Bitter Better

Ever seen Mary Poppins? If you answer no to that, you may no longer call yourself a child of this world!!!!

Well, something in the wind has changed, and my mood changed with it. For a month, I was blessed with a peace and security that I am grateful for. I would be foolish to not acknowledge that it wasn't something from inside me-- it came from friends and family and above. I know I needed it at that time in my life. And now I'm on to a new feeling, a new emotion.

It's slightly angry, mostly sad.

I think the turning point was the 'fight' with Chris in the garage a week and a bit ago. Something after that really affected me. I'm not a fighting person-- at least, not in that capacity. I think I was surprised that I could be that person. It was totally "ME", and I don't regret saying anything I said. But I think I was surprised that it was even inside me to say. But, as if opening the floodgates, now the sadness has found an entrance into my daily mood.
I'm not depressed, but generally just sad. I can't explain WHAT I'm sad about, or what it is that I think about.

My sister agrees that, like a death, there's a grieving process for sure, and this is one of the steps that I NEED to endure in order to get to the other side of the river. And I'm accepting that. I know better than to try to rush each step or avoid it alltogether.
She said something I'm gonna adopt into my way of thinking. She quoted this guy:

Kristopher Swinson

When faced with challenges, we can get bitter or we can get better.

And I really like this quote. Bitter or better. One little vowel changes so much! I've seen so many divorced people who are bitter, and I really don't want to be that person. It's easier to be bitter, but not what I WANT to be. Being bitter is all about "I"... how *I* feel, how *I* am hurting, how *I* can hurt someone else. I don't like those sentences and don't want to be that person either.

So, I'm a bit 'sad'. It'll pass. But so you know- that' the general emotion from this end of the keyboard.

On top of this, I got some sad news this weekend from someone I love dearly. It was a mixture of disappointing and scary and heartbreaking , and I feel stuck with my hands tied behind my back. If I could help, I would, but in this situation, I can only sit here and watch. And I hate that. So my sad thoughts are with my friend too.
***edit: I just got crappy news from yet ANOTHER good friend whom I love dearly. It totally upset me, and I just want to run and protect them. I'm scared and angry and this person knows who they are-- so I wanna say I love you and you know you've got me here on your side forever.

A few pics from the weekend.

Got the deck done! yay