaknesses. I am SOOO grateful for teachers and faculty who are patient and willing to work WITH ME in making LL into a model student and a child that sets an example for others in the community. For people who work WITH THE PARENTS in dealing with issues.

We talked about life in our home. How LL behaves around people at home. How she sucks her thumb. EVERYTHING.

Now. We're trying to figure out how to nip this in the bud before it gets to a point of no return.

Homework first. That's up to me. It's one thing I CAN influence.
They moved her on the bus.
And, starting the new year, they'll be enrolling her in a course held by the school with specialist who work with socialization issues in children. She'll learn how to make friends, how to KEEP friends and how to BE a friend.

I just feel so helpless. Like I've failed somehow. And I don't know how or when or what to do now. Advice? Anecdotes? Anything? prefice to say, I know some people's replies will be about 'prayer' and asking God for help. I'm aware of that CONSTANT answer-- it's always there, and I don't forget that. I'm not really looking for that advice right now, as it's already known. I'm kinda searching for more 'tangible' ideas or advice... things I can physically DO or say or try to understand.

My Christmas Letter

It's the week before Christmas,
I'm getting out the 'poem'
to tell you what's new
in my slovenly home.

No envelopes needed,
no buying of stamps.
No, this year's ol' faithful
is FULL of revamps.

Oh, don't think that this one
is same as the last;
for this is the year
I don't give a rat's.....!

Just kidding. No blue air.
(See, I've learned some new phrases)
In fact, I've learned TONNES!
Let's all sing blog praises!
Besides, we're not mentioning rodents or mighties.
Or surprises I find when I'm checking kids' di-dees!


Okay, January was chalk full of fun!
I met the X-weighters. All seven of them.
(okay, so there might have been
only us five.
But the meter matched "se-ven".
*insert word-ends-with-"ive"*)

But the next month, oh baby,
is brim-filled with kindness.
When EF's lovely hubby
told me of our blindness.

I must confess, February's kinda a blur now.
No sleeping, no eating. But I made it! not sure how.

So onwards and upwards
to March through to May.
Come counselling at night
come working by day.
Come friends through each tear
come anger and hurt.
Come dealing with pain
and a whole lotta dirt.

But May brought the episode
all were tuned into,
With flame-special pants,
I told tales of my milieu!
I left makeup on Fred,
I left P'rogies with Paul.
And Chrystal can shove it.
Her 'self-help' and all! :)
But the best things I changed
were the pounds on the scale
and an outlook on life.
It was worth the travail!

And then May, as our "trial
month" came to a close
I sent Chris from the house
for a concrete repose.

I walked and I walked
with my girlfriends each night.
We'd laugh and we'd cry,
and make everything right.

My favouritest month, though,
was August, by far!
All my family together.
And nothing bizarre.
(well not counting my siblings,
cuz let's be honest, we ARE!)
Then off for 'vacation'
and road-trip to Utah.
For some LDS sightseeing,
and B@@bapalooza.

*sweet, I can't believe how those last two words rhymed.
You'd think that I planned that. Yah baby. Well primed!*
And Uncle moved out.
Which was not quite well-timed.
Time away from my walking and girlfriends just CLIMBED! :(

Then, back to AB for some work, school and play.
The whole month was over. The next on its way.
As Chris and I spent just a little more time.
Apparently, to be apart was a crime.
We're a wonderful pair,
so we dated a bit.
And we're still fig'ring out
if we two can 'MAKE IT'.
We're both in the midst of some "figuring out".
But so far, we work well, and we live without doubt.

We took in a friend who we feel was in need.
And, about that decision, QUITE a few disagreed.
A million more comments came out of the fray,
from family and friends. For the others? can't say!
Anonymous people from far and wide
gave opinions aplenty. I laughed, and I cried.
Perspective is everything. And nobody died.
And my household was fine with what I did decide.

Off to Banff for a birthday,
lots of fun to remember.
And before I knew it,
we're into November.
A quieter dayhome (the full-time kids moved)
but at least the status of my 'marriage' improved.
(Although, in this "newness",
we both feel much like rookies.)

