Letters from the Employer

Dear Mr. Will,

Your presence at this weekend's conference was greatly appreciated. It is always nice to be with you and your company. You are doing a fantastic job of keeping the southern division running smoothly (Haha, don't even think it, you dirty-minded people-- I'm CLEARLY talking about his geographical location!) and we appreciate your hospitality to our delegate we sent your way this weekend. We are currently investigating our need for someone of your calibre up here in our division. If you are thinking of relocating, I'm sure we can accommodate your needs. I would be nothing less than happy to have you working with our team up here, and I'm willing to negotiate terms of your contract, should you feel that our division is more suited to your liking.
Please don't hesitate to call, I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
The BOSS!


Dear Mr. Economy,

I would sincerely appreciate it if you got off your lazy butt and did something productive around here. Your inability to get a move-on is, quite frankly, a little tiresome and overplayed by now. You have a job to do, and the rest of us are busy working ourselves to the bone to fix your asinine issues.

Your lack of commitment around this office has negatively affected others in your absence. Our CFO in charge of Adolescent Affairs is in need of future revenue, and our company is in need of further increase in order to keep our business in this location.

If you wouldn't mind getting back to work here at the office, that would be a good move to make on your part. Unfortunately, should you decide NOT to pick up a bit of the slack you've created, the terms of our employment agreement state that there is nothing I can do about it. So this is my proverbial flippage of the bird in your direction.

Indignantly,
CEO, CFO, CAO, COO, CSO



Dear Mr. Energy,

We look forward to your return to our location in the near future. We trust that your extended leave was well-spent, and assure you that there is much to do to remedy your absence. Our bottom line does not look as promising as it did before you left, and we are eagerly anticipating your expert attention to those issues.

We understand that your return from your sabbatical is possibly temporary through the summer months, as it usually is, and trust that you will be able to achieve our needed goals before your winter hiatus again.

Thank you in advance for your enthusiasm throughout the coming months.

Yours,
Mrs. Stella Corpulent