Wishing For Daisy Halos - Insomnia is a Punishment?

So, the Elders came over again. We talked about stuff, mostly about bad stuff that happened before I got married. It was really odd, telling them things and all that. I guess I've tried so hard to put that behind me and forget about it. In fact, I don't really like remembering it in the first place, so bringing it up always sounds weird.

They were asking questions and stuff, about how I knew that Chris was the guy I wanted to marry. Talking about when I was doing things wrong in my life before-- how I felt, what I did about it, what changed anything... Kinda weird stuff like that. I know they were just trying to understand us and everything, and they're AWESOME missionaries, but I hated thinking back about that time in my life.

Which really sucks, because I dream about it all the time. Lame-o as it sounds, I often go to bed imagining what the new house is going to look like, what colours and furniture and yada yada... but when I fall asleep, I end up dreaming about sexual things. Memories of certain people that I don't want to have. And situations that just SUCK! Oddly enough, and I'm sure a load of you will laugh at this, but my mother is almost ALWAYS in my dreams!!! Disturbing.

Funny, too, on the totally opposite side of the fence, I always tend to wish I could "relive" that time in my life. I had fun, for the most part. I had no cares, I had good friends. The soundtrack to my life was as eclectic as Micheal Jackson's headshots. So, on one hand I wish I could go back, but on the other hand I hate remembering things about it.

I know I've been forgiven for things that I did, and I've been through the temple and stuff since, and it's NOT an issue anymore. So why don't I feel peace about it all? Why do I still feel haunted?