Farewell, My friends

I have started and restarted this post a bagillion times. And I've thought about what I would say and how I'd make this work.

Over a year ago, I started this blog. I was going through an excruciating time in life, trying to figure out where Chris' and my relationship was heading. I was sad. I was drained. I was searching. I was conflicted. And I knew that, in some way or another, the year held many more changes..

I have always loved writing. I love getting my thoughts on paper, and as a mom, finding time to type was easier than sitting down with my paper journal. I didn't think many people would read this blog, as I only told family and my closest friends about the URL (blog address).

Before I knew it, I had people searching for me online. People from all over the world who would comment and follow along in my life. Somehow I brought some people hope. Somehow I brought some people laughter. And somehow I brought people insight.

But I wrote for me. I wrote my story according to what I wanted the world to know. The truth, perhaps only shared in pieces. My cathartic confessional.

I go back to my "FOCUS" for the year. MAKE THE CHANGE. Change is good. I was talking with Em today about being unhappy, and how there are so many things that we all do in life that KEEP us unhappy. Things that we can change if we just get up and do it. Things that maybe we're afraid of, but we KNOW we need to do. Things that may continue to hold us down because that's the only place we choose to be. Being held back because of our laziness. Or our fear. Or our anger towards someone else.

I am making the change. I am grabbing the sharper knife.

452 published posts later, I have now got over 150+ readers DAILY. I have some who visit daily, some who visit weekly, and even some who stalk
visit multiple times a day.

I am not a secretive person. I have no enemies of my choosing, and I have no animosity towards anyone. However, my blog is not 'mine' anymore. I have to watch what I write because of people I know who read. There are exes. There is EF. And I don't want to have to do that in my blog. The angst that this blog started with is no longer in my heart.

The blog now isn't only mine...I am not single. I have Will. We are a package now. And, I have perfect peace in life now. I have a beautiful family. And I have hope like no other! I have never known a love so amazing, and, if I could share even just a morsel with everyone, I would. Divorce is a horrible, hurtful, hard road. I have been so blessed in spite of some of my choices. I do NOT wish an affair, or a divorce on ANYONE. But, if you are one of those fateful unlucky, my empathy and heart and prayers go out to you. Keep doing what makes you YOU, and, I hope, you'll find someone who makes you HAPPY in the near future, as I have been so lucky to find myself.

I was seriously contemplating making this blog private, and just continuing the story from here. But I think that it's better to put ALL my heartache from the past behind me and to leave on a good note. Secondly, I want people to continue to stumble on this blog as some have done, and, hopefully somehow, they'll find a post that may help THEM through a divorce/separation/first-time dating.

So, friends, I am closing this blog. This is my last entry as Debbi from Daisyhalos.

I am, however, opening a new one. A blog with the pitfalls and happinesses of raising 4 bonus-children alongside my own. A blog of a second, BETTER, marriage. A blog where I don't feel like I have to hide certain information from strangers, people from my past, and the general public.

My "followers" will be allowed on the new blog with their email addresses, and family members too. So, friends who I don't have as listed followers (and I know there are quite a few), send me an email to debbirn2b@hotmail DOT com, and I'll put you as an allowed reader. *EDIT* I can't get my follower's emails, blogger's being silly. So, sorry guys, but just send me an email saying "hey" and I'll make sure to get you on the safe list.

Until I meet you on the other blog, friends, I bid Adieu.
In honour of my last Daisyhalos Six Word "Wednesday", I write:


And They Lived Happily Ever After.



***FINAL EDIT*** after a bunch of contemplation, I realized that being a private blog annoys the heck out of me. Besides, I'm really not that interesting! ;) So, the new blog can be found at www.ninepeasinthepod.blogspot.com See you there! :)

Six Word Saturday- Ye Hawwww

I'm Off Stampeding with My Cowboy

For more SWS (Six Word Saturday), click on the button and join Cate!

My sister Kiki and her fiance Ken visited last night. They went to the Calgary Stampede and reported back: Good times. Ricockulous outfits prices. Bad food. Shiny fireworks and flashing women lights, Horrible line-ups, and smelly fat men farm animals. What more could one ask for!?

So, guess where Will and I are excitedly headed for the day!? :D

I Need A Nap

I am exhausted.

I'm tired from cleaning. Tired from having my sleep schedule off-kilter. Tired of no routine-- I thrive best on stability and routine and consistency. I'm tired of hoping for a showing to produce something good. Tired of reminding myself not to hope. Tired of having that last 10-minute freak-out of trying to clean while the kids are making an equal amount of work in another area of the house. Tired of being STUCK at home because of car seats.

