Return to The Asylum

My house barely stopped shaking from the busy weekend, and last night three tornados hit it. Yes, three! The noise from said tornados was OVERWHELMINGLY loud- didn't stop howling for about 2 hours! The mess incurred in a mere 2 hours to a perfectly clean house is incredible!!!! I didn't know how much destruction could occur so quickly! It made my head spin.. until they fell asleep in their new beds.

It's back to 'regular' chaos here now. 8 kids playing hide-and-seek. 2 kids with poopy pants at any given time. I think they conspire against me to alternate who's dirty so I get to play the guessing game-- or worse, the check-diaper game where, on rare horrible occasion, I get a fingernail full of 'presents'. ew.

I missed it.

on other notes:
Chris comes back yesterday, sits down at the kitchen table and sadly, says to me, "I hate it when you're angry with me. Like, it really upsets me".

"Good". I said back. (hahah, I'm such a cow when I want to be) Then I clarified..."I'm not angry with you. I'm hurt by you. And I'm tired of that, so now I'm guarded around you. It's not you I'm angry with. If anything, I'm angry at myself."

"well, it bothers me"

"you did it to yourself. It's your own fault."
He couldn't reply- he said he knows it's his fault, but it still bothers him. I am still 'angry' a bit. But not steaming like I was that Thursday. I just wish I hadn't reacted so much. I can't remember the last time I lost it like I did. For not being a fighter, my fighting words were out. So were my tears, but still.

Wednesday Ws

Who: Me
What: decided to blog the weekend in pictures
Where: (sitting in front of the computer, duh!)
When: Okay, maybe the 'W's don't work with this! lol
Why: because there's just so much to put. So pictures can say it best.

So, I started with these carpets--- they needed some serious work!!


Uncle and I went to my ward on Sunday because my parents came into town to pick up their new car and drop off the pressure washer..


So Monday I pressure washed the deck, then scrubbed it with this chemical stuff to get ready to stain it.
I had 4 Elders come help me stain the deck, but it started to downpour and the staining couldn't happen. Instead, they did some gardening.

Naturally, I made time for the girls, Sin and V. We went for our walks. And the bugspray in the picture is the BEST part of the photo-- if it weren't for bugspray, we'd have been sucked dry of EVERY drop of blood in our bodies! The bugs on the ridge at night are CRAZY!


I don't know if you can see this-- in the car are about 8 HUGE boxes of stuff from Ikea.
So that I could make this room of LL and Mimi's into THIS:

That Ikea loft bed only took me 7 hours on Saturday! :(
Saturday night I went out for a bite with Staccey. I'm gonna miss ya, girl! :)

And then I got sick! :( I woke up yesterday with NO voice, and today's is pretty scratchy. So I'm working on these... mmmm cherry halls are yummy. I didn't do much on Canada day-- just chilled, mostly, finished the carpets, cleaned a bit, and watched a movie. Took a nap even! woo.

So, yah, carpets are cleaned, deck is washed, bedrooms are rearranged/fixed, groceries are got, and everything's ready for life to begin again today. The kids will be coming home this afternoon. I didn't have TIME to miss them! ;) But I'll be glad to see them again- I'm sure they'll have LOTS to tell me.

My Issues

So, after thinking a bit more about the things that were bothering me yesterday with Chris, I've decided that the general population doesn't need my internal vomit. So my paper journal will be the sounding board for the details about this one.

What I DO feel comfortable sharing is that the issue stems from Chris breaking another promise to me. It was a really hard thing to deal with, hard to hear and hard to understand. In my hurt, I got quite angry and lashed out. I said things that I'm not sure I meant-- that's still to be determined. Worse yet, I said them where the kids could see me yelling-- they couldn't HEAR, but they could see (they were in the running car on the driveway, I was in the garage with Chris) I'm not proud of that moment. I truly lost it-- haven't done that in a long time!! Point is, I feel completely like the idiot.

His promises to me have ALL been broken- yes, every single one. Why I thought that in forgiving so many HUGE broken promises, he would finally 'change' his ways is beyond me. I've heard him say how much he's changed, how much he's learnt, and I guess I just thought keeping promises (OR, better yet, NOT MAKING ONES YOU DON"T INTEND TO KEEP!!) would have been part of that change.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

I feel like the idiot. No, I'm not looking for any pity parties. My girlfriends/sisters tell me I'm not the idiot, but it doesn't matter what they say...It's just a feeling I'll have to get over on my own.

On OTHER issues:
I signed the kids up for the Baptist Church Soccer program. It was scary, being at the 'block party' where registration is, because I thought about EF a lot. That's where we met- through this soccer program. Just icing on my tumultuous day- I didn't want to see her that day. I didn't see her there.

After that, I went to the mall to try to find a swimsuit, since my last one DEFINITELY doesn't fit anymore! 50 lbs, I'd HOPE it doesn't still fit! After scoping out a few stores, I ended up at Swimco and tried on something similar to this.