Then I spent many weeks
making myriads of cookies!
And the eighth cookie party went off with a breeze
and we've many a cookie tucked in the deep-freeze.

And low and behold, here we are at the end.
Abasking in cold, but kept warm with good friends!

Good riddance to 2008,
dare I say?
If I never go through this again,
that's okay!

But I'd miss out on all of the learning this year.
And for 2009, I have not e'en a fear.
What I learned? Well, no matter what's thrown in my way,
SOMEONE from SOMEWHERE will have SOMETHING to say! ;)
So, I'm keeping it honest.
I loved year 'Oh-Eight.
And hope that the next one is simply as great.

And the theme of the year? Where's my marriage now at?
Will it rise to the top, or just simply fall flat?
Let's hope 2009 holds the answer to that!

Merry Christmas!
Good New Year!
And all of that stuff.
Now I'm off to drink eggnog and clean.
In the buff.

(dont' picture that, though.
I may be "X-Weighted"
But I have not ran the day's miles
for the marathon slated)
So maybe I'll be better off in my footslog
than trying to think up some rhymes for the day's blog!

Presenting: The Presence amongst the Presents

Getting in the spirit of Christmas this year has eluded me.

I mean, I am fully immersed in "Christmas." I've attended party after party after incessant party. I've done the baking, the planning, cookie-exchange. I've done the shopping, the sorting, the sneaking, the wrapping, the hiding. I'm decorated. I'm singing the songs. I'm watching the movies.

What else!?!

Something isn't 'there'. As the title to this post suggests, there's presents everywhere. But the TRUE Presence is missing.

So, I have less than 2 weeks to 'get it'. To find the spirit I need and desire. That "Christmas spirit". The reason for the season.

And I couldn't be more excited.

I'm going to do the 12 days of Christmas with my kids. I did "Pixie-ing" with my family my whole life (that I remember) and it was always the best thing!!! I want to make sure my kids feel the spirit of Christmas too. I'm going to stop watching "Frosty the Snowman" and start watching more "It's a Wonderful Life". I'm going to turn off the dance music on the radio, and tune into the all-Christmas station. I'm still doing the parties and the presents/ the wrapping and the "rapping". lol But I'm adding the memories. The skating. The giving. The photos. I'm adding Christ.

I missed the First Presidency's Devotional a few Sundays ago. :( It's beautiful music by the MoTab, and great messages of the season. LDS or not, you should listen. I did yesterday. I get to see my sister, Marci, my parents, and my other sister, Terri today!! I haven't seen M since August, so that's really exciting to pick her up from the airport today. Then Chris and I are heading to an overnight Christmas party. (AGAIN!)
Then, my mother is doing a large Choral Cantata on Sunday- and it's always filled with AMAZING music.

*sidenote: if you don't know my mother, she's one of the most talented musicians you could know! She's kinda a female "Mr. Holland's Opus" type-- can turn ANY group of singers into miracles! So, if you're in Lethbridge Sunday night, come listen to some FANTASTIC musical selections. EVERYONE is invited!

These two things (the devotional and the cantata) are part of my Christmas. So I am happy to have those.

I told Chris I was doing this for the next 2 weeks. FULLY immersing myself in the Christmas spirit. He teased me about 'torturing' the rest of the family for the next two weeks because of my over-enthusiasm. But he smiled and, because he has an AMAZING 2 weeks off work (which NEVER happens!) he's actually looking forward to spending the time making those memories too. But I need my kids to feel it too. To really 'get it'.

This is one year where I want to end it on a high. And at peace. To end the year half-fulfilled would be a detriment to everything I've overcome this year. And I won't let that be for naught.

I'm open to suggestions for how to further my quest for the season! (keep in mind, I still have a dayhome to run, company arriving in town starting Monday through to Friday, Beavers/Guides, school concerts, ward parties and all to still attend, and it's supposed to be BRUTALLY cold here next week-- so, things I can do in or around the house, things I can watch/listen to on Youtube or TV or other activities you can suggest are GREATLY appreciated...).

It Just Snow Funny!

