Farewell, My friends

I have started and restarted this post a bagillion times. And I've thought about what I would say and how I'd make this work.

Over a year ago, I started this blog. I was going through an excruciating time in life, trying to figure out where Chris' and my relationship was heading. I was sad. I was drained. I was searching. I was conflicted. And I knew that, in some way or another, the year held many more changes..

I have always loved writing. I love getting my thoughts on paper, and as a mom, finding time to type was easier than sitting down with my paper journal. I didn't think many people would read this blog, as I only told family and my closest friends about the URL (blog address).

Before I knew it, I had people searching for me online. People from all over the world who would comment and follow along in my life. Somehow I brought some people hope. Somehow I brought some people laughter. And somehow I brought people insight.

But I wrote for me. I wrote my story according to what I wanted the world to know. The truth, perhaps only shared in pieces. My cathartic confessional.

I go back to my "FOCUS" for the year. MAKE THE CHANGE. Change is good. I was talking with Em today about being unhappy, and how there are so many things that we all do in life that KEEP us unhappy. Things that we can change if we just get up and do it. Things that maybe we're afraid of, but we KNOW we need to do. Things that may continue to hold us down because that's the only place we choose to be. Being held back because of our laziness. Or our fear. Or our anger towards someone else.

I am making the change. I am grabbing the sharper knife.

452 published posts later, I have now got over 150+ readers DAILY. I have some who visit daily, some who visit weekly, and even some who stalk
visit multiple times a day.

I am not a secretive person. I have no enemies of my choosing, and I have no animosity towards anyone. However, my blog is not 'mine' anymore. I have to watch what I write because of people I know who read. There are exes. There is EF. And I don't want to have to do that in my blog. The angst that this blog started with is no longer in my heart.

The blog now isn't only mine...I am not single. I have Will. We are a package now. And, I have perfect peace in life now. I have a beautiful family. And I have hope like no other! I have never known a love so amazing, and, if I could share even just a morsel with everyone, I would. Divorce is a horrible, hurtful, hard road. I have been so blessed in spite of some of my choices. I do NOT wish an affair, or a divorce on ANYONE. But, if you are one of those fateful unlucky, my empathy and heart and prayers go out to you. Keep doing what makes you YOU, and, I hope, you'll find someone who makes you HAPPY in the near future, as I have been so lucky to find myself.

I was seriously contemplating making this blog private, and just continuing the story from here. But I think that it's better to put ALL my heartache from the past behind me and to leave on a good note. Secondly, I want people to continue to stumble on this blog as some have done, and, hopefully somehow, they'll find a post that may help THEM through a divorce/separation/first-time dating.

So, friends, I am closing this blog. This is my last entry as Debbi from Daisyhalos.

I am, however, opening a new one. A blog with the pitfalls and happinesses of raising 4 bonus-children alongside my own. A blog of a second, BETTER, marriage. A blog where I don't feel like I have to hide certain information from strangers, people from my past, and the general public.

My "followers" will be allowed on the new blog with their email addresses, and family members too. So, friends who I don't have as listed followers (and I know there are quite a few), send me an email to debbirn2b@hotmail DOT com, and I'll put you as an allowed reader. *EDIT* I can't get my follower's emails, blogger's being silly. So, sorry guys, but just send me an email saying "hey" and I'll make sure to get you on the safe list.

Until I meet you on the other blog, friends, I bid Adieu.
In honour of my last Daisyhalos Six Word "Wednesday", I write:


And They Lived Happily Ever After.



***FINAL EDIT*** after a bunch of contemplation, I realized that being a private blog annoys the heck out of me. Besides, I'm really not that interesting! ;) So, the new blog can be found at www.ninepeasinthepod.blogspot.com See you there! :)

Fall has Fell

It's the official first day of Autumn. Which I know, because last night we spent a while on google figuring out if it was actually YESTERDAY or today. And, so we're all aware, no two sites said the same thing. So whatever.

Point being, I'm in my element! Fall-born babies tend to love the fall season the most, and I'm no exception to that rule. I love the smell, the colours, the crisp leaves under foot, the sweaters and cute boots and leggings, and, most of all, the TV line-up every night.