I'm tired of weeds in the garden. (okay, not really a valid complaint, but while I'm on a roll)

I'm tired of answering the same question with more questions-- "where are you moving to"? I don't know. "When?" I don't know. "Do you have a house already?" I don't know.. (okay, NO, not really, but kinda sorta..hard to explain) "What are you going to do when you move for work, another dayhome?" I don't know.

Tired of Exes. Tired of shaking my head at exes who read the blog EVERY DAY. Tired of money-talks with Chris. Tired from our mediation this morning where I just want to spout obscenities at him and become one of those types of exes, but instead I wear myself out just biting my tongue. Tired of feeling like I have to fix every problem that HE inflicts on my life. Tired of being told that things aren't fair. Tired of not knowing what the next months and years hold in regards to Chris. Tired of hearing about him going back to school. About his lack of employment. About his stress levels....
join the club, bucko.

I'm tired of kids. Some kids are here for almost 12 hours. Some are a LOT of work. Most are good, but the dynamics of 11 kids is tiring. I'm tired of my OWN kids. I am ready for a weekend off (after two weekends WITH the kids to even out the month later). I'm tired of stopping arguments and listening to whining. I'm tired of their disrespect and back-talking recently. I'm tired of being 100% solely responsible for their spirituality. It's exhausting, albeit awesome, to think about activities and scripture stories and such EACH WEEK for FHE and each NIGHT, even when Sin and her family help. In truth, I'm tired of not seeing my friends much lately, either.

I'm tired of the emotional roller coaster on dating after divorce. The fears. The insecurities. The excitement. I'm tired of a long-distance relationship with Will. I'm tired of being without him.

I'm ready for a nap. I can't wait for things, which seem all up in the air right now, to finally come together in the next little while.

And, there's a LOT of good things in my life right now. LOTS. So, this is just a post to say...
I'm tired.

Even My Underwear Were Wet!

This weekend with Will was awesome, eventful and full... the kind of weekends worth remembering.

You saw Friday night's date of folding lots and LOTS of laundry. We watched "The Power Of One", which is one of my all-time favourite movies and definitely worth watching if you haven't seen it!Saturday morning we attended a Stampede Breakfast at our new chapel down the street, put on by our community association. During the breakfast, our realtor held an open house, so we were 'out' for the day. Thankfully, there was a fair amount of traffic that went through the house. Good feedback, in general.

The breakfast, much to my shock, was PACKED! I had no idea THAT many people lived around here.... it was a good hour-long wait in line to be served. Good thing we had no where else to be.

Then we ran a few errands, and then Will and I decided to go car shopping. So we spent a few hours checking out 9-passenger vehicles. Which, in case you were wondering, aren't easy to come across. Unless you wanna van like this, which, (Terri, I love you, but) I simply can't do!!!

After a drive to Peter's Drive-In (mmmmm), we stopped back at the house for late afternoon naps. I fed the kids some supper, and Will and I 'dressed up' to go on a real-live date! So, I took him to Open Sesame, introduced to me by Becka and Lena! Thanks sexy babes!

Surprisingly, we got a table right away, seeing as it was dinner-rush hour and stampede week. For those of you who aren't familiar with the Calgary Stampede, it's the 'greatest western outdoor show on earth', and there's millions of people in the city all dressed up like this. And no one finds it odd. True story. That's the beauty of Stampede. But it's a pain because everywhere is filled to the brim with Yahoo'ers and Pardners and scantily-clad Save-a-horse type of girls.

I digress.

So there we are, eating at Open Sesame. It's got a Mongolian-grill type of menu option, so Will and I filled our bowls with our stir-fry veggies and set them down at the grill to return to our ordered drinks. I had clamato juice, Will had lemonade. (and you wonder why this matters?)

I picked up my cup to bring the straw to my lips, and suddenly, I am DRENCHED.

DRENCHED. In clamato juice.


Shocked, I look at my cup, still in my hands. The bottom of the cup, however, was NOT in my hands. It was still on the table! Literally, it's as though someone took the bottom right off with a glass-cutter.

The server was shocked. Will was shocked. I was SOAKED. The server suggests she'll find me another drink...

uh....
no.
Thanks anyways, but I think we'll take that dinner to go!

So, they comp'ed our dinner, and gave us a voucher for dry cleaning of BOTH of our outfits, as Will also got a bit on his clothes.

Red. Tomato. Juice. ALLLLL OVER ME!!!

front view... not too bad, right?