("On the other hand, the neighbours keep planting nice, big trees next to us")

("Eggplant Casserole tonight?" "Why, Yes!")

("First she says go out, now she says come in!")

("Snow Sharks?" "That guy's a goner.")

("Mom and Dad don't value hard work and originality as much as they say they do")

("You have to admit, it's slowed down the traffic on our road.")

("You don't like my 'Snowman House Of Horror,' do you?")

("I think we'd better get that kid to a psychologist")

My friend, Genkibond, reminded me of the simple joys I draw on in cold, blustery, yucky, slushy days. With running in the snow, I'd like to be able to draw back on images like these to make the run that much more enjoyable.

I mean, you could all learn my routes, and then set up 'mock' scenes (as seen here)

and periodically change them up each week so I don't get bored of the same ones.

OR

I should invent something like the Ipod, only, like glasses. Where you can run AND watch a movie/scenes. I'd upload Calvin and Hobbes like candy! OOOhh-- Happy Candy Friday!

I've found that I have a way better run when I'm distracted from the PAIN ALL OVER by something good on the TV. Of course, this is because treadmill running is BRUTALLY boring! And Dora just doesn't cut it ALL the time!!!

I'm really really hoping Santa brings me an Ipod for Christmas. I have used Chris' in the past, but he changed all the settings, and now my cool country music, my rocking religious tunes, and my stellar showtunes are no longer on the playlist. geesh, how rude, hey? ;) So yah, if Santa doesn't get one for me, I will splurge for myself and get one Boxing Day. I can't run an hour and longer with my own THOUGHTS!! GAHHHH!!! kill me now!! Can you imagine how crazy I'd be at the end of this training!?!?! Tired, sore, sickly thin (here's hoping), out of breath, and having 5-hour long conversations with myself! yikes! And you thought I was crazy already! I'm not crazy. Yah, right. You know, nobody asked you. Well, nobody else wants to tell you the truth to your ugly face. Oh yah, jerk? Take THIS!!!

Movie Meme

1. Name a movie that you have seen more than 10 times.
Pete's Dragon, pretty much any Disney movie, pretty much any DORA movie

02. Name a movie that you've seen multiple times in a theater.
Blair Witch Project, The Sixth Sense

03. Name an actor who would make you more inclined to see a movie.
Gene Kelly, Will Smith, Robin Williams (for their acting abilities, not their looks. Cummon, people, I have MUCH better taste in men than Robin Williams! lol)

04. Name an actor who would make you less likely to see a movie.
Nicholas Cage, Tom Cruise, Keanu Reaves (looks or not, they ALWAYS play the same character in all their roles, and they annoy me)

05. Name a movie that you can quote from.
Princess Bride, Disney movies/ Pixar movies

06. Name a movie musical that you know all the lyrics to all the songs.
Grease, Chicago, The Sound of Music, Hairspray, Dreamgirls

07. Name a movie that you have been known to sing along with.
See above. Although, I haven't seen Mamma Mia yet, and I'm sure I'd add that one to the list too!

08. Name a movie that you would recommend everyone see.
Patch Adams, Pay It Forward, Dude Where's My Car

09. Name a movie that you own that may surprise people.
Deuce Bigalo, Male Gigalo

10. Name an actor that launched his/her entertainment career in another medium but who has surprised you with his/her acting chops.
Jaime Fox ( technically, he went from acting to music, but it was still impressive)
NOT Jennifer Lopez. Not even close!

11. Have you ever seen a movie in a drive-in?
Yes, a few. Although I don't remember which ones.

12. Ever made out in a movie?
See above answer. (haha, totally totally kidding.) If I made out in a movie, it was a rented movie, not in a theatre. That's just a waste of money!!

