Guess what? I'm not a very secretive person! (yah, whouda thunk!?)
For one- you only have to read this blog to know there isn't MUCH I don't share. Sure, some entries are a bit more cryptic than others, and some don't even get into HALF of the gory details (you can thank me for that, by the way!) but in general, I just don't see the point to being more secretive or private.
I figure some way or other, people are going to find out anyways-- uh, have you MET my family!?! Or the Mormon Grapevine!? And, seeing as how 'the truth shall set you free', what better a policy to adapt into everyday life?
So. Here I am in a new relationship. Gone from being 100% open in my marriage to Chris to DATING. Dun dun duhhhhhhh. In marriage, you SHOULD be open and honest and revealing and vulnerable. But, in dating, there's a whole new "game" I've somehow forgotten about.
The game:
Don't share EVERYTHING. Keep the mystery.
What is with people and wanting that "mystery"? Do all guys want that, or do all girls want that? Did Will and I kinda miss that memo? Cuz, maybe it's a bad thing, but I kinda think there's nothing off-limits with him and I.
Sometimes I tend to lean to the side that maybe that's not a GREAT idea. But I think most of the reasons for being so open are the divorces that we are coming out of and not wanting to have any stone unturned before committing to any other relationship.
I think the "let's keep some mystery" game changes when you're divorced.
Not that I'd play it anyways.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
I Could Probably Share MORE, But Then I'd Have Nothing To Share At The Dinner Table!
at 8:13 AM
Labels: Dating, life a la Debbi, Will
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7 comments:
I don't have any input or experience in the "divorced point of view", but I'm with you anyways on the "keep some mystery" theory being HIGHLY over-rated! The only mystery I've maintained in my marriage is my preference to brush my teeth and do my bodily functions alone in the bathroom! LOL!! (Oh... and he might still wonder how all the various paper products (Kleenex, toilet paper and paper towels) get mysteriously replaced in our home, since he never purchases, nor replaces them once they've run out...)
Other than that, I'm a pretty open book. And I was when we were dating too - I figured if he couldn't handle knowing all about me then, he wouldn't be willing to stick it out later, once he did... For me, the unknown holds more possibility for disaster than the ugly bits of the known.
I doubt this translator, so I write in Spanish as well ..
When you marry, not because women are always the ones shown completely, leaving nothing secret, I think that we have to be as honest in every way in our relationship, but what we do not realize until having past years and when we divorced, they are the ones who never showed as they are, and that conosen all of us, and take advantage of that in the hard times ..... That is why I agree with you, and what I always told my mother, my grandmother, my ex-mother-in-law ...." never say that or anything else you think, feel or do, "pay attention too late for that advice, but I got to be the next ....
Cuando te casas,no se porque siempre las mujeres son las que se muestran completamente, sin dejar nada de secretos,creo que pensamos que tenemos que ser lo mas honestas en todo sentido en nuestra relacion,pero lo que no nos damos cuenta sino hasta haber pasado años o ya cuando nos divorciamos,que son ellos los que nunca se mostraron como son,y que conosen todo de nosotras ,y toman ventaja de eso en los momentos dificiles.....Por eso estoy de acuerdo contigo,y con lo que me dijo siempre mi madre,mi abuela,mi ex-suegra...."nunca hay que decirles o contarles todo lo que pensamos,sentimos o hacemos" ,preste atencion demasiado tarde a ese consejo, pero lo tengo pendiente para la proxima....
Ugh, I remember the whole mystery thing with dating. Question is, is Will playing the mystery game too?
But I agree with you about if you're dating after a divorce, the mystery card should not be played!
Makes total sense to me, your probably friggin scared of choosing the wrong or not perfect person for you and how can you know that if you're not being honest with eachother?
I am horrible at keeping things mysterious. I will tell my life story for a stick of gum...that being said, I have to feel safe to do so. I think of it more as layers of ourselves being revealed as we feel safe and grow. It is something I love about relationships...no matter how long you have been with someone I think you still learn and appreciate new things.
I don't even remember the mystery game... maybe we missed that memo, too? It seems like getting to really know a person and loving them for who they are is what makes a relationship genuine.
for what it's worth - Brent and I never played it either....too much work, we couldn't be bothered. LOL And we never had any surprises after we got married which was nice :)
That being said - I do think it's played much less (or should be) when it's a relationship after a divorce...There are so many more things and situations you are aware of and want to avoid....so much more to consider, that the awareness is necessary.
I love your honesty...the rawness of your blog and it's so fun to read about someone's life who is as open as they get :) What's the point of hiding it anyways?
Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. I think you're doing a fine job!
huh...see i think there is enough mystery in a relationship, why do we need to create more? i say open the baggage and let it all.hang.out. cuz if he aint gonna tolerate your "stains" now... no use keepin him. ;)
that one vote for "open!"
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