8/52 and with the amount of driving I've been doing, it's a miracle this has only JUST happened once.

*graphic content and photos-- fair warning*

Find Mom Friday features last weekend's antics.

Yay that Will and I took his kids last weekend to the lake with Sin and Vegan and her family. We had a great time, about an hour away from our home.

Yay that there was fishing. Lots and lots of fishing!

Triple Yay that there was some AWESOME tubing. Yay that Sin and I went and we laughed our butts off so much, but nay that our stomachs hurt after! It was soooo fun! Nay that I haven't been tubing like that since I was young and I missed it!

And at the end of the day, we started the drive home.

Everything was great (yay), until a big doe ran across the highway (nay). We swerved to go behind her, and yay for her, she got across the road. But her little Bambi ran out right after her...big nay. At that point, we tried to swerve the OTHER way to avoid Bambi, but it didn't go so well.

BIG NAY: Bambi hit the front of my van with a huge *THUD*. Legs starfished, deer spun around in front of our screeching van, and before we knew it, we realized what had happened. Pulling over, we assessed the van damage. LUCKY for us (yayish), although we were travelling at 110kms/hour and the deer hit the front of the van pretty squarely, no airbags went off and no one was hurt. Yay.

Nay that I found out later that it was SUPER close to being much worse, as Bambi hit the van so hard that it moved the hood fairly severely back, and, another few millimetres and the hood would have flown up. Um. That woulda been a super big nay!

Yay that Kay was clever enough to look at the time on her cellphone. Yay that it was kinda freaky that it was EXACTLY 9:11 pm. Okay, how weird is that?!?!

So, Yay that Will kindly moved the body off the highway, and we all paid our respects to the little lad. Nay that I had to file a police report and everything, but yay that it was just a little deer and not worse!

And is it a yay, or a nay, that I've become SUCH a blogger that the first thing I think is "grab a camera!"???

The Night It All Began

I had bought crabs for dinner. You know: those live things that have yucky eyes that bulge out at you and pinchie fingerie thingies. And, apparently, they needed to be killed humanely before they died a slow death in the plastic bag the Stupidstore lady put them in. Sheesh. SO not my idea!But, Chris wasn't around. And I had to kill them myself. And it was getting late. Time was running out!!!!

Uh. This is not a fish. I can kill and clean fish. This was a crab. Still alive. Blowing bubbles out it's mouth while it suffocates slowly in the bag. This was a cranky crab. ("crabby" crab just seemed too easy) Ready to kill me and my sleeping children. With all his crabby friends. The Crab Mafia!

So, I did what a regular person does. I cried.

And then, in laughable tears at myself, I called my girl. My girl who is more afraid of killing crabs than *I* am. But I knew that, if she at least came over, she'd cheer me on through the tears, and the laughter would make the horrid experience worth it.

So, Sin tells me that her brother is at her house for the night, and he can come over to help.

uh, okay. Whatever makes me NOT have to kill them. Bring over PETA, for all I care! Really, party at my house. Watch Debbi cry. Kill some crabs. Good times.

This is "hot-brother-Roll-On-Floor-Laughing" from the ONE picture on Facebook I had ever seen of him. And believe you me, according to what *I* saw, he was NOT 'hot'. Sin had told me a million times how hot he was, (in a not-creepy-for-your-sister-to-say type of way), but frankly, these pictures were NOT verifying her statement. See?

And then they arrived at my door.

Seriously, you could feel it. Where "it" equals "chemistry".

He WAS hot brother. He was fun, and we started talking and joking just like we knew each other for years. Which was weird, cuz I didn't know a THING about him, other than, like me, he was also recently separated.

Sin and I couldn't go near the box of plastic-encased, bubble-blowing crabs. We were stuck, holding each other in that nervous laughter/near tears way, curled in little balls, on the couch in the other room adjacent to the kitchen. Will walked over, all manly, to kill the killer crabs and save the day. Grabbed one. Stuck the knife deep in its belly.And then. The crab *grabbed the knife with its claw and tried to pull it out!*. NO WORD OF A LIE. Will literally SCREAMED LIKE A GIRL, jumped away, and ran towards Sin and I with a look of sheer terror on his "manly" face.

Now, that "Roll-On-Floor-Laughing" part?! Yah. Sin and I literally DID! We were laughing soooo hard at poor, terrified Will's girlie scream. And he was sitting on my couch, curled in a ball, just like the two of us!

Eventually, Mightie Crab died. And Will was business as usual- getting back to the crab cull. But, he was getting crab-o-death juices EVERYwhere. (ew) So, I grabbed an apron, and, being the flirt nice person that I am, I put it on him because his hands were all gross.

And so, there it is; The day Will took my crabs into his own hands and saved the day.

And the rest, as they say, just friggen ROCKED.

Perfect, Except For That Last Part

mmmmmm.

I am in just *bliss* right now.

Being done with everything marital on both our sides, Will and I can FINALLY feel like a new chapter is ALLOWED to begin. So, we're planning our wedding for September 11th, seeing as someone told us that was a day we needed to look forward to!

*he he, hey, if the shoe fits. Thanks for the idea.*

We decided to skip the painting and cleaning. Instead, we played and loved. Although we woke up to THIS, so my original plans to go hiking had to be altered a bit... no outside stuff.

We went to the pet store, something both our kids love doing, so it was an easy family-date to decide on. Of course, the incessant 'mommy, can we get one' got on my nerves, but watching Grace and LL try to connive their way into sharing ownership of a glorified "Mighty", hamster (read: Nasty Mouse-wannabe) was fairly entertaining! Those two are sometimes just peas in a pod.

There's nothing like having 9 people file out of ONE vehicle, ESPECIALLY when there's two parents and a bunch of blond mini-mes. We always raise a few eyebrows. We overtook that already crowded pet store for a good two hours. I even made friends. Anyone want to donate only $1288 to my 'let-my-friend-come-home-with-me' fund?! ;)

(my "friend" looked JUST like this)

We bought a few movies. Shopped for some 'make it fast' dinner, and had a YUMMY supper together. I LOVE having my table full. It's a huge table, but with our clan, there's not ONE extra spot. It's perfect.