13. Name a movie that you keep meaning to see but just haven't gotten around to it.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith

14. Ever walked out of a movie?
No.

15. Name a movie that made you cry in the theater.
Life Is Beautiful (with subtitles). But I've cried at home lots: Pay It Forward, Patch Adams, The Notebook, PS I Love You,

16. Popcorn?
abso-freeking-lutely!! with butter. I actually prefer microwave.

17. How often do you go to the movies?
Hardly ever. Three times a year, max.

18. What's the last movie you saw in the theater?
Madagascar 2.

19. What is your favourite/preferred genre of movie?
I really enjoy most anything, other than sci-fi. Batman/comic book heros isn't really my thing either. I like action, scary, drama, chick-flick, even

20. What was the first movie you remember seeing in the theater?
Snow White.

21. What movie do you wish you had never seen?
Borat, Lord of the Rings

22. What is the weirdest movie you enjoyed?
Moulin Rouge. Trust me, you need to see it a few times to really learn to enjoy it. The beginning is enough to turn people off.

23. What is the scariest movie you've ever seen?
The House On Haunted Hill. I am really disturbed by that one. NOT to be confused with "The Haunting", which came out about the same time. The Haunting, I liked.

24. What is the funniest movie you've ever seen?
Hm, nothing comes to mind. Lots of movies are funny, but none left that lasting impression, I guess.

25. EXTRA CREDIT - Favourite Christmas Movie?
Points to you guys who know it-- I've only mentioned it, like TEN times on this blog!!

Maybe I Really Needed That Nap!

Yesterday.
Doorbell rings as I'm contemplating laying down on the couch for a little 'cat nap'. By the way, who came up with that phrase, "catnap". Seriously. If you've ever OWNED a cat, you know as well as I do that they don't NAP. They sleep. Everywhere. All the time. In annoying places. And, like Chris when Mimi yells at 2:30 in the morning " I'n DONE!!!" and needs someone to wake up to wipe her bum , there is no awakening the sleeping dead cat to get them to move out of the doorway. Like a furry, clawed draft-stopper.

Okay, back to topic of cat nap. Er. Mom nap. Let's be real. A Mom doesn't nap with both eyes closed. I always tried to get into things when Mom was "sleeping". And, magically, with her eyes still closed and her foot bouncing off the side of the cushion, you'd get the "Don't even think about it". And then she'd keep sleeping. *my mom bounces her foot to sleep. It's an endearing quality that makes me think my father probably couldn't fall asleep without that rhythmic bounce on the other side of the bed.

ANYWHOODLE,
the doorbell rings.
The Elders are there. They come in to warm up with some hot chocolate and stay for quite a while. They're awesome. It's then I am glad I ran in the AM, as they would have arrived to find me sweaty and half-dressed. Not exactly the look I need them to remember about coming to the Barber's home. ew.

Later, supper time.
Doorbell rings again.
Weird- we weren't expecting anyone.

Dayhome mom is standing there. They had an interview with me a few weeks back, and asked if they could start full-time for their child starting December 1st. And I agreed. December 1st came and went, and I didn't see hide nor hair of that child. no phone call. nothing. I didn't have their number yet, so I continued taking interviews and got a full dayhome without their child.

So, she's standing there, smiling. I'm standing there, surprised. Only 9 days later. ?????

She tells me she lost my number. Okay, that I can give her the benefit of doubt for.
She tells me her hubby got laid off. I gave her my sympathies, and she reassured me that it was no big deal as he found another one the next day. So, now I'm thinking, somehow I'm sure that matters to why they didn't contact me.
She asks me if I'll still take their child immediately.

For the first time in my entire dayhome life, I said no. I got a bad feeling about them. Kinda like the Crazy-dayhome mom from a few months back who walked away suddenly without paying me a whole months' worth.

I told her that I knew she knew where I lived, and she could have come over to tell me about it a LONG time ago. She could have looked me up in the phonebook. I told her (nicely) I needed more stability and respect than that from parents of the children I watch. And I told her that I was now full. Thankfully, I was able to fall back on that reason without ONLY sounding like a jerk.

But, my wrath was unfinished.
I went to pick up LL from Brownies. They have a sign-in/sign-out sheet where parents have to sign out their daughter before she's allowed to leave.

I'm waiting behind a few other parents, in line, waiting for the sheet to get to me. LL walks right out of the gym, to the front door, and nearly OUT the door. Doesn't see me at all. No leaders know she's out. No leaders are even at the door!!!!!

