I Need A Nap

I am exhausted.

I'm tired from cleaning. Tired from having my sleep schedule off-kilter. Tired of no routine-- I thrive best on stability and routine and consistency. I'm tired of hoping for a showing to produce something good. Tired of reminding myself not to hope. Tired of having that last 10-minute freak-out of trying to clean while the kids are making an equal amount of work in another area of the house. Tired of being STUCK at home because of car seats.

I'm tired of weeds in the garden. (okay, not really a valid complaint, but while I'm on a roll)

I'm tired of answering the same question with more questions-- "where are you moving to"? I don't know. "When?" I don't know. "Do you have a house already?" I don't know.. (okay, NO, not really, but kinda sorta..hard to explain) "What are you going to do when you move for work, another dayhome?" I don't know.

Tired of Exes. Tired of shaking my head at exes who read the blog EVERY DAY. Tired of money-talks with Chris. Tired from our mediation this morning where I just want to spout obscenities at him and become one of those types of exes, but instead I wear myself out just biting my tongue. Tired of feeling like I have to fix every problem that HE inflicts on my life. Tired of being told that things aren't fair. Tired of not knowing what the next months and years hold in regards to Chris. Tired of hearing about him going back to school. About his lack of employment. About his stress levels....
join the club, bucko.

I'm tired of kids. Some kids are here for almost 12 hours. Some are a LOT of work. Most are good, but the dynamics of 11 kids is tiring. I'm tired of my OWN kids. I am ready for a weekend off (after two weekends WITH the kids to even out the month later). I'm tired of stopping arguments and listening to whining. I'm tired of their disrespect and back-talking recently. I'm tired of being 100% solely responsible for their spirituality. It's exhausting, albeit awesome, to think about activities and scripture stories and such EACH WEEK for FHE and each NIGHT, even when Sin and her family help. In truth, I'm tired of not seeing my friends much lately, either.

I'm tired of the emotional roller coaster on dating after divorce. The fears. The insecurities. The excitement. I'm tired of a long-distance relationship with Will. I'm tired of being without him.

I'm ready for a nap. I can't wait for things, which seem all up in the air right now, to finally come together in the next little while.

And, there's a LOT of good things in my life right now. LOTS. So, this is just a post to say...
I'm tired.