So, yesterday, the last night of summer, I took the kids out to where Will is working on a cabin, about an hour away. We played in the creek and on the tire swing, sang songs in the car as loud as possible, and when it was all over, we went to Waterton to listen to the Elk calls. And, for what anyone cares, listening and watching the Elk like that was seriously AWESOME! Em told me, with a shrug and roll of the eye, that she's done it 'a million times,' and I thought, Holy Crap, kid, if you only KNEW how cool of a life you've lived. Living out here provides some pretty awesome opportunities for kids and adults alike, and, even though I come from a Scouting/Guiding (camping,outdoor,hunting) family, I have NEVER been that close to Elk and listened to the bellows.

Family Home Evening doesn't get much better than this.

Although, I hate to admit.... I committed an unpardonable sin last night. One I SWORE I would NEVER NEVER EVER commit!

Yes, (sadly) that's me.
Ponytailin' (oh the ears!!! Kill me now!),
short-donnin' (yuck.. I hate shorts.)
sweater-wearing (uh, with shorts?!)
CROC-walkin! CROCS!!! What in the name of all that is fashionable am I thinking? I friggen HATE crocs. And, this croc-promoting McSpanky family has totally taken over-- I swore I would NEVER own such hideous shoes. And yesterday, I sunk to the lowest of lows. *moment of silence as the COOL Debbi falls into fashion oblivion*

It's a good thing Will still thought I was cute...he was super cute too, all messy and painty and muddy from drywalling, but he refused to let me take a picture of his cuteness. This is the only one I snagged. Which, if I may say so myself, isn't too bad of a view either. tee hee.

So, on a Tuesday Tune tribute... (man, it's been a while since I shared a tune,)I thought I'd share this one. Found it on Facebook from a bloggy-friend, so, hopefully it's new to some of you. Will doesn't have this problem yet. But huney, just in case you read this, it's all very true.. take notes. :)

*Watch song here!*

Have a great Tuesday! :)

Not Me Monday- Moving

I am NOT still sick. I did NOT, however, take some serious drugs this weekend to get back to my normal amazingly awesome self.

Life is NOT starting to feel back to normal again. I do NOT need a buttload smidgen of routine in order for me to NOT function, and now that the wedding is NOT over and I am NOT settling in to this small-town life, I can NOT finally get it together.

This week, my kids do NOT have 2 days off! I know, school only started 2 weeks ago, and already they have TWO days off... I do NOT remember when I went to school, and did walk up hill both ways, carrying my shoes in my hands with plastic bags on my feet, in the snow, for 50 miles. And, NO, I did NOT have days off every two weeks.

We did NOT have last-minute dinner guests yesterday, and NOPE, I did NOT feed them whilst sitting on rubbermaid buckets around the table. Both of our children did NOT eat in the living room, on the (blue carpeted) floor. That would be just rude, and I would NEVER do that to dinner guests. This was NOT bad enough, but to top it off, I did NOT inwardly freak out, considering it was Will's Ex's extended family, and I did NOT worry about making a good impression. I am NOT pleased to say that they were very nice and friendly, in spite of my dirty house. And, in case you're wondering, I did NOT overcook the asparagus to a nasty utterly delicious green goop. I do NOT hate the craptastic flat-top stove and oven here at the house, and my prissy city-girl inner cook does NOT miss her gas stove from the Calgary house.

I am NOT thankful that my parents brought the kitchen chairs from that house later last night- too late for the dinner guests, but great just the same. I am NOT also excited about bringing ALL of my stuff later this week. I am NOT demanding hosting a cleaning party at my house, for those interested! :) BYOC, BYOTC, BYOLW. -- bring your own chairs. And toilet cleaner. And lysol wipes.

I did NOT buy Hallowe'en candy already. Nope, NOT ME! I do NOT have a weakness for the peanut-butter ones. It is NOT Chocolate Wednesday, and I am so NOT cheating! I have also NOT eaten the box all. by. myself.

This does NOT remind me that X-Weighted is starting up that "where are they now" website. It is NOT a bad idea for me to be eating all that chocolate just before they launch. And, apparently, my episode is NOT airing all week, too.