So, when I finally get to the front of the line, I sign her out, probably a full 2 minutes after LL walked out. I ask the lady (IN THE GYM) who's holding the sheet, "why do we have to sign them in and out?". She says for 'safety'. Oooooh, wrong answer, hun!! I lost it. I was near tears, as I explained to them how LL had been able to walk RIGHT OUT THE DOOR of the gym AND out to the outside doors, and no leaders were aware of her missing. Later, driving home, I thought it would have been better for me to sign her out and ask them where she was, just to freak them out. maybe then they'd be where I was! TOTALLY freaked. I talked to LL about leaving the gym without a parent, but seriously! THEN, I noticed that last week, she wasn't even signed out!!! I was in a meeting, and Chris had no car keys (they were accidentally with me), so he called my neighbour and sent her to get LL. She was a 'stranger' to the leaders, but they let her take LL home without signing her out, and without even stopping my neighbour!!!! They didn't call home, they didn't question it. nothing! Didn't even get a name! I was surprised, because a few weeks ago, a boy in Bear's Beaver colony WALKED home by himself one night. NOW they stand at the door, and parents are not allowed to leave without signing them out AND holding their hand. No boy goes out that door alone, unsigned. I hope the Brownie Leaders take that initiative, as I was pretty upset yesterday.

Yes, I am slightly still in 'my mood'. So that didn't help. Don't mess. -- I'm cranky!! ;(

Early to Bed and Early to Rise

.... makes me less tired and reduces my thighs.



No? That's not how it goes? Well, it was my mantra on the treadmill this morning!!!!

I did it already.
3 miles done for the day. Man am I glad for a treadmill- as the -15 degrees and slush and snow doesn't much appeal to my running self. On Saturday (the BIG runs), I'll go outside, but I'm grateful for the TV show. After doing the bootcamp in -42 (with windchill), I have some good 'keep-warm' gear and running boots/shoesy thingamajigs.

That's a good feeling- knowing that running for the day is not still on the 'to-do' list. I also think that it will help my energy levels through the day (at least, that's the big experiment). And I am hoping that my diet will be better too, as I find that when I exercise, I eat less and feel bad about eating junk.

Albeit, I've already had two timbits since my run ended 1/2 hour ago! lol. Okay, when the dayhome kid brings them, what am I to do!? ;)

I also had a dayhome child come over last night at 11:30 pm!!! Mom went into labour, so he slept here. So excited to see a new baby, but sad that this means Gray will be here even less as Mom takes maternity leave. Thank goodness for January 1st- I'll have THREE full-time children, with a possible fourth! that will make things SO much easier around here. I have to find someone to drive to get Bear from school, though, as I don't have enough carseats to safely transport him every day. I may pay another mom at the school to do it. Money in, money out.

Although, my freezer is getting a good cleaning lately! Those packages of stewing ground beef ribs that I didn't know what to do with-- now baby, WATCH OUT! (no really. Watch out. Could be poisonous, and quite frankly, I wouldn't eat it if I had the choice!!! ;) )



Last night I was "sad". You ever get those days? Where you're just sad? no reason?
I lost it on my kids, which is never fair, and...
get ready for this one...

I ALMOST fell asleep in the middle of Prison Break!!! What is WRONG with me!?!!!! (Don't answer that, dumb dumbs!)
Nothing a good night's sleep didn't fix and a morning run.

I Like 'Em Big, I Like 'Em Chunky

So, this weekend was exhausting!!! I don't have much to say, but it was just a LOT of stuff crammed into one weekend. I need a nap!

I did end up running afterall on Friday afternoon-- did my 3 miles that I also have to do this week (Mon, Tues and Wed). It took me about 35 minutes, so I look forward to cutting that time down substantially. Then Chris and I went out for sushi for dinner, and the two of us went to the mall for a bit after.

We ended up at a party for some friends of ours, and after a few 'obligatory' hours, we took off downtown to a nightclub to meet up with Chris' best friend and his fiancee who were in town for a concert. His friend is like his 'brother-from-another-mother' type of thing, and Chris is the best man at the wedding this coming summer. We love the both of them, and always have lots of fun together. We danced and caught up, then went out for Chinese after. It's "THE PLACE" to go after the club-- Singapore Sam's is legendary here! Then, back home.

