The Night It All Began

I had bought crabs for dinner. You know: those live things that have yucky eyes that bulge out at you and pinchie fingerie thingies. And, apparently, they needed to be killed humanely before they died a slow death in the plastic bag the Stupidstore lady put them in. Sheesh. SO not my idea!But, Chris wasn't around. And I had to kill them myself. And it was getting late. Time was running out!!!!

Uh. This is not a fish. I can kill and clean fish. This was a crab. Still alive. Blowing bubbles out it's mouth while it suffocates slowly in the bag. This was a cranky crab. ("crabby" crab just seemed too easy) Ready to kill me and my sleeping children. With all his crabby friends. The Crab Mafia!

So, I did what a regular person does. I cried.

And then, in laughable tears at myself, I called my girl. My girl who is more afraid of killing crabs than *I* am. But I knew that, if she at least came over, she'd cheer me on through the tears, and the laughter would make the horrid experience worth it.

So, Sin tells me that her brother is at her house for the night, and he can come over to help.

uh, okay. Whatever makes me NOT have to kill them. Bring over PETA, for all I care! Really, party at my house. Watch Debbi cry. Kill some crabs. Good times.

This is "hot-brother-Roll-On-Floor-Laughing" from the ONE picture on Facebook I had ever seen of him. And believe you me, according to what *I* saw, he was NOT 'hot'. Sin had told me a million times how hot he was, (in a not-creepy-for-your-sister-to-say type of way), but frankly, these pictures were NOT verifying her statement. See?

And then they arrived at my door.

Seriously, you could feel it. Where "it" equals "chemistry".

He WAS hot brother. He was fun, and we started talking and joking just like we knew each other for years. Which was weird, cuz I didn't know a THING about him, other than, like me, he was also recently separated.

Sin and I couldn't go near the box of plastic-encased, bubble-blowing crabs. We were stuck, holding each other in that nervous laughter/near tears way, curled in little balls, on the couch in the other room adjacent to the kitchen. Will walked over, all manly, to kill the killer crabs and save the day. Grabbed one. Stuck the knife deep in its belly.And then. The crab *grabbed the knife with its claw and tried to pull it out!*. NO WORD OF A LIE. Will literally SCREAMED LIKE A GIRL, jumped away, and ran towards Sin and I with a look of sheer terror on his "manly" face.

Now, that "Roll-On-Floor-Laughing" part?! Yah. Sin and I literally DID! We were laughing soooo hard at poor, terrified Will's girlie scream. And he was sitting on my couch, curled in a ball, just like the two of us!

Eventually, Mightie Crab died. And Will was business as usual- getting back to the crab cull. But, he was getting crab-o-death juices EVERYwhere. (ew) So, I grabbed an apron, and, being the flirt nice person that I am, I put it on him because his hands were all gross.

And so, there it is; The day Will took my crabs into his own hands and saved the day.

And the rest, as they say, just friggen ROCKED.