"In Pieces" to "In Peace"

I had a pretty eventful couple of days. Days where I really did a lot of thinking and feeling. Days spent in tears and laughter. Days of some serious conversations.

There's so much to say, and yet no way to say it. No way to talk about everything that I've felt and thought and said. Sometimes sharing it is throwing pearls at swine anyways.

Suffice it to say, I am very much loving the direction my life has turned.

I'm definitely 'done' with Chris. We talked about his recent involvement with other women, and there wasn't a single bad feeling from me. I didn't feel jealous. Or threatened. Or sad. Or. AnYthINg! It was really a good feeling, knowing that I have put away any of that 'old' pain, and I was able to talk with him as his friend. As the mother of his children, and as someone who loves him, but as someone who wasn't IN LOVE with him anymore. I wanted nothing more than to hear that he was finding peace and happiness. That's something I would give him if I could.

It's amazing how God has healed me when I've made the right choices. I remember when Chris left in June, and how I expected to be just a complete basket case. But, with a power from beyond, I was supported and comforted and had peace. Peace that I didn't possibly deserve, and comfort beyond what comfort I would have ever even had the audacity to ask for.

Peace.
It's a word I really, truly, 100% understand so much more in the course of the past year than I ever had before. We know we use the word often, but to actually FEEL peace-- that's something seldom described and likely indescribable.

In this peace, I've also watched God's hands in other ways in my life. Bringing me back to my true self. My bottom roots. Deep down, who I am and who I've always WANTED to be. Going back to goals that I gave up years ago. I went to talk with my Bishop, and in spite of the things I need to fix, I feel peace knowing what lies ahead.

It's gonna be a long road back to that path. A spiritual journey that won't be all daisies and petunias, but there are always beautiful roses among the thorns and rainbows at the end of the thunderstorm. I really want my 'new life' to start now, and to be rid of the pain and issues from my past. But, where's the rush? I'll get there. This is the time to actually DO it. To BE it. To GET and ACHIEVE it.

No matter what your spiritual belief is, finding spirituality and having faith in it is something that never fails to help us grow. I love growth, and Making the Change is exactly what I'm doing now. I'm changing my path. Changing my life. Changing my views. And changing the person I used to be into a person I want to be. It's overwhelming and fulfilling at the same time.

At risk of sounding stupid, I'm excited.