"Rear" view- I look like I wet my pants! Click for full effect! LOL!

We headed BACK home, changed, and headed back out. But this time we went to watch the sun go down, and ate in the van, laughing about the events of the night.

After 'dinner', I took him out dancing, and we were back to take the babysitter home by midnight. We're so old! :)

Today was the dedication of our new chapel.
It was AWESOME to walk to church this morning, it was awesome to see some friends from other wards, it was REALLY awesome that Sin saved us a pew in the chapel and NOT on the metal chairs in the gym, and it was awesome to sit with Will beside me. It was NOT awesome to get a migraine before the opening song was even over. The building is pretty, and I am grateful to have the privilege to attend there each week, albeit not for much longer. *cue house sell NOW*

It has been a wonderful weekend full of memories, laughs and intimate cuddles with my man whom I love to pieces.

This weekend
I. Feel. Truly. Blessed.

Canada Day

Kay, guys, You KNOW I love you and all. Because I should *COULD* be napping, but I'm updating everyone on the holiday yesterday instead. Yep. Because I love you. And because my eyeballs are too sunburnt to shut and my muscles are too sore to lay on.

Yesterday started WAY early, as I woke up Will and Bigguy along with my kids, and we drove down to Raymond for a Canada Day Parade first thing in the morning. We ran into quite a few people Will knows (small-town living-- everyone is related to everyone) and in fact, I ran into a few of MY family members too. My parents and Uncle Kannie joined up at our spot outside Will's sister's house, and we sat and watched the kids get attacked by candy-throwing participants the parade.We met up with Will's ex, who then dropped off the other kids. Armed with ARMLOADS and cheek-fulls of candy, the 9 of us then drove to a huge reservoir where some more of Will's family was meeting.

When they say those folding camp-chairs only hold 200 lbs, WHAT do THEY know?!

It was a SUPER good time. Potluck-ish lunch, sunshine, boating and tubing, and playing. Again, at Will's VERY DISTANT family reunion thingy, we also met up with a few of my quite distant family members. AND I MEAN DISTANT, so No, I'm not kissing my cousin. :)After we were all fairly pooped (don't start me on how literal I'm being on that one! ew.) we drove to Will's home town where they had a "Party In The Park" with native dancing and music and food and bouncers and such. And more candy.

Dancing the Macarena- some dances never die. LOL

A few hours and a couple more meltdowns from VERY tired children later, we sat on the big hill and watched Fireworks until about 11:30 pm.

The Girls of the Day. LL, Grace, Em, Mimi and I

Then, we squished 9 of us into my 7-seater van and drove the 1/2 hour back to Will's Ex's home to drop of the kids.

And then, it was 2 hours back to MY home ..where we arrived around 3...so that I could work at 6:30 this morning.

But, as you see, we had a GREAT day and enjoyed each other's company immensely. And, in spite of this picture, I think we came out not TOO horribly scarred from the candy overdose! Clockwise from top middle: Will, LL, Grace, Taylor, Me, Em, Bigguy, Mimi and Bear in the middle

Not Me Monday- Catch Up

So, I am NOT playing catch-up on all your blogs this week. Last week, I swear, I was a hermit. Totally secluded in my basement, or surrounded by paint cans, I felt sooo out of the loop regarding facebook and blogging and *gasp* even talking on the phone with my sistas, whom I usually talk to fairly often. I am NOT looking forward to a 'regular' week.

I am NOT happy the painting is done and looking FANTASTIC. It was NOT cute to watch Will in his element, and I did NOT learn anything about how to paint properly. Last time my house was painted, the people who 'helped' paint also did NOT manage to paint the carpet!!! I was super happy about that. So, when Will's employee spilled a tray of paint on my carpet again this past week, it was NOT nice that I knew Will could get it out no problem. Which he did. Which is NOT awesome. It was also NOT cute when Will taught Bear to paint too!
The kids' school did NOT have a stampede breakfast on Friday morning, where Will joined me and the kids (and his sister and her kids, since they also attend that school) and we did NOT enjoy a short break from the WORK back at my house. Will did NOT attract all the cute girls! ;)I did NOT have a good time spending Saturday morning with some of my favourite girlfriends at a baby shower. I also did NOT enjoy walking through the mall after with Sin. We also did NOT enjoy the fact that we are the same size and weight, so only ONE of us has to go into the change room! Everyone needs a friend like that. It does NOT double my closet/shoe accessibility.

