Fragmented Sentences

I should blog.
I should talk about the conversations I've had in the past few days.

The lack of sleep. The tears. the hilarious conversations. everything.
There's just so much to touch on- conversations with people I've never met who can understand so much about my marriage and me. Who help me to see things from a different, yet understandable view.
Conversations with people who make me laugh. or cry. or think.
And lots of conversations with Chris. so many things. so many.
I'm working on not many hours of sleep. Since Thursday, I haven't gone to bed earlier than 3 am!

I could talk about Friday when EF brought her kids over. And I was working on 2 hours of sleep. And I wasn't ready.

I wasn't ready to see her drop off her kids again in my home. I really want to be, but that day, it wasn't happening. She leans in for a hug. And I think that I'm not a 'friend-hugger' on the best of days..and today... today I didn't want to hug her at all!~ I just couldn't wait for her to pick up her kids. Not because of the kids... not at all. But because then I knew she was gone for a month. Like today's holiday, I could hide away for 6 more weeks. I wouldn't have to see her again until March.

I could talk about my date with Chris on Saturday night. How much fun we have when it's just us, out, together. And how, even with that, I still don't feel good to commit 100% to staying with someone who's willing to work on so many things. Maybe I'm the one who can't change my spots?