"Uncle Andrew" and "Auntie Joelle" stayed overnight (they live an hour and a half drive away), so they left in the morning, and I took the kids out shopping in the afternoon. Running a bunch of errands, photocopying, getting Christmas presents, etc. It was super nice outside!

We also took the kids to see Santa, and we all went to Madagascar 2. (cute movie).

Later, picked up the babysitter, and went to Chris' work party. Well, the second of three. It was held at Zen8, so sushi was on the menu AGAIN! ;) Good thing we both like sushi. This Zen8 place put on a drum show, which brought me back to one of the favourite things I did in Japan! I wore a nice, simple short-sleeved, knee-length black dress, and no jacket and it was soooo nice to be out in December, NOT freezing my toes off in little strappy shoes.

And now we're in the middle of THIS!! Over night! Literally! Waking up to this yesterday was so exciting for me-- now it's beginning to feel like Christmas! Finally.

I made Chris take 'before' pictures of my "pre-marathon-training" bod last night. YUCK!! Of course, having previously DONE before and after shots, I made sure the before was as nasty as I could make it! tee hee. When the 'after' shots are taken, I may share them with you. Until then, count your blessings that I'm not sharing them today! ;)

Can I Do This?!

It's official.
Ish.

AHHHHH.
I can't get over my decision!! I'm scared to death, and yet I totally am thrilled with what the next few months hold!!! It's gonna be SO much work! it's gonna test me mentally and emotionally and physically. And I couldn't be more excited and more threatened.

I'm just grateful that I have so many people to count on to 'help' me. To encourage me along the hard days and to cheer with me on the little accomplishments. Good friends like Sin and Becka and MC and Val and Carla- the girls who've walked beside me every step through this type of thing before. For Kare and the 8GVs who hear my complaints and encourage me. And family who pushes me to go for what makes me happy.

And this time, with Chris. He wants it too.

Last night, as I was talking with him, I asked him to commit to me-- to help me, to encourage me and to do everything he can to make it work.

This morning, he said, that no matter what it takes, he will support and help and encourage me.

So.

No excuses. You're all gonna keep me accountable.
I start training for the Nashville Country Music Marathon (held April 25th in Nashville) on Monday. It's my last official day of laziness! ;)

What? you thought I was talking about Chris moving back in? :P

Under the Tree

With Christmas being only 3 weeks away, I figured I'd get a head start on my Christmas list for Chris. Two weeks and 3 days early, but this way, he can't say I didn't give him enough time to save up! ;)

You know, as a child, every year I had a smaller wishlist than I do as an adult. I'd tell Santa to bring me 'anything for a girl'. Hence the Barbie Comforter fiasco. Poor Santa had nothing to go off of! lol The only problem is, as an adult, I've bought most of the things I need (and lots that I want), and so anything left on my list is WAY too expensive for me and MOST LIKELY too expensive for anyone! So, this is my RIDICULOUS and extravagant wish list.

1. A trip somewhere warm. REALLY REALLY warm. With beaches and no bugs or lizards. And cheap. With a swim-up bar and cabana boys who wear white pants and have bulging muscles and walk around oiling and lotioning whomever 'needs' it.
2. The new iHubs. by CGGB. Check it out-- sounds good!!
3. Or, if needs be... I do accept gift certificates. I like to shop. I like all types of "shops"...Candy Shops (clearly), beauty shops, barber shops (hahah, that's only because it's my name. I'm funny like that), the Scout shop, M & M meat shops (meals in 1/2 hour-- who doesn't love THAT?!), corner shops, bookshops, photoshop (although I don't know how to use it!), window shop(ping), toy shops, talking shop (er...actually, don't talk shop with me. It's boring).
4. Lastly, I would accept One Million Dollars, plain cash. In a card or envelope, or not. Either or. Unfortunately I can only use bills of denominations of 100s, but we can work out a payment plan. :)