I then did NOT drive out to be with Will and his children. I did NOT have a great 24 hours with them. I did NOT play cards with the kids while Will taught one to drive, and did NOT have a nice talk with his mother. We did NOT all cuddle and watch a movie, and I did NOT fall asleep in Will's arms. I did NOT enjoy singing with his father, too, and did NOT enjoy watching some old home-movies of the kids when they were babies. They were NOT cute! It was NOT hard to watch Will's taping of his ex-wife, seeing through the camera how much he loved her and not feeling the pain of that myself. Not because I was threatened, but because I did NOT feel sorry that their marriage didn't work, although it worked out in my favour in the end-- divorce sucks, no matter what. It may not make sense to others, but it was sad. Even though it's good for me! In spite of that sadness, I am NOT thankful for the rain in our lives that has made us who we are.
Yesterday was NOT Father's Day, and I loved being with such a great father. Will's children are a complete joy, and as their Dad, he has done something right. It makes me happy to have him around my kids, knowing that his influence will only be a positive one. I am NOT truly blessed to be surrounded by many great Fathers.

This is Why I Love Him

Will was in one room painting, and I was in another, behind the closed door. Stuck in that room, trying to get off the stupid stickers my daughter plastered behind there, I see this slide under the door I've barricaded myself behind:

(like my paint-edit? It said his real name, but "Always Will" is so cute in and of itself! :) )

How can I not love this man?

Why Love is Indescribable

Saying that you love someone romantically for the first time is never a small deal.

• Maybe you shouldn't love them? Perchance you feel it's too early to love them. Likely, you've said it one too many times when you didn't mean it, and you worry about doing that again. But, when you really discover that you love someone, you probably knew it a while before. You DID love them even then, but admitting it out loud to ANYONE just wasn't 'safe'. Even to yourself. You tried to convince yourself that you didn't... but you knew better.

Saying that you love someone romantically for the first time, after being divorced is one hundred times MORE never a small deal.

• You're hurt. You're scared that THIS love will be as fleeting, perhaps, as the love you said goodbye to with the bang of the judge's gavel. You worry that maybe you can't love ever as much as the last time. That your broken heart is too flawed to love again. That your judgement didn't exactly work out in your favour last time, so why trust it now?

Hearing for the first time that you are loved is scary and ethereal and euphoric and terrifying. Hearing for the first time that you are loved, after divorcing, is one hundred times MORE scary than anything else. Shocking. Exciting. Engulfing . Validating.

****************

We knew we loved each other before it was said on either side. Just something you could just.. know. It. just. was. And that made it beautiful. And scary. SO scary. It was too early, it was intimidating-- "what if I love them, and they don't love me back? How can I handle that AGAIN after my last love died so similarly?!"

I remember sitting on the couch, cuddling with kids, and I felt perfect. Felt like I was where I needed to be, right at that moment. Soooo many times before that, I had wanted to tell him I loved him. I'd open my mouth, yet, stopped myself; I didn't say it. It wasn't the right time, and although I was sure I knew I did love him, I didn't want to say it then.

A few days passed, and we were in a phone conversation, where we were kinda discussing how we weren't allowed to say that we loved each other because we were worried about the timing of it all. Frustrated, Will decided to call it a night.

Will: Well, it's getting late and I'm tired.
Me: Yah, me too.
Will: Okay. Well, goodnight then. And just so you know, I do love you. OkayIgottago,goodnight!

*pause*
Me: uh. WHAT?! *smiles, butterflies and shock take over.*
Will: Yah. uh. Talk to you tomorrow, kay?
Me: *giggles* okay. Goodnight.

I smiled all night. He loved me. I knew he did, but saying it was different. And hearing it was rapturous.

Another day, a few weeks later. Another phone conversation.

Will: *finishing a conversation about something totally banal, when I cut him off:*
Me: I love you.
Will: *pause* Just like that, eh?
Me: Yah. Just like that!
*pause*- I start kinda worrying that I've wierded him out.

Will: Well, it's about freaking time!!! *laugh*


I hung up the phone that night, expecting to regret saying it. But instead, I just wanted to shout it from the rooftops. Only one other time in my life had saying "I love you" for the first time ever made it into my memory. And I had said it more than twice, believe me. This, though, this was... perfect. It was awesome and sensational and if it culminates me ever falling in love again (here's hoping I don't have to) I'm happy knowing that it could be this incredible.

Perfect, Except For That Last Part

mmmmmm.

I am in just *bliss* right now.

Being done with everything marital on both our sides, Will and I can FINALLY feel like a new chapter is ALLOWED to begin. So, we're planning our wedding for September 11th, seeing as someone told us that was a day we needed to look forward to!