BY THE WAY-- losing 50+ lbs in the course of a year-- I may be MUCH thinner than I was, but there's NEW issues with swimsuits I've never encountered.
One, I do NOT have this:
I have something more along the lines of THIS: (hahahahah)

so that was DEFINITELY not helping my bad mood yesterday. After the bikini-top wardrobe malfunction incident, I tried on bottoms. Uh, I don't think the internet even HAS pictures of said nastiness! LOL Needless to say, I did NOT purchase a swimsuit. Owning said suit means being SEEN in those suits! AHHH. I wouldn't do that to people.

on that note, I will eat the rest of this nasty poptart and WILL be running tonight!!!!! So help me, I will run!!

A Fallen Angel?

I have a dayhome kid here. We're calling her Angel. Which she is-- she's barely 1-year old, but walks and does stairs (fairly new accomplishment, so sometimes her way of "doing stairs" involves taking the family escalator...aka...falling). She is ALWAYS happy, she is probably 50 lbs of pure love and joy-- rolls on her rolls type of girl. She's probably THE sweetest babe I've ever met, and seriously doesn't cause ANY issues here. I've seen a lot of happy babies, but she takes the cake. It's easy to love her.

So, two days ago was a pretty warm day outside. My back door gets the sun for most of the day as you can see in this picture, so the kids were in and out of the backyard, playing. In and out, back and forth, filling cups in the bathroom to take outside and put water in a tub on the deck, getting snacks, adding said snacks to water tub to make a nasty paste of guck that I now get to clean up!...ew... etc.. being kids. Good thing they're cute and well behaved.

Angel is no exception-- in and out of the back door. So, when she stood at the kitchen table and cried and cried, it was odd. I was making lunch, so I figured she was ready for food and her nap, which were BOTH imminent. I let her cry-- there was nothing else I could do-- she needed to eat and sleep and I can't make the food cook any faster.

When I finally went over to her, I picked her up, and her crying continued. I put her on the carpet-- crying still. ??? this is odd. Finally, I forgo the lunch for her, give her her bottle and take her upstairs for her nap. It was the first day of her mother's request that I alter the formula ratio in her bottle, trying to 'wean' her to water at bedtime. So, when I changed her bum and put her down, she continued to cry and cry. Obviously she was SUPER tired. Wouldn't take her bottle, which didn't surprise me because it tasted oddly like water! lol Frustrated, she'd take a few sucks and then scream in anger.

I closed the door and went about the day.
*cue hours later*

She wakes, I pick her up out of bed. She's crying. ????????????? At this point, she should be 'better', but she's still crying. Bottle is done. I take her down the stairs, and put her on her feet at the bottom of the stairs onto my tile floors. She falls to her butt in what appears to be rage, continuing to cry.

Into the cupboard to feed her a snack/lunch that she missed. I grabbed one of these, and, standing at the pantry, offer it to her. She makes an attempt to get up to walk to me to get it, but on that instant, she cried out again.

AHHHHHH!! LIGHTBULBS GOING OFF!!!

Let's go back-- she had fallen down a few stairs earlier, as per her daily ritual. She falls down the stairs nearly once a day. Not the full set mind you, but a few, sometimes. And when she does, it's usually nothing of note.

So, instead of going to her, I stand there, offering her the paw, now with the intent to watch what's hurting her. She tries to stand, falls to the floor. So I walk over to her to investigate her leg, which I assume is hurt somehow.

I pick her up gingerly, and look at her feet first. Bottom up, is my method.

The verdict is on her feet, RIGHT in front of me...
One giant blister from her heel to the pad of her foot, recently popped when I stood her up at the bottom of the stairs, and only NOW I notice the 'water' in spray-form underneath her. Every toe is blistered.. EVERY one.

???? Blisters????? From what?!

Notice the sun beating through back door? What you may not notice is the metal threshold. Poor thing likely tried to step on it and burnt her foot so badly. I administer 'first aid' (hours late, but what do I know!?) and bandage it up. Then I have to tell her parents.

Gah. That bit the big one. They take her to the Doctor--- SECOND DEGREE BURNS!! :( I feel awful. I hope her parents don't hate me for life. :( Soooo bad of a dayhome mom.

So, in lieu of said accident, what am I up to today with my three imports??? We're buying a rug to place over metal threshold so this doesn't happen again. What I don't get-- why didn't any of the other 6 kids mention it was hot? Why did she keep her foot on that heated thing for so long-- as, because of the degree of burns, the Doc said it HAD to have been there for a while! :(

First first-aided issue at the dayhome. Let's hope it's the last for our little Angel, and let's hope it's not in the near future for someone, ANYONE, else!!!

I'm Not Ignoring You

I may not post too much for the coming week for a few reasons--

• My kids are gone with Chris now, so there's no funny stories to share. This one, however, is cute:

Chris: Do you want soup or beans for supper, Bear?
Bear: Soup or Beans!? WHAT ARE SUPER BEANS!???

haha, he's so cute.