A bit of bunny-chasing for 4 of them. They attempted to catch one of the stupid rabbits that are ALWAYS in my yard, and, surprisingly, they almost did. I gave Will permission to kill anything he could catch. Stupid bunnies. Even my NEIGHBOURS were cheering them on! (proof it's not just me that has a hate-on for these bunnies)

Dessert, and bedtime for the monkeys-a-la-ME. Settled the older monkeys-a-la-Will in for the movie and bed.

Then, Will and I went out to CELEBRATE.
It was a perfect, cloudless night, and the moon was full.

So we parked.
Yep. Like I was 17 again.
Went out to a new area of town, where there's only a handful of houses already built, and I drove Will's truck to the end of an unfinished street, turned the truck to look at the moon, and we sat in that truck for HOURS!

In fact, just to make it 'authentic' parking, the police pulled up to us. Shined a light into the cab for a good 5 minutes. Which is when they probably noticed that we were FACING each other, on opposite sides of the truck, making wedding plans talking. The cop walked up to me (in the driver's side) and when I opened the window, the cop just laughed, and noticed we weren't teenagers, and said, "oh! Just checking. We've had a bit of break-ins around here." (don't start me on my dirty-thinking around THAT one! lol) They suggested we move elsewhere. I SOOO felt 17 again! Although, this time I was clothed I was in the driver's seat, being good.

The rest of the night was spent cuddling and laughing while listening to CBC radio, which, if you didn't know, has QUITE mind-numbing, strange entertaining poetry readings. "You are NOT paying attention!" And, yes, it was spent un-gramma-fying us. (Fade to Black, that's all I'm writing! ;) )

Sunday is always my FAVOURITE part of being with Will. This is probably because having someone sit beside me in church isn't something I take for granted. Having someone beside me who would take the sacrament. Holding hands during a prayer I know he's listening to. Someone who'll sing along to the church movie in the van on the way there. Someone who's inspired to tell his children things, advises his children lovingly, and then finds out that the entire Sacrament meeting is about that exact same thing. Someone who's in tune enough to recognize that prompting, and knows where it comes from. Someone who'll read scriptures with me. Who will discuss what we learned *sitting side-by-side* in Sunday School. Someone my bishop knows. Someone half of my WARD knows! :) Someone who wants to be there just as much as I do. And wants to sit beside me forever. "Do you think, when we're married in three months, that you'll sit beside me for the rest of our lives, just like this?" *inner giggle "yes dear." Yep, he wants me! :D

We went home, where I had made a big, early dinner. (roast, mashed potatoes, gravy, broccoli, cheese sauce, spinach salad, corn, buns) It smelt so good, we could smell it OUTSIDE of the house when we drove up! With soon-to-be family Sin and Vegan, Babbling Brook and Taylor, we filled that kitchen table PAST capacity, and that small roast went PERFECTLY with everything else. SOOO yummy.

A nap later. A cuddle with the kids. A stolen kiss (or twenty) from Will in the pantry.

And then they had to leave. :(

Hugs all around.
I hate that part. But the smell of Will on his shirt beside me while I sleep usually ties me over for the week.

Until Friday, and *bliss* starts all over again.

oh, and yah, the wedding part. Uh, it's a joke, sillies.

EW

Seriously, grossest thing ever.

Reasons why I hate them!!


yep. ew ew ew.

MAsTeRCarD'S lAtESt C0mMeRCiAl

One Child in time-out for hurting another child: 5 minutes (one minute per year in age)
One Large Mirror: 80$ from Stupidstore (on sale from $140)
The Amount of Glass one can get on the floor when a mirror that size breaks: 1,000,000 peicesDistance glass travels in said moment: 5 MILES!!
One child in time-out with anger issues who knocks over mirror: Priceless.

Fun fun.

And, today is off to a weird start-
Yesterday, I took two garbage bags from the kitchen out to the curb. Seeing as it was garbage day today, I didn't bother just leaving them in the garage until later that night- that'd be moving things twice, and my mother always told me that was silly. So, I took them right to the curb. At about noon.
Seven pm I went out to take LL selling her mint Girl Guide cookies. Garbage was gone.
????

Gone. As in, not spread all over the place -- nope, disappeared completely!!!
I started to worry about it. But over the night, I started getting all paranoid. What's IN that garbage??? Although most of my bills are ripped up and put in the RECYCLING for shredding, so it's unlikely that any fraud-seekers are going to find anything. But in that OFF chance that they do, it's totally freaking me out!! Who steals garbage?! And, seeing as it's kitchen garbage, they're gonna be slightly disappointed, I'd think. Unless they were WANTING 4 pizza-boxes from the other night. Still. What if something IS in there???

Ooooh, maybe my mighties came and took it off like ants do?! :/

All About "I"

I stole a LOT of the answers from Cloe, but that's because she's awesome, she's also going through a divorce, and she and I are alike in many ways.

I am: finding myself and loving every minute of it

I think: "honesty is the best policy", "hindsight is 20/20 " and "a friend in need is a friend indeed" are all very true cliches to live by.

I know: I don't know everything, I can't see what lies ahead, and I won't be given more than I can handle

I want: to love and be loved

I dislike: coffee-flavoured ANYTHING!

I miss: my family

I fear: mighties, regret and being unprepared

I feel: liberated, rejuvenated, and excogitated

I hear: Treehouse TV, children playing

I smell: Flowers given to me.. and possibly the smell of a dirty bum. Not quite a winning combination.

I crave: bad foods, answers and man-hugs

I cry: when I am worried, when I'm hurt, and when I watch sappy movies

I usually: wear jeans and a T-shirt

I search: for my bank card more often than I'd like to admit

I wonder: where I'll be and, more interestingly, WHO I'll be in 5 years

I regret: few things in life, as mistakes have made me stronger and I've learned from them. But I regret hurting people in the process.

I love: my family, the season of fall, and eating yummy dinners

I care: about my friends' happiness.