*he he, hey, if the shoe fits. Thanks for the idea.*

We decided to skip the painting and cleaning. Instead, we played and loved. Although we woke up to THIS, so my original plans to go hiking had to be altered a bit... no outside stuff.

We went to the pet store, something both our kids love doing, so it was an easy family-date to decide on. Of course, the incessant 'mommy, can we get one' got on my nerves, but watching Grace and LL try to connive their way into sharing ownership of a glorified "Mighty", hamster (read: Nasty Mouse-wannabe) was fairly entertaining! Those two are sometimes just peas in a pod.

There's nothing like having 9 people file out of ONE vehicle, ESPECIALLY when there's two parents and a bunch of blond mini-mes. We always raise a few eyebrows. We overtook that already crowded pet store for a good two hours. I even made friends. Anyone want to donate only $1288 to my 'let-my-friend-come-home-with-me' fund?! ;)

(my "friend" looked JUST like this)

We bought a few movies. Shopped for some 'make it fast' dinner, and had a YUMMY supper together. I LOVE having my table full. It's a huge table, but with our clan, there's not ONE extra spot. It's perfect.

A bit of bunny-chasing for 4 of them. They attempted to catch one of the stupid rabbits that are ALWAYS in my yard, and, surprisingly, they almost did. I gave Will permission to kill anything he could catch. Stupid bunnies. Even my NEIGHBOURS were cheering them on! (proof it's not just me that has a hate-on for these bunnies)

Dessert, and bedtime for the monkeys-a-la-ME. Settled the older monkeys-a-la-Will in for the movie and bed.

Then, Will and I went out to CELEBRATE.
It was a perfect, cloudless night, and the moon was full.

So we parked.
Yep. Like I was 17 again.
Went out to a new area of town, where there's only a handful of houses already built, and I drove Will's truck to the end of an unfinished street, turned the truck to look at the moon, and we sat in that truck for HOURS!

In fact, just to make it 'authentic' parking, the police pulled up to us. Shined a light into the cab for a good 5 minutes. Which is when they probably noticed that we were FACING each other, on opposite sides of the truck, making wedding plans talking. The cop walked up to me (in the driver's side) and when I opened the window, the cop just laughed, and noticed we weren't teenagers, and said, "oh! Just checking. We've had a bit of break-ins around here." (don't start me on my dirty-thinking around THAT one! lol) They suggested we move elsewhere. I SOOO felt 17 again! Although, this time I was clothed I was in the driver's seat, being good.

The rest of the night was spent cuddling and laughing while listening to CBC radio, which, if you didn't know, has QUITE mind-numbing, strange entertaining poetry readings. "You are NOT paying attention!" And, yes, it was spent un-gramma-fying us. (Fade to Black, that's all I'm writing! ;) )

Sunday is always my FAVOURITE part of being with Will. This is probably because having someone sit beside me in church isn't something I take for granted. Having someone beside me who would take the sacrament. Holding hands during a prayer I know he's listening to. Someone who'll sing along to the church movie in the van on the way there. Someone who's inspired to tell his children things, advises his children lovingly, and then finds out that the entire Sacrament meeting is about that exact same thing. Someone who's in tune enough to recognize that prompting, and knows where it comes from. Someone who'll read scriptures with me. Who will discuss what we learned *sitting side-by-side* in Sunday School. Someone my bishop knows. Someone half of my WARD knows! :) Someone who wants to be there just as much as I do. And wants to sit beside me forever. "Do you think, when we're married in three months, that you'll sit beside me for the rest of our lives, just like this?" *inner giggle "yes dear." Yep, he wants me! :D

We went home, where I had made a big, early dinner. (roast, mashed potatoes, gravy, broccoli, cheese sauce, spinach salad, corn, buns) It smelt so good, we could smell it OUTSIDE of the house when we drove up! With soon-to-be family Sin and Vegan, Babbling Brook and Taylor, we filled that kitchen table PAST capacity, and that small roast went PERFECTLY with everything else. SOOO yummy.

A nap later. A cuddle with the kids. A stolen kiss (or twenty) from Will in the pantry.

And then they had to leave. :(

Hugs all around.
I hate that part. But the smell of Will on his shirt beside me while I sleep usually ties me over for the week.

Until Friday, and *bliss* starts all over again.

oh, and yah, the wedding part. Uh, it's a joke, sillies.

Six Word Saturday-Whoa

What else could possibly happen next?!