BUT, on the other side of the fat scale, I did NOT wear "the skirt" to church yesterday. This skirt is one that my mother did NOT wear when she was young-- (bought in 1975), and it is NOT the skinniest article of clothing I have. I did NOT wear it when I was a teen, and it was NOT my goal skirt to fit into when the TV show ended. I did NOT force my fat thighs into that skirt yesterday. I did NOT do a little dance of joy that I got the zipper up. And then, when the day was over, I did NOT do ANOTHER (completely ridiculous) dance to try to get it off. NOPE, NOT ME. I would NEVER nearly pull off my left buttcheek in order to get the thing off! I am NOT >this< close to marathon training again going for a few runs with Will to get back into shape.

Six Word Saturday- Sick

Being newlywed while sick sucks rocks.

(or)

Full of love. Full of snot.

Yep. I'm still sick. This is going on an eternity almost 10 days now. I've tried starving the cold, feeding the cold, sleeping it off, NOT sleeping at all, smothering it with love, NOT loving it, washing copious laundry amounts. Working with Will making out painting at the hotel. Sitting on my lazy butt at home. Working at my Mother-in-law's shop. Walking with Will at night. Paying bills. Shopping. Catching up on emails...
nothing is helping.

A runny nose, a headache, sore muscles... NOT a fun way to be newlywed. I figure, though, if Will can't handle a little bodily fluid as a newlywed, he's missing out on the best part! ;)

9/52

It's the ninth installment of Find Mom Friday. And, I'd just like to say, that I don't think I've been in as many pictures as I have been lately! ;)

So, although these are LAST week's photos, here's a few more candid wedding photos of me being a mom. I missed FMF last week, though, so now I'm a week behind. Oh well. :)

(Taylor and I, after the reception.)

(Bear and I, dancing and having fun!)

(Mimi's kiss after the ceremony when we danced out of the chapel outside)

(Five of the seven kids, watching Mommy come down the aisle)

Doesn't everyone get a blender when they get married?!

It's tricky being a blended family.

It's tricky enough getting married when you're older, because you are already SET in routines and desires and traditions. But, add in some children, a few exes, their families and you have the makings of a new soup for everyone!

Recently, Will and I discussed Christmas traditions. Turns out that MOST of our traditions can be done on BOTH sides. But there's a few 'conflicting' ones, where we'll have to pick to give ours up, keep it, or just make a whole NEW one. For Will and I, traditions can be changed. But when we add children, it's a bit tougher. What's most important to them, and what can change? Santa Claus does different things at different households.. so, what does he do HERE?

We are also figuring out weekends. When does Will's ex have the older kids, when do we? Seeing as how Em lives with us but the others don't, there's more travelling now. Having one ex requires work for scheduling and holidays, but we also have MY ex, Chris. So double the work. When does he have the younger ones? And, if he moves, what happens then? And the travelling ... oh the travelling.

Will's kids eat differently than mine do. Not a LOT differently, but snacks and grazing foods for sure. So, grocery shopping changes. Menu planning revolves slightly around which children are home and when. Dislikes and favourites and habits.

What rules did I have in my home that Will doesn't share?
Given, a lot of these things you find out through dating-- and a lot of them, we did! But, because we didn't LIVE together beforehand, there are some things that you can't know until then.

It's tricky, too, as Will's kids are older than mine so rules are different for some than others. Thankfully Grace and LL are only a year apart, so it bridges the "olders" from the "youngers" much better.

Decorating a home. Planning family vacations. Routines for homework. Songs at family prayer-- there are many things we're learning from each other, and many more to come, I know it.

I look forward to each morning that Will and I grow our OWN family tree. Our OWN fruits, our own traditions.

Although we're two separate families becoming one,.. we are definitely nine great peas in this pod!

(We shelled peas for Gramma, and Will found this one! How appropriate, hey?)

Luna de Miel

Will and I didn't really plan a "honeymoon". With kids just BARELY starting school, and so much work for him to finish, we weren't even sure we would be able to spend even one night away.

THANKFULLY, we have AWESOME family members on both sides, so with a LOT of co-ordinating, we sent seven kids in different directions, and Will and I were able to take a mini-vacation.

My sister, Marci, helped me out of the wedding dress and into my surprise for Will. Now, before you get too curious, I have never been a lingerie-wearing girl. But, Sin shopped with me and we actually found something I knew Will would like that I could handle. So, here I am, my sister and sister-in-law having a permanently engraved image of me in lingerie in their heads. And they didn't even laugh! True sisterly love right there!