I always: feel better about my life after I exercise

I worry: about pleasing my parents

I am not: racist

I remember: a lot of 'heart pictures', but not usually the entire surrounding events

I believe: everything is part of a plan

I dance: when a song makes me move, and pretty much, whenever I can!

I sing: all the time!!!! Usually church songs.

I don't always: give service like I think I should

I argue: usually only in defence if I feel me, or someone else, is wronged

I write: to release emotions, to figure myself out and to preserve history for my posterity

I win: cutest kids award!

I lose: my glasses, my temper and my inhibitions---- just depends on what time of the day you catch me at.

I wish: I had this belly!!!

I listen: to what's usually NOT said

I don't understand: math, religious persecution and myself well enough

I can usually be found: by calling me at home during the day, through email or facebook

I'm scared: of mighties

I need: stability, love, happiness and good friends

I forget: the important things in life when I'm worried too much on the unimportant things

I am happy: ANYTIME I'm with family!


And last but not least-- I have only 2 more hours of work today, and then I am packing the van up and taking the kids to Chris' family's home for Thanksgiving. I think we've spent 7 of 8 thanksgivings with them since we've been a family, so it is nice to keep that tradition. I haven't seen my in-laws for a year, too! Which is CRAZY, as I usually see them a few times a year! So, if I don't blog, you know why---

I'm taking a much needed vacation from dayhoming, a much needed vacation from chores around the house and a much needed vacation from computers and blogs.

Be nice to each other while I'm gone! ;)

Wednesday Ws

Who: 'F.B'
What: sent me this
Where: in my email inbox
When: sometime during the night
Why: Because I'm famous!! Because I'm fantastic. Because... uh....well, because I was part of their mass email group, most likely!
HAHAHAH!

Hello,

I'm the webmaster of http://www.peloop.com
I wanted to know if by any chance you would be interested in doing an unbiased
review of our site http://www.peloop.com on your
blog http://daisyhalos..blogspot.com/

If you agree you can choose between receiving a product sample
or receiving a payment.

If you choose the product sample instead of the payment the sample is
yours to keep and you don’t need to send it back.

The product sample that you can get is Peloop - a penis enhancer
and you can see it there: http://www.peloop.com

Please let me know if you are interested.

Thank you
F. B

For a second there, I thought I was famous! They want ME to write a review! LOL How very Carrie Bradshaw of me-- a writer. Yay. lol

yah, after finding out it was a penis enhancer, I wasn't all that excited. I mean, there's a few problems with that. A) I'd be writing pretty rave reviews if they made my penis larger-- that would be a feat of fantastical proportions! LOL B) Bringing that up with Chris is just plain insulting. LOL There's conversation people just SHOULDN'T have with their spouse or Ex-to-be! (and yes, I think this picture is gosh-darn HILARIOUS!!!!!!)

But seriously, do people actually say YES to this type of mass-emailing?!!! Sent to me PERSONALLY from FB!!!! Uh, "Friggen Big"? perhaps "Found Bliss"? How about "Frightfully Blossomed"? Or, something my father would make up: "Fantastic Broduct"? LOL I particularly find the sentence "and you do not need to send it back" Roll-On-The-Floor-Laugh-Worthy! Who the heck would want to purchase a 'previously tested' penis enlarger!? HAHAHAHAHAHAH ew

Who: Me, the kids, and possibly Chris
What: are going to learn something new this winter, develop a new habit, and get some outdoor air and exercise
Where: In the snowy mountains in the powder
When: weekends and holidays
Why: Because we've always wanted to, and just never done it. And so this year, we're gonna look into snowboarding. Well, Chris and I are, the kids are either going to ski or snowboard, although I'd assume ski.

That's the good thing about us lately-- we have been just doing those things we always said we wanted to do. Why did we wait?! Well, no more 'waiting' for life to get easier or quieter or anything like that-- we're gonna go OUT and DO IT!! Life this way is sooo much more fun, and I like seeing Chris actually *DO* stuff now. Before, he'd complain about not having things in common, or not doing things together, and then would shut down any ideas I would give about fixing the situation. Yep- biggest pet peeve-- people complaining over and over about something they can fix! Grrr. Soooooo glad that's changing. He's also gonna buy a woman's helmet for the back of his motorcycle, for either me or future girls he wants to take for a ride. We've talked about purchasing a bike for me if we decide to stay together, but that's SOOO far from my list of priorities of fun right now. I would rather spend WAY LESS money and get my dream car! If we stay together, I may have to buy another garage! LOL *although, I DO have more space in there, since he did help me clean out my garage this weekend, including hanging all the bikes and taking all the junk to the dump, ect. . Of course, it was to make room for his motorcycle, but hey, he also picked up the latest Mighty, so I think it's fair!!!

Who: My Neighbour and Dayhome parent
What: told me to look outside!
Where: my back door
When: this morning
Why: To see this:

It's really fun to watch things happen. They've been putting the bricks on the other wall (you can't see here) but today, getting the steeple is kinda fun. Watching the big crane hoist it up and such. It's starting to look like an LDS chapel now, not just a big, long building.

Wednesday Ws

Who: every single dayhome child
What: was in a cranky mood
Where: ALL OVER THE HOUSE!
When: the entire day, yesterday
Why: something crabby in the air? Who knows!? I swear, by 9:00 AM, I was ready for nap time! I don't know how it's possible that they ALL have a 'bad sleep' the night before, or how they're all feeling a bit 'sick', or whatever. But seriously, yesterday was the day of AHHHHGGHGHHG!

Who: me, and the kids
What: got an hour of running in
Where: around McKenzie Lake
When: last night, while LL was in Brownies
Why: well, my scale is slowly inching the WRONG direction! I will prevail, however. I have started this running thing, and HOPE to continue it during the fall. Running yesterday, pushing the stroller and Bear keeping up on his bike, it was SO nice. Just breathing in the crisp, cooler air. And McKenzie Lake has a lot of mature trees around it, so for most of the run there were some crisp leaves to crunch through. How is anything a better sound than that? I don't know why, but I heard it's because I was BORN in it, but something in me comes alive in the fall. I feel more vibrant and at peace. Every year, without fail, I have this experience. I am a fall baby. I look best in fall colours (my colouring was done a few years back, and I'm a "TRUE SPARKLING AUTUMN") and I'm just happy at fall. I mean, what's not to love?!