Remember yesterday's post? Remember how it was Divorce Day for Will? Remember how, in the comment section, Sarah was sure there'd be no problems? Remember how everyone said they'd be celebrating in their own ways?

Yah.
Divorce didn't go through.

Why am I not surprised.


Another 90 days (september 11th). That is, if Sarah does the filing in Washington. I'm looking into how to help Will file here in Canada, maybe it'll work out better. There's ways.

Finding the silver lining. WHY is every decision being made FOR me lately!? grrr. Needless to say, the celebrations and "un-gramma-fying" me are on hold.

What a week! I'm soooo ready and deserving to sit here with Will and our seven kids, and enjoy my Saturday. Oh, wait. I'm moving. So we're not gonna 'sit'. We're going to paint and clean. Nothing like that kind of fun on your weekend, hey!? ;)

Join Cate (and her button above) while she punches a few people in the face, and start your own Six Word Saturday. You'll like it!

Sincerely yours,
GRAMMA! >:(




PS: just kidding.

I wrote the above portion of this post yesterday afternoon.

Then Sarah posted an entry on her blog, saying she was finally divorced.
So, she's either lying on the blog to the entire world, or lying to Will. Either way, she's lying. This is on top of the fraudulent charges to Will's credit card in the past month or two, which we're pressing charges about. Sarah, I don't deal with that kind of (im)maturity. Go away.

Will is officially divorced. Sarah, for some unknown reason, decided to play some stupid game and texted Will saying that the divorce didn't go through, which is when I wrote the part above. Will was, understandably, upset. So I called Sarah, to find out what happened. She didn't answer, so I left a message. Instead, she texted Will back to say that she got the message but wasn't 'in the mood to talk right now'. Understandably to me, and according to what she wrote in my comments yesterday, she was probably upset too.

When I called my lawyer to see if the divorce in Canada would be faster, he said that there was something 'fishy' about her reasons she gave. (Will being Canadian, and her being from the USA-- yah, cuz that's something the judge has NEVER seen happen before???) You see, my lawyer knows USA law, because he got his education from a USA school. Told me to call the courthouse personally.

I call the courthouse, and jump through the phone-hoops to get to the clerk. When I give her the case number and Sarah's name, she confirmed I had the right information and asked what I wanted.

We're just trying to figure out why the case wasn't upheld. Unfortunately, I can't get a hold of Sarah to get answers directly from her. She says she's too upset to talk right now. Why didn't it go through?

Why didn't the divorce go through? Um, Let me go talk to the clerk who was in the courtroom for that case.
*****pause, on hold****
The case was approved. The divorce is final.

HUH!? He's divorced?

Yes. I don't know why she said that, but the case is done.

Are you sure? it's final final?? Like, is there a waiting period? In Canada, there's still a 31 day holding period after the judge signs.

Nope. They're done. It's over. In a few days he can go online and get the documents himself.

For sure? They're divorced?!?!

*laughs* yes. DONE. He can go online in a few days and he'll see his copy of the papers. Normally she would be in charge of sending those papers to him herself, but I take it because of what she told you, she probably won't do that.

No, I'd think not.

Is this normal behaviour for her?

Uh... well... trying to be nice here, but they ARE getting divorced for a reason.

HAHA, yah, I guess so! Oh, well, congratulations. If you have further questions, just call again.

THANK YOU!!!



????? Is it just me, or does this confuse people? Sarah, if you wonder why you're 29 years old and divorced now for the FOURTH time?!?!? yah. See above.




.

Free Willy

WILL IS DIVORCED!!!!

As of 1:30 p.m. today, the judge should be signing the papers and it's finished.


I'm not quite sure how that works, seeing as the USA does it different than Canada.

Washington (where the divorce is getting granted) state has a no-fault clause, so the divorce is a simple "apply, wait 90 days, be done" kinda thing... At least, that's what we gathered from reading the forms and websites the other day. He doesn't have to go to the courthouse, so, this is all assuming that his ex (who filed the papers) didn't accidentally miss something in the forms (not likely, she's also done this before) and that she shows up at the judgement. Again, not sure what happens if she doesn't... but whatever. We'll worry about that if we come to it (cuz I think having more to worry about will be FUN!).

But, as far as we know,
Today is the day. He and his kids might be heading here tonight for a celebration of sorts. ;) Or, you know, a cuddle and a movie on my couch. Potatoe potahtoe. I'll be sure to try to post a few pictures.

And you know that 'gramma' thing? Yah. That was only to be good while he was married! He'd better take the evening off... if you knowwhatImean! ;)

And...discuss.

