Wishing For Daisy Halos - Feeling Fat

So, I've been feeling a lot better about stuff lately. Funny, since i don't know what I was feeling bad about to begin with.

Now, I'm just looking for motivation. One day, Chris and I were talking about what we're physically attracted to. He told me that a bunch of his friends think I'm so wrong for him, because I'm not at all his "type". He told me that he likes really thin... LIKE... Stick thin girls, and tall. Which is fine, I couldn't care less that he likes that, because he loves me for me. And I know that a lot more now, because of the wieght fluctuations I've had during the course of our dating and married life.

I mean, he struggled with it for a while with Elysia, and that was really hard. But he's great now.

Point is, that I'm not that stick thin girl. I never will be-- that's just not my body type. And I won't be tall... obviously that can't change for the better. But I *CAN* lose wieght. And I need to.

I have never liked being fat. I hate it, actually. Which is partially why I hate nursing; because I can't really diet and do a heck of a lot to change my body. Sure, I can exercise, but then I'm starving. Circle of lame-ness.

But i lack the motivation right now, and that's bothering me more than being big. I mean, you can't complain about something if you don't try to change it-- especially if it is something that only YOU can change, you know? So, I want that drive, that desire to wake up early and get to the gym or go for a run or skip seconds or whatever. I hate my weakness lately, but feel no desire to actually get up and change it. I mean, I WANT to change it, but I don't want to do the work.

Pain is a precursor to change. So I need the pain to be bigger or something. I need SOMETHING.