Who: MC
What: gave me a GREAT link to a GREAT Play-doh recipe
Where: at THIS LINK
When: a few days ago was when she sent me the recipe, but I made it today
Why: Why'd she send it, or why'd I make it? Well, no matter to either of the options... I mean, I RUN A DAYHOME (so does she) so why else would I make it?! Point is, it's a GREAT recipe, so thanks for sharing MC. Now I share with the world. Took 5 minutes to make, and the playdoh itself is really good.
And, for those who care...
we're up to 10 mighties. Did I always have these mice, and just not notice until I put a million traps out? Or is this a new thing? Oh, and PS-- DON'T fall for that 'radar sound mouse deterant' thingimabob-- OBVIOUSLY it doesn't work!

20/20 Hindsight

Things I miss!!

1. sex. Let's be serious. It'd be the first thing on your list too, after 8 years.
2. someone else to deal with the Mighties. Ew. That is SO a man's job. I do it, but I hate it.
3. Saturday morning sleep-ins. (technically, I get this every other week, so I'm not totally deprived.)
   
4. Breakfasts....pancakes, french toast, and his specialty-- poachies on toast. MMMM I do NOT make breakfast.
   
5. someone else to giggle with when the kids have temper tantrums or say funny things, or, as in the case of yesterday, someone naked full-moons the neighbours in order to smell the flowers outside.
   
6. WALKING UNTIL MIDNIGHT WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS!!! Man, I miss this.
   
7. knowing how much food to make at mealtimes. I need to get used to this 'me and three kids who eat like birds' thing. It's harder than I thought!
   
8. help with cleaning, cooking, putting kids to bed
9. 'honey, I'm home' kisses on the back of the neck
10. griping about people we mutually get annoyed with, hate, disagree with, etc.
11. someone who laughed at my little idiosyncrasies... but made me laugh at them too.
12. 8 Gothic Vagina night OUT-- where it didn't always have to be at my house. I feel bad for making the girls always trek 1/2 way to California to get here!
13. Work Christmas parties. His jobs were always the funnest Christmas parties. At least, for a stay-at-home mom, they were better than a kick in the pants. (is that a guy-only phrase? Cuz it seems to me it would be, although, lemme tell you guys out there-- kicking a girl in the pants don't feel a whole lot like a tickle-fest either!)
14. Always knowing who I would take to a dinner, a dance, a social (hahah, a social?! What the? Am I 60 years old?! Who goes to things called SOCIALS!?)
15. Someone to hold my hand through a pap smear. And don't you all dare laugh. I'm dead serious.
16. long weekends of travelling to see his family. This can and will still happen, but it's not the same.
17. Someone who understood my lack of mathematical skills, and could help me understand the issue better than ANYONE else
18. the way he smelt/ smelled (?)- and I mean that as in, "Chris smells like roses", instead of "Chris smelt the roses". Clearly. (And let's not let that sentence example delude you-- he did NOT smell like roses!)
    
19. someone else taking out the garbage.
20. cuddling, crying on a shoulder, snuggling in bed, a kiss on the forehead, a hand brushing my hair away from my face, a quick massage of the shoulders while I make dinner... the little 'touches'.
    

Things I DON'T miss!!

1. cheese and crackers all over the clean counters
2. TOTALLY clean laundry in the dirty laundry piles.. thus, laundry takes FOREVER
3. raiding the fridge 10 minutes before dinner's ready!
4. the smell of alcohol breath, the knowledge of how much money was SPENT on that alcohol, and the amount of money spent to get his car home from a 'designated driver service' because of drinking that amount of money through that alcohol. (nope, not bitter about this one)
   
5. going to bed alone, waiting for him to come home until about 4:30 AM! (again, tied to #4, but deserves it's own number for sure!)
   
6. sharing a bank account
7. going to church alone when I didn't have to
8. Freshly made bed with clean sheets, and HE gets in first and untucks all the sheets. GRRRR
9. snoring
10. someone complaining about the messy house while sitting playing video games on the computer!
11. crappy crap TV shows and movies like Blade Trinity, the Matrix, KillBill, Star Trek: Voyager, and Stargate SG1, although I kinda liked that once in a while
12. someone who doesn't know the songs to GREAT musical movies, or has never even SEEN The Sound Of Music!!! SERIOUSLY!?
13. coming home from a vacation/time away without the kids, to a VERY messy house that hasn't been touched ONCE
14. listening to someone's new business idea, or "life long dream" change with the weather. Last I checked, if it was 'life long', it shouldn't be changing.
15. Priorities that differed GREATLY from mine
16. crappy music choices where the singer is usually screaming obscenities. Not saying he needed to like some of the country I like, but we had happy mediums.
17. toenails. clipped. on the floor/table/night stand,..etc. Need I say more? GRRRRR. In all fairness, I leave hair in the drain, which REALLY bothered him (as it should), so I'd say we're even on 'discarded body part issues'.
18. Feeling like I'm intellectually inferior to the "math and science" dude. Or, being asked an english or biology question, only to be told I'm wrong when I can prove it to him. >:X (someday I may talk about this one in more detail, because, MAN, was I mad that day. OOOOHH, wait. I did--but somehow the link I posted doesn't work, so who knows where in the abyss of internet garbage it went.) You know, if I had only known that his reaction was purely guilt over his affair, that would have possibly made things WAY clearer.
    Meh. 20/20 hindsight.
19. Open drawers in the dresser.
20. The incessant "I'm not sure I wanna be married. I don't think I love you. We have nothing in common." conversations. Shoot me now.
    

and another PS

Yah.. I also forgot to mention something else. Although, unlike the treadmill news, this one doesn't deserve a dance of joy. More like a pout of yuckiness.