There's a delicate balance I need to figure out, so I'm opening up the floor to you wiser peoples for your opinions.

How much of your OLD relationship do you bring into a new one?

• How much is inevitable? Do bad habits ALWAYS stay, no matter how hard you try? If you're bound and determined to change them, don't you kinda always have to have them on your mind? And are some things just impossible, as hard as you try, to change about yourself? Engrained into your soul, part of you? How much SHOULD you bring in?
  

How much does the NEW person need to know?

• Like, do you start AGAIN, clean slate, and it doesn't matter what happened in the past? Or what others thought. Or what happened before you came along? What was said? What went wrong? What was done? Do you need to know their previous story about their past relationship to know if you can handle that in the future? Do you need BOTH sides of the story?
  

Are you better off knowing? or is ignorance really bliss? Does ones past always foretell the future?




*it's Wednesday. Don't forget word verification!!!*

Selllll- ibate Good Times, Cummon!

The most common sentence I've heard in the past few days is, I don't know how you do it.

Unfortunately, we're NOT doing it! lol

So.
Being LDS there's a few things that differ from part of the "regular" world.

One.
Premarital sex.

(okay, smartalec, do NOT do the math on LL's birthday and my wedding to Chris. I didn't say I FOLLOWED all the rules ALL the time.)

In the past few days, people have talked a lot to me about a few certain topics. One- moving to Will's town. And Two- having Will move into 'mine'. (he he he)

Anytime someone finds out that we're NOT sleeping together, most of the reactions are the same... jaws drop, there's a slight gasp, and then, ...

laughter.


Yah yah. Laugh it up you all. Har har, Debbi and Will are currently celibate.

But, might I just remind you of THIS post?
And, if you check out the comment, TechMonkey said, "Wait until it's three MONTHS!". yah. We're passed three months now. Will is even longer. (he he heh, I have such a childish mind!!)

This, sadly to say, is the longest I've dated someone since..uh..deflowering my ..uh... flower without it. Will's too. And it sucks. And it's hard! (and here I am, still giggling.. I'm an idiot.)

Another divorcing LDS friend of mine was talking to me yesterday, and we dubbed ourselves the "celibate BFFs". Having a CBFF is a good thing to have in, well, QUITE desperate times! She and I were talking about how tough it is to not be gettin' any, but then I had the unfortunate pleasure of assuring her that not getting any is hard for a regular person. But not getting any when you have the ABILITY to get some--

lemme just say.
This is a road untravelled, my friends. My own Golgotha!! lol

Ex-tra Tough.

Chris's Ex:

• sometimes has a hard time defining for herself what her role is in his new life. Friend? Confidante? Sounding board? This is only efficient when the issue of conversation doesn't revolve around how much he hates having an ex. Or being divorced. Because, when that type of stuff emerges from his mouth, oddly enough, his Ex doesn't really want to hear it. And seldom cares.
• Doesn't miss him. Doesn't want him back. Worries that maybe she should have shed a tear or two this weekend when she knew her divorce was 100% finished, but honestly doesn't feel even the slightest bit remorseful or lugubrious.
  
• Is thankful for that.
  
• has a few scars still needing to heal from completely, mostly centred around trust and fidelity and body-image. A bit of 'baggage' she's still sorting through and getting ready to 'check' at the nearest baggage-claim. However, she's doing a pretty good job, if she says so herself. And is thankful for a boyfriend who understands.
• found it interesting that Chris felt threatened by her new boyfriend's interactions with their daughter. Not because he's worried about Will or who he is, but because he's worried that his bond with LL will be severed if LL's bond with Will increases. He feels like he's losing his 'job' as Dad. His Ex tried to remind him that the goal is (and always has been) to remember that they're not 'breaking up LL's family', they're just adding more people to it. That more people who love her is only a good thing for everyone. Chris knows this, but his insecurities got the better of him.
• found it more interesting that his next comment centred around her possibly moving away. And that she would never understand how that thought could and currently DOES hurt him. She reminded him that she DOES try to understand, (with her boyfriend's help,) and she's working on easing that pain in him with further sympathies. And had to state the obvious-- that he knew she wouldn't stay in this house forever. And would/could move away for school.
  