• I only have a few dayhome kids tomorrow and then 4 whopping days of NO kids. Which is slightly good because yesterday was the first day I had to administer first aid to a child, and I feel slightly sick about it! :( Will blog about that later (I'm off to pick up Bear's soccer pictures and medal, and register the monkeys for that Baptist Church Soccer camp)
  

• I'm dealing with a few things emotionally (Chris related, obviously) that I'm not quite ready to blog about. But I will. I just want to own my feelings first, to really know what it is I'm feeling and be able to express myself accurately.

• On top of that, I have a million things I wanna do while my house is (mostly) empty.. wash carpets, stain decks, clean house, garden,..all those things I need to get on top of and have all the time in the world to do them in. And hopefully good weather for!
  

New song I love:
Realize- Colbie Caillat

I think I'm gonna buy her album tonight. My 'weekend alone' album. Her music is all great, and I like her sound.

Wednesday Ws

Who: Sin, V, and I
What: went walking
Where: regular 'route' around the paths and such in Cranston
When: last night
Why: Other than the obvious answer of trying to lose weight- after my FIRST NIGHT rollerblading this season, I really enjoyed last night's walk. We had some tight conversation and there were laughs and, believe it or not, I think V got close to tears a few times. The exercise is always a bonus, but I think that I need those walks more for the friendship and the love from those girls than I need to walk for 2 hours. I love them, I love how they don't judge or look down on me, I love how they confide in me too. There's something to be said about girlfriends who you can be 100% yourself in front of and not worry that they're gonna turn around behind your back and think about you any differently. That I can be assured that my personal 'issues' and stories are no worse (or better) than anything they've done or thought.

Who: LL and Chris
What: went on LL's Birthday Date
Where: to the movie "Kung Fu Panda"
When: last night, after soccer
Why: every year on my kids' birthdays, they not only get their pictures done and their new 'outfit', but they get to go on a date with one of their parents. LL always picks Chris, which I think is AWESOME. I loved going on dates with my Dad, although sharing my dad with 5 other sisters didn't allow for many one-on-one times like that. Which made them that much more special. She picked me one year, but usually it's Daddy. I love watching how excited she gets on her way out the door, and since I was out with Sin and V yesterday walking when they got home, I didn't get to hear about it until this morning at breakfast. She loved it, and raved about her night for a while. It melts my heart.
Everything aside between Chris' desire for me, his desire for his children and time spent with them is fantastic. He loves them and I'm grateful for that. He is a great Dad-- an even better Dad now that he doesn't take his time with the kids for granted like most of us do. And the kids adore him- as they should. It makes me love the Father in him more and more. I will ALWAYS love that in him, as LL pointed out last night-- She asked if Chris and I were still 'partners'. We've always told the kids we were partners so that they'd realize that asking Dad for something didn't mean it was okay to ask Mom if he said no. They've realized that fact early on, because they knew we were a team. He's still my 'teammate', and I can't say anything bad about his playing style.

Who: Ms. Moneybags herself... (me, in case you were wondering.... and in case you're wondering--read that with OOZING sarcasm!)
What: took her van in to be fixed and maintained
Where: the mechanics'
When: last night, after soccer, before LLs date
Why: well, we've been meaning to get the van fixed for a while. We knew we wanted to get it done and ready before the divorce goes through, so that the financial burden was equal, seeing as it was an issue before the divorce-talks. We were advised to take care of those types of things, so that's what we're doing. In addition to that, Chris is taking my van to his camping trip with the kids, as it's a better option than his tiny Golf and it makes more sense to do it that way. So he needs it to be safe as he drives through the mountains. So, we dropped it off last night. Got a phone call this morning from the mechanic. There's a bunch of crappy things wrong with the car, but it wasn't going to cost tooooo much.
Until he did a certain check and found a leak in the power steering.
Yah, said leak is in the "guts" of the car, and needs to be replaced. Instead of the first quote, I'm now stuck with a HEFTY $3300.00 quote (taxes not included!) . AHHHH. At this rate I'm gonna be homeless and eating pizza crusts out of the dumpsters!~ Thanfully we aren't going to be 'broke' because of how we rearranged our finances recently. But still, that's a WACKLOAD of cash I could use elsewhere! ;(

Tuesday Tunes

another 'tunage' post.-- I've got Wednesday Ws, so maybe Tuesday Tunes is a new one too! No worries, I'll still post REAL stuff.

Today's tunes on YouTube:

• LISTEN

SOOO the words of my head sometimes

• SHE'S OUTTA MY LIFE

He's so cute in this one--

• I'M GONNA FIND ANOTHER YOU

(how talented is this guy!?)

• THE LONGEST TIME (because I love this song!)

• Lie Low- by Plumb

(can't find a youtube video of it to post for you other than this one(which is really short and not the whole song), and I'm not computer savvy enough to upload it from my CD)

• NEVER TOO LATE

(weird, random video, but the words I like)