We caught another Mighty. WHAT THE HECK!? I should buy stocks in mousetraps! Yep. And this time I had to put it away myself. EW. I hate that part.

Day Dreamin'

Today, I found something I want. Badly.

CLICK HERE to meet the new love of my life.

Okay, so it's not the right colour, but she's so pretty.
*thinks- odd-- I just named it a 'she'. First car I've ever owned that I considered a 'she'. Kinda. We had a VW Jetta we called Lucy, but Chris kinda started that one. Maybe I just consider VWs girls???
She's pretty, though, hey? And, lemme tell you- I like the price. I could afford her. I don't know that I'd WANT to spend that kind of money-- this was an already expensive month. But, this is my dream-- my dream car! And cheap. And pretty. and so mine.

I called them. But they didn't answer, so I left a msg for more info. Chris was beside me when I found her, and he's all, 'let's go to Edmonton. I'll drive the kids home and you can drive the car!'. He was not being the devil's advocate at that point-- so, IF they had phoned and the car was still for sale, I would be in Edmonton right now. So it's probably a good thing they weren't home. he knows I want this, though, and have for YEARS AND YEARS. Like, longer than probably 15 years!

hah, and because I have a 2-car garage and only ME to park in it, it's not like there's not room in my garage! lol. In fact, speaking of room in my garage- I will be housing a crotchrocket over the winter. :S whatever. I reminded him that I'm not responsible for scratches from children or mice. HAHA. (found this picture of a yellow beetle, with ears and a mouse-tail-- seemed too funnily coincidental to my life lately! LOL)

We picked up a movie for the kids for 'datenight' tonight with them. And, in the store, I saw Prison Break Season Two and Season Three for sale. Season Three was 68 bucks... and way more money than I wanted to spend. Season 2 was 42 bucks. Still expensive, but more reasonable. (Season One is already in my hot-little-fist; bought that a while back) I asked the cashier if they were on sale or anything. She told me they weren't, but she'd sell me season Three previously viewed for only 18 bucks! WHAT WHAT WHAAATT?!?! 18 bucks?! I didn't even flinch-- "sold!" I told her. She took them off the shelves, and proceeded to put them into their proper cases. Then rang them through. And season two-- which WAS on sale! I got BOTH seasons for less than the price of one by itself! I was soooo super thrilled.

And those who are excited like me: Prison Break, Season 4 starts on Monday night. For those who AREN'T Fanattics like me-- Do NOT phone my house on Monday nights starting this week, okay? Because I won't answer. Or I'll be annoyed if I do. :) Monday nights I do not exist to you. So don't phone! lol love ya, but don't phone.

yesterday I spent the entire day without a bra or the 'restraints' on. To let the blisters finally scab and start to heal. Putting the bra and tensors back on hurt like crazy. And today, one boob is a bit of a different shape than the other. Not that anyone else would notice (no, it's not like one's a ball and the other's a pentagon...) but there's a TINY difference. I am hoping that's just part of healing-- they won't heal exactly the same. And this boob is also the one that hurts a bit at one particular spot of the muscle-- like I pulled it or something. So that's probably contributing to it too. I'll keep you updated. Good thing it's not noticable in case this was a serious 'malfunction' in my healing process. I can't believe I've had these things for a week and a half already! That's nuts!

Days of Interesting Days

I know, it's Wednesday. Which means it should be a Wednesday W's day. But because there's sooo much to say, I couldn't bear to subject myself to that forum for today. Instead, we're going on a different theme. Everything lately has been kinda... weird. So, today we're gonna do, Wednesday Weirds...

Monday consisted of a bunch of weird, random encounters that I was soooo unprepared for. I mean, none of them were BAD per se, but in general, they were just, weird.

I got an email from each side of a married couple, but each of them sent it to me personally. She wanted to know how single life was treating me, and he wanted to know about the boobs. LOL. Typical, right? okay, both of them are unaware the other has emailed me ON THE SAME DAY, no less. I don't hear from this couple EVER, and here, on the same day, they both message me. One with genuine interest in life as a single mom (?? should I assume there's a bit more to her proding?) and one with genuine interest in, to put it frankly, FEELING my new girls! Ahhhh, big problem, me thinkie. I had an inner chuckle to myself, all the while, thinking... is this for real!? Where's the hidden camera!? And how the heck do I reply to EITHER of them!?

Next is a phone call from someone who is, uh... ten steps more ahead of a relationship than I am. Problem is, that relationship centres on ME! HAHAH, didn't know I was in the market! lol AWKWARD!

Then, as if some weird bermuda triangle thing hit my life, that friend who was flat out ignoring me was totally acting all normal again. ??? uh.. did I miss something!? There was no reason for the ignoring. Nothing. So call me confused and paint my toenails, but I shook my head for the millionth time... and it was only Monday morning!

Another married guy friend keeps asking me to join him and his wife. First off, lets set something straight! I do NOT know why these things are all happening at this time in my life-- I find it disturbingly humourous. To that point of nervous laughter...uh...'is this for real, what the freek do I reply with? LOL" Secondly, uh, the answer is a resounding NO! Like you were all worried, I'm sure! HAHAHAHA. But, seriously! Worse of worse, his wife--- NOT INTO THAT!!! HAHAH, what, like bringing in a third person when your WIFE isn't into it is going to go as 'planned'.. That would be a mistake of EPIC proportions! LOL
Shakes head.
And, he is well aware of my situation in life currently, so asking me to help a married man cheat-- yah, A) don't know me well enough AT ALL!!!! And B) really don't get that I'm probably the LAST person to approach for support in that category right now! And ever. So yah, no. Major weirdness to me.

Then the doorbell rings. That's unexpected, since the kids I dayhome are all here-- and parents aren't due to arrive for a while. Who's at the door? EF and her daughter. !!!!!???? Nice to see her, her daughter rushes in and gives me a huge hug. (I, of course, am careful to hug people these days. lol) EF then starts gushing about the twins-- how much were they? They look great. How do I feel? What size did I go? ... and then starts to touch them. LOL For some reason, I felt pregnant again-- people who just up and touch your buldging bodyparts without permission. lol I thought it was fairly weird. Kinda waited for the 'I came over because I wanted to talk about such-and-such moment' , or 'I need a cup of sugar' or something. Nope. Just came over to check out the goods growing off my chest. LOL Just me, or a little weird?!