Will and I left Calgary REALLY late, after going to dinner with my family at a restaurant that took FOR-E-VER.

(checking the photos at the restaurant while we waited an HOUR for food!)

Given-- it may have seemed a LOT longer to Will and I than it did to the others. Funny how that worked! lol

(I think it was at this point that everyone at the front door SAW those pretty underthings!... I was glad we shut the door quickly to avoid any further embarrassment. For not being a virgin on her wedding night, I sure felt sheepish saying goodbye to everyone anyways!)

We drove an hour and a half to Red Deer, AB. The armpit heart of the midwest, right? ;) Right. Checked into the hotel that Will had booked...
It was AWESOME!!

A beautiful room with a jacuzzi bath. And believe me-- after a day in a corset, spanx and blue stripper shoes, a hot bath spoke entrancing words to me!

While I started my bath, Will also got his "surprise" together. NO, it wasn't this:

althoooooough......... :) kidding.

In fact, it was super cute. He had bought my fave chocolate, complete with fresh strawberries, and bought wine glasses. Then he filled the glasses with my favourite wine.

TOO cute.
(yes, they're wine-gums)

And that's that.
At this time, I would like to officially remove my name from the CBF file. To all those remaining-- my love and deepest sympathies! ;) Dad, stop reading now.
Lemme just say, girlfriends-- I slept really well that night! lol

The next morning, we ran a bunch of little errands (returning tuxes because Monday was a holiday), checking out and in to another hotel, getting lost downtown with all the stupid one-way roads.. regular stuff. Red Deer was where I was born, so I took him out to my old house, where we ate burgers and laid on the hill outside, looking at the sky and watching the kids on the playground.

And then I took Will to see my last family member. With all my siblings able to be at our wedding, there was only one more sibling Will hadn't met.

So, we went to the cemetery, and he 'met' my older brother, Steven, where we left a bouquet of the wedding flowers so he, too, could be part of our day.

(haha, this photo makes me laugh, because Will was all, "uh, am I supposed to smile? Or look sad?" So instead, he looks in pain! lol)

We went to the movies, we ate steak and lobster dinner, we took midday ..uh... naps. It was AWESOME being without kids for a few days, and no responsibilities or worries, and no one phoned us (except the realtor to tell us the house was sold, so we excused that one!;) ) . It was super fun shopping together, dressing each other up in outfits, and just being US.

Although we had to come home and clean houses and get back to the grind, the few days away were wonderful.

Not Me Monday- Married Mayhem

So, I sent Will to work this morning. It was NOT super cute when, after he made the bed, he whined in a little-boy voice about how he'd NOT like to just stay in bed with me all day. I do NOT agree. This honeymoon may look over, but we're definitely not admitting that to ourselves yet!

But, although having him home with me last week was NOT fantastic, I did NOT get WAYYYYYY behind in my housework! Not like I was distracted or anything! ;) I seriously do NOT have a ROOM FULL of laundry to fold today as EVERYTHING in my house was washed last week, twice. I do NOT have a bunch of stuff to put away, and I do NOT have a million thank-yous I want to get written!

I also have NOT failed to mention, in the course of a NOT busy week last week, that my house in Calgary is NOT finally sold as of Tuesday last! DONE! I can not tell you how happy I am NOT! It is NOT a great thing to know that I can finally move my furniture into this house, and NOT make it finally feel like a home. Will and I had NOT wanted to get some renovations done first, but timing is just not there, and being married is busy! ;) VL
The new family does NOT take possession on the first of October, so really, this month is going to be just as busy as last month! Will does NOT have to finish that hotel we worked on together, and a bunch of other smaller jobs, I do NOT have to go back to Calgary to get my van once it's finished, and I do NOT have to start working to make a few ends meet too. I will NOT likely start working for my mother-in-law, which is NOT a nice idea, seeing as how Mimi can NOT come to work with me.

Chris got a job, he told me last night. BUT, it's a job that's not stable for hours or scheduling, so I may have the kids a lot more. On top of that, he may NOT be moving another hour and a half away in the OPPOSITE direction of Calgary because of this, so his weekends will NOT entail a lot of driving. Alas, life goes on, and Chris, Will and I will figure it all out.

If you are NOT sick of wedding pictures, too bad! I do NOT plan on reliving the best day of my life over and over again on this blog! ;)

Six Word Saturday- Newlywed

Three weddings, two baptisms, one funeral.


