Lighten Up

Because husbands sometimes make me laugh, maybe this'll make YOU laugh too:

Dumb Blond Husband
A blond guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his four-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, walks past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
"You rotten jerk," says the husband. "My wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"

Stupidly Beautiful

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

During the Fight
Husband : “When I’m gone, you’ll never find another man like me”.
Wife :” What makes you think I’d want another man like you? '

(This one makes me laugh out loud everytime. ahahahah)

That Stinks

There was once this happily married old couple, well, they were happy apart from one thing, the husband's bad habit of breaking wind every morning. On their 30th wedding anniverary, the wife woke up,as usual, coughing and and gasping for breath.

She then decided that she was so fed up with this that she would get her revenge. So she went downstairs into the kitchen, picked up a big bowl, and filled it with raw liver, mashed potato, gravy, red wine and minced beef. She mixed it all up, went upstairs and dumped the contents of the bowl into the bed next to her husband.

She went downstairs and waited. About an hour later, the wife heard a couple of huge farts reverberate off the floorboards and then she heard a blood-curdling scream.

About an hour later the husband came down the stairs holding the "bloodstained" sheets and pyjamas. He then said 'wife, all these years you've been telling me, but I never did, but now I knew I should have listened.'

'What do you mean?' asked the wife, trying not laugh.

'All these years you've been telling me that one day I'd fart my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them all back in again'