Weird was also knowing that I was 'alone' for reals. Uncle wasn't coming home later. He wasn't gonna be around to take care of the TWO Mighty Mouses that we caught while I was gone. ew. Chris was nice and actually took care of them both. Which was fine with me this time, as I'm not really feeling strong enough in my upper body to lift an entire SHOVEL to dispose of them MY way. LOL I can barely wipe my kitchen counters. So my kitchen floors, because they're unvacuumed, are pretty scary right now. Meh. It's just Crispy Rice cereal. It'll get cleaned eventually. lol

We went and finished the kids' school shopping... buying shoes and supplies. It was nice to have Chris' help, since pushing a cart woulda hurt. And I don't have the energy to deal with three monkeys alone. He has been helping a lot with stuff around here too-- getting stuff down from up high (that's the part of the surgery I hate the most-- don't really wanna lift my arms too high) and stuff like that. I haven't had to cook yet, so that's also a nice break. Won't last forever, but I'll take it for now. Thanks for the meal, too, Val!

Chris slept over Monday night. Before you all get your panties in a bunch-- it was totally fine. He, in his mid-life crisis, bought a crotchrocket motorcycle. He has wanted one for a while, so, in truth, it's not much different than me getting a boobjob. lol But the weather was crappy and raining Monday night, and he couldn't ride his bike home. He's only had his licence for a few days and isn't too confident to do that yet. No biggie. I'd prefer that anyways-- last thing I need is having to explain to my kids that something horrible happened to Daddy. Yah... soooo not up my alley. Parked his bike in the garage and slept here. Which was nice, seeing as it meant I wasn't alone in the house for the first night without Uncle. We didnt' want the kids to get confused, though, so he left before they were awake. I think having Daddy at the house in the morning would only create bigger confusion that niether Chris nor I think is a good idea. Weird, yes. But not in a bad way.

Yesterday morning I spent laughing until I cried, talking with my girlfriends on the computer. Man, I remember what I missed about that. Seriously, I have great friends.

Then, we had our final mediation meeting with Ms. Tim Hortons. It was exactly as expected-- smooth and no problems. We (being Chris and I) kinda expected to talk about certain things, but apparently mediation doesn't deal with financial agreements/housing..etc. So that kinda surprised us, only because we were hoping to put all that down on paper too. It's considered "Separation Agreement" type of stuff, and this was a "mediation agreement". Uhhh, what's the difference? Doesn't matter. It's done. At least, the mediation part is. I guess we'll eventually have to do the separation agreement part... which we will. Someday. It was nice to get that over and done with, though. Even though it took about 3 hours, it was totally good.

And my visiting teacher and another woman from my ward came over to watch not only MY kids for the 4 hours I was gone, but the dayhome kids too! Fed them lunch! Put them down for naps! Entertained them...and, shame of all shames, cleaned my kitchen. I was SOOO thankful. Especially because they both had much more important personal things to take care of, but they came and did that for me. I love the ward I'm in-- the women here are truly amazing examples of friendship and sisters.

And that pretty much leaves me at today. Took TWO painkillers last night in an attempt to get through an entire night without waking up at about 3 am in pain. It worked.... slept until the alarm went off, but my head reallllllly hurts this morning. BOO on that. So I took a tylenol. Taking a drug to minimize a drug-induced headache seems kinda addict-y to me. lol Ya ya.

Time to Settle Down

Okay, so I'm doing it. Sitting here, with far too much to talk about from the trip and no motivation to start. LOL I mean, where to start anyways?!~

okay, first off, since you're allll wondering with baited breath (okay, let's imagine-- because, honestly, baited breath just sounds suspenseful!) Yes, I got the job. I didn't need the lift after all-- Dr. said I could want one in maybe ten years, but don't NEED one. So I'm lift-free. And dang-nabbit, I'm happy I am! Because these girls are perky enough without a lift that I'd be worried I'd choke myself to death if I added the lift! lol They're very, uh... up there. In your face-- LITERALLY! LOL. It'll be a few weeks before they find their own, uh, niche, in my chest. ROFL-- this whole paragraph has gone WAY sideways fast. Point is (and yes, I have TWO points!!!!! LOL) I got the job. They're huge and hard and perky right now and slightly painful. I'm off the drugs-- can't be on drugs and dayhome kids-- that's just not kosher with me. And in a few weeks I'll be much more 'settled' into them.

Settling down- school starts next week and I am SO unprepared. Thankfully the uniforms are bought and sized and ready to go, but their shoes are still needed, and all their school supplies. And I'm looking for a carpool person to drive Bear home Monday to Thursdays after school so I dont' have to trek the dayhome everyday (during calgary winters.. blah) to get him at lunchtime. So not my cup-a-tea. And I don't like tea on a good day!

Chris came over last night. The kids had a GREAT time at my parent's house-- not that I knew they wouldn't anyways! They were talking about climbing trees and playing the piano and parades....they wouldn't shut up! Once we got them to bed, we talked for a long time again. We've turned a corner in our relationship again, a corner I enjoy very much. It's ALMOST at that 'why are we divorcing again?' corner, but not. I mean, we KNOW this is the right course of action, but the way we're getting along lately really makes us remember why we were such a great pair, usually. He signed the papers while I was in Utah. So now we're pretty much 'done' the work part. We have mediation tomorrow, but it should go smoothly and after that, there's nothing left to do. So that's nice. I guess. Weird. But good.

