No More Reruns

When they aired the episode of X-weighted 6 months ago, I talked with a bunch of other participants from previous seasons. They said how much they hated watching their episodes years later, and I thought that was so weird- isn't it FUN to watch yourself on TV?

Yesterday, they reran the episode of mine.

And I got it.
I got how horrible it felt knowing people were once again subjected to my messy house! (haha, okay, actually, that part STILL makes me laugh. Man, Chris was a Flippin' slob on that show! LOL) I got it, how I hated being somehow brought back to that time in my life where I was so fat!!!! I hardly knew how fat I really was, but watching that show reminds me. Thanks for that. Diet starts again this morning!!!!!!
I got it, how it was still annoying to see my words somewhat twisted and put out of order from when I said them and why.
I got it, how rehashing the moments with Fred and the Ugly Cry (oh, HEAVEN HELP ME IN THE UGLY CRY) just makes me mad again. It is NOT a nightie-- it was a project. Ugly or not, I MADE that hideous dress. so pooh pooh on that! lol
But what I HATED the most about watching it again?

Watching it with new eyes. Watching the things I said, and what I didn't know was happening in the background with Chris. Watching me completely love him and kiss him at the end, knowing the whole time that he's thinking, "I'm cheating on her". I hated watching him 'watch' the kids who were EF's. I hated seeing EF's kids because it made me sad and I missed them. I hated having the flood of feelings I felt at the time rush back into my heart for a really pointless reason.

But I loved looking back on things then compared to this time last year. This time last year I was heading for that FRIKKEN FREEZIN' bootcamp in Canmore. It was -22 on the TV, but that's BEFORE the windchill. Running in -40' sucks, so you know! We were frozen for a few hours after that! This time last year I was stressed about a fitness routine that wasn't working, and a SCARY SCARY outfit.

Oh man, if I had only taken a picture on me in that outfit. WAIT A TIC... I think I still have the hideous thing in my basement! Ooooh, I'll take pictures. Just a sec.

Anyways, before I trek into the basement abyss for that outfit-a-sexyness, I'll finish posting.
Yah, watching it was hard.

But really enlightening. Chris and I just sat here and continued to laugh at the messy house part, and laugh at the date that, on TV, was SOOOO brutal-looking with his lame-oh necklace compliment! lol

We both agree that this time last year is not a place we ever want to revisit. It's not fun remembering what we were. We don't like it. I don't like being fat and naive, and he doesn't like being fat and deceitful. It's bittersweet to watch the episode, but I think I'm okay not seeing it again for a while! Maybe except for the messy house part. Or the laughable 'lets-sing-Love-At-Home- in-the-backyard-to-no-one" part! That's always good for a few laughs.