My favourite part about being married so far (at least, the part I care to share with the world :) ) is falling asleep and waking up each day with Will beside me. Even on our honeymoon, he would wake before me and kiss me. Although I could go back to sleep, I didn't like that I was being woken up.

So, today, I asked him if he wouldn't mind just letting me sleep in without him waking me with a kiss. Not that I don't like his kisses, but because I rarely get to sleep in and I'm fighting a cold.

So he woke up, and while I was sleeping he left the room, unnoticed... just because he knew I wanted that, and because he wanted to make me happy.

I woke up without him there.
And I hated it.

It was NOT what I thought I wanted. And when he came back into the room while I was waking, I batted my pretty eyelashes, and conceded that he was right-- waking with a kiss is WAY better than sleeping in.

Today Will and I attended a funeral. What a week. It sure puts perspective on things when you attend funerals-- What will people say about me when I die? What little stories will they share?

It was a good time for reflection, so Will took me out to a lake nearby where we watched bats, listened to coyotes and counted satellites and shooting stars. We talked about death, about our belief in life after death, about how we want to be buried or where. It is one of those talks that, knowing this is the person you'll die beside, actually brought me comfort. Maybe I'm more comforted because we believe that we aren't DONE after death. In a years time, Will and I will take our families and be sealed together for eternity in an LDS temple.

I'm grateful for that.
I think that knowing that Will's aunt is reunited with her husband today is comforting to her 9 children left behind.

And, so when I sleep the long sleep of death, the day that Will and I meet again in heaven, is yet another day I look forward to waking up with him beside me.

The Start of Something Good

I'm Mrs. McSpanky!!!!

The honeymoon is done, and we're on our way back to 'reality'... being a Mom and a Dad. Being married, fixing an old house, bills and work and being SO COMPLETELY IN LOVE!!!

Monday was a holiday in Canada (Labour Day), and our wedding was simply amazing! I have so much to say and no idea even where to start.

So, this will be a blog of mainly photos, and we'll talk more during the upcoming days. Assuming I'm not too busy snuggling and cuddling with my sexy husband!

My first thought-- SO MANY people helped with this wedding. Doing more than I even KNEW they did. I am so humbled by the amount of work that went into putting everything together. THANKFULLY, I was fairly unaware of the 'issues' the morning of the wedding, as everyone took care of everything for me. So, for those who were part of this wedding-- whether it was as the kitchen people, or as a wedding planner, or an amazing and patient photographer, a cake decorator extraordinaire, and even a date of my brother's who set up the gym and didn't even KNOW me or Will... I want to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart. My day with Will was amazing, and I'm sooo pleased and elated in how everything went.

Something old: The garter was made by my mother with fabric from when I was a little girl.
Something new: the dress
Something borrowed: my sister's makeup
Something blue: the shoes. I LOVE THESE SHOES!

We couldn't find the keys, so I was a tad late for the ceremony to start. But I got to the chapel (thanks Sin) and met my mom and dad there. My father gave me a blessing-- the last one as Debbi Barber, and it was a touching moment. Then he and my mother went into the gym, and the kids filed down the aisle. Will followed them, and trust me, he looked AMAZING!!!!

And then I walked into the chapel to music that Kare had MADE for me. It was a gorgeous song, with my sister playing her violin. They were fantastic. They also played a song I requested for during the signing of the marriage certificate, a song Will loved and didn't know I asked them to play. It was perfect, and I loved his little gasp when he heard them start playing. Tears brimmed his eyes, and it made me smile.

It was a sweet, SHORT ceremony, and then we exited the chapel dancing to music on our way to a wonderful, outdoor reception.Then, the party was over, and Will and I took the kids and got lots of photos with V done. Some really cute shots! I can't wait to see her pictures, I know they're going to be simply AWESOME!!

And Will and I, of course, couldn't leave the chapel with a decorated car-- NOT only because our car is currently rented because the van is in the shop being fixed from our deer incident-- but because that's just not Will and I. No, THIS is Will and I! :)

And, after a wonderful dinner with my family, Will and I took off on our honeymoon.

It all fell into place, and our wedding day was a perfect day of love, colour, happiness and family. I couldn't have asked for anything to be different or better!