And I caught two more Mighty Mouses while I was away. Grrrrr. Time to buy more traps. But glad these ones are on the floor and easy to scoop with the shovel. haha. Now that Uncle has moved out totally, it really is Me against the World in this home. Scary. LL had a bad dream last night about our home being broken into-- her biggest worry is that Daddy's not here to keep her safe. I'm going to have to find ways to help that worry in her go away as best I can. I want and need her to feel safe at home. I know I'm not 'Daddy', but hopefully I can be one pretty darned good "Mommy" who does everything just as good. :)

Wednesday Ws

Who: Musicians
What: Made these songs
Where: in studios, I assume
When: when the mood stroke, I suppose. lol
Why: Okay, let's cut out this W stuff- it doesn't work for this part...My tunes lately. (ya yah, I know it's not Tuesday... hence, it's not a Tuesday Tunes post. It's a Wednesday Ws... and well, it's my blog, and I'll cry if I want to! lol)

And although THIS SONG was a song that reminds me of an ex (don't ask.. it's all good), I 'feel' it today.
THIS SONG is one of those ones I could listen to over and over again lately.

On a different note:

Introduced to THIS SONG recently through a friend, the words are EXACTLY me lately. I'm not generally into this type of music, but this one I like.
And when I need to remember.... why I'm doing this. (I'm really NOT this bitter, but I think it's funny to listen to. Okay, SOME days I'm this bitter... but not TRULY. I loved him. But he WAS one! *haha, how come jerks don't know they're jerks? HAHA*)


Who: The Elders
What: came over
Where: to my house, of course! lol
When: last night
Why: Well, the simple answer is because they're both being transfered to other areas, and they wanted to come by, say thanks for the good times, and goodbye. But I like to think that, in some small way, they were an answer to the prayer of my heart. No, I didn't PRAY they'd come over. But they showed up at PERFECT timing, we had a great, lighthearted talk in the backyard, and when they got up to leave, I asked for a blessing. When they pulled up in their car, as I was outside, that was HONESTLY my first thought-- ask them. I don't know my home teachers very well, and don't want to bother people to come over, so when they just showed up, I knew I was being watched over. Sounds trite to some, too religious and froo froo to others, but we all know that when times are truly hard, one's spirituality is what usually pulls them through. So tough for those who don't get that about me. I needed them right then. And they showed up. And that's not coincidental to me. These boys were great Elders, and I'll miss them. I usually like the newbie that replaces the old one(although it's rare to replace BOTH at the same time), so I'm sure things will be fine again. I needed their blessing. And I am happy I got it.

Who: Me and the kids
What: got a run/bike in
Where: through the community
When: last night
Why: It's proven that exercise alleviates feelings of depression and sadness by releasing endorphines and aiding in mental release of negative thoughts. So I took my cranky kids out... they needed those endorphines. (haha, TOTALLY KIDDING-- it was WAY me who needed it-- who are we really kidding here!? lol) Ran the same route as last time.. today, seeing EF probably would have done me in. She wasn't there, nor was her daughter. Happy not to have that dagger slightly twisted. Yes, I forgive EF. But it still reminds me of the reason the sugar hit the fan.

.....*thinks*

So really, I should thank her. Yep. Today I thank her for getting me out of that. Without her, would I have EVER known about what I know about? Would Chris and I have ever gotten better, or would I still be stuck in what I didn't SEE as unhappiness but was?

Okay, tangent over-- seriously, I need to stay on track with this post. lol

ANYWHO, running sucked. LOL haven't done it in WAY too long, so it's a good thing I did it today. Maybe I'll sleep better. But more importantly maybe it will help bring me out of this funk a bit. And, less importantly, I need to ensure that when I step on that scale tomorrow morning, it is STILL under 140. lol (yes, I step on my scale EVERY day. So what?)


Who: The Conquering HERO!
What: picked up limp-bodied Mighty
Where: from the safety of a long-handled shovel
When: yesterday.. (although Chris didn't end up coming over yesterday, I did it before lunch)
Why: now THAT is the question I keep asking myself! LOL. Yes, I picked up Mighty (in the trap, of course) with a shovel, 5 kids screaming and 'ew'ing and freaking out behind me... wait.. that was me freaking out. Nevertheless, the kids were all around, screaming too. But, PAT ON MY BACK, I put Mighty in the garbage and RESET a new trap. Yep. Me. All by myself. Don't THINK that I didn't want to call over my husky, manly-man neighbour who was outside at the time and ask him to do it... because the thought crossed my mind OVER AND OVER. But no. *I* did it. Me. By myself. With no encouragement from the peanut gallery. The peanut gallery was all dancing around like maniacs about the dead mouse. lol

We won't mention how, before I used the shovel to pick it up, I grabbed the LONGEST handled broom to 'poke' it just to be sure it was dead. ROFL. I'm not kidding. I thought, "maybe it's still alive, and when I go to pick up the dead carcass it will jump up and try to run away again!?" I HATE mice, and it's for the reason that my imagination is like THIS! lol

Another One Bites the Dust

Chris called this morning for some info that I keep in my wallet. Which was in my purse. Which was in the car. Which, yes, was in the garage. ... the very same garage with 8 traps set up!!! 8!! He laughed at me as I exclaimed how badly I didn't want to go into the garage...lol. First 4 traps I see are still set and baited. They're the ones I expected to have caught something in first, as they're nearest to where Mighty was caught. Next 2, still good. I've also caught a mouse near there before. Next one- GAH!!! Dead mouse! Ew ew ew ew ew ew. I put the trap there, but TOTALLY thought it was a dumb spot. Apparently not! I freaked out on the phone, Chris laughing his butt off at me. LOL I know he truly loved me once, because he said that when he comes over later, he'll take care of it for me. What a sweetie. But I told him I'd do it. And I will. Before he comes. Because I have to do that FOR ME-- and a little to prove to him I don't NEED him in that way anymore.
One down.

Doing it for me. Because I don't need him. But last night, I really did. This post is gonna be a bit verbal-diarrhea-ish and possibly hard to follow, but I need to release stuff, and this is my outlet right now.