• then had to tell Chris that he's confiding in the wrong person. And felt mean for saying it, but reminded him that that's the nature of the divorce. Sometimes it sucks. And he was lucky he and she had such a great relationship, because he knows darn well that his Ex could be a bag about everything and he'd see his kids MUCH less than he does. But asked him to talk to his current girlfriend about such insecurities, because his Ex really can't help him fix his issues in any way. And, in this instance, doesn't really want to.
• is a lot mad that he lost her garage door opener somewhere on the road when he came to the house this weekend (while she was with her boyfriend) to pick up his motorcycle. He put the garage door opener in his backpack, and lost it. His Ex feels a bit insecure in her own home now-- and knows it's not likely that her safety is at risk, but still doesn't appreciate the feeling that it COULD be. When she complained to him about that feeling (in her slightly angry tone) he told her to call a repair guy and get quotes and find out how much it will cost to change the code and get another opener and set up the appointment and he'll pay the bill. She is more annoyed that she has to do the 'hard' work with all the phoning. :(

Will's Girlfriend:

• is learning that dating someone with an Ex is tough. It's not like before, when her previous boyfriends had Exes that didn't 'stick around' once they started dating. No, these post-marital Exes have a need (and a right) to be around all. the. time. Being an Ex herself, she also remembers that there are children involved who need stability and both parents. She only has a hard time with TWO Exes. Sometimes she has moments of anger or bitterness, moreso with regards to the Exes of Will's than her OWN Ex who hurt her so badly! Dating someone with prominent Exes isn't easy. Even though she encourages him to embrace his feelings for them, still sometimes feels like she's trying to fill shoes she can't quite officiate.
• doesn't like feeling inadequate.
• was probably asked 10 times in the past week if she would or was planning to move to his hometown. And had a realtor try to 'sell her' a home when she was there this weekend. She did entertain the thought, seeing as how much she hates not being near Will. Isn't opposed to the idea, and in fact believes that someday she WILL end up further south, but she knows the timing isn't right just yet. And yesterday she looked at houses on MLS in his area... but she's not so sure that small-town living is what she wants. Beside that, she's DEFINITELY not sure that small-MORMON-town living is what she can HANDLE! Trust her, there's a whole other subculture in that town with it's own set of 'rules' and expectations. It's a bit nuts!
• kinda hopes that Will will move to HER city someday, but also DOESN'T want that because he's got a good job and clientele where he is currently living and would feel kinda bad for making him uproot all his security there just to be near her. And would worry that, if he were around more, he'd see more of her pathetic life and run in the opposite direction as fast as his hot legs could take him! ;)
• (speaking of running) LOVE LOVE LOVED going for a 5 mile run with him the other day in and around his town. Loved that he didn't get annoyed with her being so slow. Loved the thought of doing that each night together if they lived in the same area.
• Did NOT love when he ran behind her just so he could watch her butt. Ew.
  
• DID love that he loved watching her butt.

(You know he truly loves her butt when he thinks THIS would make a good picture! lol)

• Totally loved when he couldn't catch up to her at the end 'sprint' around the temple.
  
• Is thankful for her mother's Cross Country training! ;)
• Still thinks he's pretty awesome.

Weekend Wecap

(don't know if you can see, but it says Debbi *heart* Will. Will's daughter did a different one, which was way cuter, but I realized it used his real name. So we made this one just for you bloggers! Don't say I never give you anything!)

This weekend had a few interesting lessons within its pages. I'll touch on a few this week, if I find the time and motivation to write about them.

I spent the weekend again with Will. He had his children too, so the *9* of us spent lots of time laughing and playing and enjoying each other.Saturday morning, my sister and I took our kids to her Bishop's house where they were having "Breakfast With Bishop". Complete with jammies (who wouldn't want to see their bishop in jammies?!) and breakfast and scripture study. It was a great turnout, and I spent the time helping with the bookmark craft. It was a great idea, and a good time, and who doesn't love a 'free' breakfast!?

Right after that, there was a free 'clinic' at the Firehall.



My sister and I met up with Will and his family, and the *19* of us practically overtook the whole place! There were draws for lots of free things, and let me just say, that when there's 19 people from 3 families, it's hard not to clean up on the prizes! ;)

They had a blood-typing station, and a hamburger/hot dog BBQ, and a carseat test to ensure proper installation. Which, might I just say, I passed!

(doesn't "Em" look super impressed? lol)

Then, Will and I took our blended brood to the park.




We played, went for a walk, spat loogies over the side of the bridge (by the way, that's SO a guy fascination! lol) and just in general had a relaxing afternoon together.

Sunday was wonderful. Went to church, home to his parents' house for a great lunch, and cuddled with the kids and Will.

Going home is always tough- I enjoy being with Will so much and watching him and his children interact with mine in such a heartwarming way.
I always look forward to the next time.