In the course of a few days, I realized I've been out of touch with my feelings again. I was putting them aside, and putting on a mask of 'everything's good' again. I am disappointed in myself for doing that, as, until now, I've been making a conscious effort to let each feeling run its course. In letting things run their course, I also need to be pretty flexible in recognizing when the first feeling is over and the next feeling has emerged-- even if I'm not mentally or physically (spiritually, temporally, socially) ready to face and embrace it. I wasn't ready for the feelings of last night, but they hit hard.

I got really lonely. I sat back and saw how things in my recent past have been somewhat masking my TRUE emotions... even though it was a completely unintentional, unconscious thing. And it came down on me yesterday.

I think that there's a bit of stress in my life right now that's adding to this instability in my ever-so-calculated emotional state. (right... I'm SOOOO stable! HAHAH, that's a good one) I think that Friday is a much bigger day than I anticipate. Friday I leave for B@@bapalooza- And although I still feel confident about that decision in life right now, there's so many 'what ifs' that are stressing me. Secondly, Uncle moves out. More on that in a sec.

B@@bapalooza:
I worry about getting there and being told I'm not a good candidate for the simple augmentation, being told that without a lift as well, I won't get results I desire, and having to go home empty-chested. (lol.. sorry, that was too good to pass up) I WON'T agree to the lift because I don't have weeks of recovery time-- I have days. Days that an augmentation would be sufficient with, but not a lift. I don't have the money for a lift. I mean, I *DO*, but then ALL financial 'security' I'm building would start at zero-balance again, and I'm not cool with that uncertainty at this junction of life. I don't know how I'd feel about the scars, either. Small point, but it's there.

Uncle:
Uncle has lived here for 2 years. For 2 years I've dealt with his annoying habits, his tedious attention to peeling ALL THE WHITE off of EVERY SEGMENT in mandarine oranges (kill me now! lol), his dirt, his grime, his utterly disgusting diet and refusal to eat certain foods or even 5-minute old 'left overs'. GRRRR.
Yep. Lived with someone else parenting my children when I'm standing RIGHT there-- in my own home. Someone else logged into sites I can't STAND or erasing passwords and account numbers I don't know off by heart because we share a computer. Someone parked in dumb spots at dumb times. Leaving lights on. Leaving food out.
And I hate that he's leaving. I'm gonna miss him sooo much. It's really crashing down on me lately-- I will NOT have a man in the house. I will NOT have someone taller to change the lightbulbs I can't reach in this stupid house with lofty ceilings that Chris designed... I won't have someone here to 'watch the kids sleep' while I go out for hours at a time to recoup with my girlfriends on walks until midnight or so. GV night? Possibly won't be attending unless everyone comes here EVERY time-- how lame will that get after a month! But mostly, I'm gonna miss HIM! His humour, his love, his patience.

Last night I needed Chris. But not Chris himself. I needed what he was to me once. I needed to feel loved as a woman. To feel male arms around me, comforting me that I'm safe and okay and loved. I still need that today, apparently, because as I typed that simple sentence, tears welled up again and fell down my cheeks. I know I don't need a man-- it's not like that. I just love to love. I love to give that part of myself-- I realized last night that that's why I haven't ever been 'alone' much in life. I love to be in a relationship, and now that I'm not, and can't really be, it's a new 'feeling' I'm unaware of. I know how to deal with emotions-- but this one is new. And I wasn't prepared for it. I dont' like it. I don't even know how I WANT to react to it, either.

I needed a hug. No prayer or pillows sufficed last night. So, with my heart in my hands, I took the kids out to buy a new movie. I went on a date with three cuties. Bought this movie and sat with my three monkeys on the floor with the lights off, in our jammies and with our blankies. Cuddled the three of them on the floor, hoping that my physical need would be satiated. It was really sweet, and I needed it.

But, bedtimes passed and light grew dimmer, and I went to bed with a book my sister, Lola so lovingly bought for me recently. Not that it's a particularly SAD book, but it's poignant and relates to how I am feeling. And some of the scriptural or spiritual references to things were what I needed. But the feelings of emptiness were only magnified in that bedroom. I even contemplated moving the furniture again. Instead, I just let myself cry. And, once that ran its course, I opened my bedroom door, called out for Uncle, and he came into my room. Crying, I asked him for a hug, and we sat there, hugging for about 10 minutes-- no short of an exageration. We spoke while we hugged, and it was a touching moment for the two of us.

I'd write what was spoken, but I think I'll keep that one for myself. I will miss him. I am glad to have had him here to make the transition easier. And I am glad to face the next step more alone now that I've had a bit of time to catch my breath. But I'll miss him.

And with school starting in a few weeks, I'm worried about the transition to the new, more structured school for the kids. And we're potty-training right before I leave my kids with my parents and their new house-- I'm stressed that my kids will wreck something or pee on something or act disobediently or crabbily... I'm worried I'll be stressing my parents out since they haven't quite recovered from THIS!!

I'm worried about keeping the dayhome full enough. I'm stressed about the divorce proceedings-- this Saturday is the day of "breathe" since Chris can no longer contest the grounds for divorce. He won't anyways, but still, I'll breathe a bit easier once that day comes. Then we file new forms, and leave it in the hands of judges and legal proceedings that I have NO control over. (Oh, AND the mediation meeting)

I stress about dating and about self-image and about my weight and about and about and about. But that's something I think EVERYONE deals with in one way or another. So I'm not special in that regard.

I cried heartily last night when the scripture from D&C 121: 7-9 was in the book. " My son, ^apeace be unto thy soul; thine ^badversity and thine afflictions shall be but a ^csmall moment;

8 And then, if thou ^aendure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy ^bfoes.

9 Thy ^afriends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands."

I remember that this scripture was one that my father first found after my brother's death, and how much comfort he found in it. I don't know why, but since hearing about that story, that scripture has comforted me more too. And last night, I needed that scripture right then.

But know what I needed more this morning!? (apart from catching Mighty? ;) ) I stepped on my scale.
139 baby!!!!!!!! I SAW The line of 140, and it was on the RIGHT side of the marker! 139! I did it-- just like I said-- a day (or 7) before b@@bapalooza. And I shall leave this depressing and long-winded post on that happy note. ;)