Mimi Makes Me Laugh

*during family prayer*

Mimi: Heavenly Father, please bless us. Fank you... a house. Fank you... a fam'ly. Fank you...a temple. Fank you...a dessert and ice cream!

*Getting dressed in the morning, she brings me her dress*

Mimi: But Mom! I can not get dressed out here! People will see my pirates!
Andrew (dayhome kid, 3 years old): There's no such thing as pirates. Pirates are only on TV. Like Dora.
Mimi: Yes there is. Hers has pirates. Hes has a penis.
Andrew: Not pirates. Privates!
Mimi: No. See? (pulls up her dress.) My pirates.

***

***

Even My Underwear Were Wet!

This weekend with Will was awesome, eventful and full... the kind of weekends worth remembering.

You saw Friday night's date of folding lots and LOTS of laundry. We watched "The Power Of One", which is one of my all-time favourite movies and definitely worth watching if you haven't seen it!Saturday morning we attended a Stampede Breakfast at our new chapel down the street, put on by our community association. During the breakfast, our realtor held an open house, so we were 'out' for the day. Thankfully, there was a fair amount of traffic that went through the house. Good feedback, in general.

The breakfast, much to my shock, was PACKED! I had no idea THAT many people lived around here.... it was a good hour-long wait in line to be served. Good thing we had no where else to be.

Then we ran a few errands, and then Will and I decided to go car shopping. So we spent a few hours checking out 9-passenger vehicles. Which, in case you were wondering, aren't easy to come across. Unless you wanna van like this, which, (Terri, I love you, but) I simply can't do!!!

After a drive to Peter's Drive-In (mmmmm), we stopped back at the house for late afternoon naps. I fed the kids some supper, and Will and I 'dressed up' to go on a real-live date! So, I took him to Open Sesame, introduced to me by Becka and Lena! Thanks sexy babes!

Surprisingly, we got a table right away, seeing as it was dinner-rush hour and stampede week. For those of you who aren't familiar with the Calgary Stampede, it's the 'greatest western outdoor show on earth', and there's millions of people in the city all dressed up like this. And no one finds it odd. True story. That's the beauty of Stampede. But it's a pain because everywhere is filled to the brim with Yahoo'ers and Pardners and scantily-clad Save-a-horse type of girls.

I digress.

So there we are, eating at Open Sesame. It's got a Mongolian-grill type of menu option, so Will and I filled our bowls with our stir-fry veggies and set them down at the grill to return to our ordered drinks. I had clamato juice, Will had lemonade. (and you wonder why this matters?)

I picked up my cup to bring the straw to my lips, and suddenly, I am DRENCHED.

DRENCHED. In clamato juice.


Shocked, I look at my cup, still in my hands. The bottom of the cup, however, was NOT in my hands. It was still on the table! Literally, it's as though someone took the bottom right off with a glass-cutter.

The server was shocked. Will was shocked. I was SOAKED. The server suggests she'll find me another drink...

uh....
no.
Thanks anyways, but I think we'll take that dinner to go!

So, they comp'ed our dinner, and gave us a voucher for dry cleaning of BOTH of our outfits, as Will also got a bit on his clothes.

Red. Tomato. Juice. ALLLLL OVER ME!!!

front view... not too bad, right?

"Rear" view- I look like I wet my pants! Click for full effect! LOL!

We headed BACK home, changed, and headed back out. But this time we went to watch the sun go down, and ate in the van, laughing about the events of the night.

After 'dinner', I took him out dancing, and we were back to take the babysitter home by midnight. We're so old! :)

Today was the dedication of our new chapel.
It was AWESOME to walk to church this morning, it was awesome to see some friends from other wards, it was REALLY awesome that Sin saved us a pew in the chapel and NOT on the metal chairs in the gym, and it was awesome to sit with Will beside me. It was NOT awesome to get a migraine before the opening song was even over. The building is pretty, and I am grateful to have the privilege to attend there each week, albeit not for much longer. *cue house sell NOW*

It has been a wonderful weekend full of memories, laughs and intimate cuddles with my man whom I love to pieces.

This weekend
I. Feel. Truly. Blessed.

If You're Looking For A Post on How to Have a Divortion with a Hermaphrodite That Exacerbates Folding Panties, Whoa, You've Come to the Wrong Place

So, using my super-secret, high-tech analytic gadgets , I can stalk track what happens on this blog, where people come from, and what brought them here. I thought I'd share with you some of the funny things people searched for in the past month to end up here on this silly blog.

Some searches are obvious, like "Daisyhalos," "blogspot," "Mormon," or " X-Weighted," but here's some original ones for this month:

1. "Cute Ways To Fold Undies." In case any of you missed it, it truly was a great tutorial (you can catch it here). I'm just sad that only two people find it important to ensure all panties are nicely placed into the underwear drawer. If anything, underwear are the closest thing to our..uh..hearts. Shouldn't we fold them with a little more reverence!?
   
   
2. "Hal and Joanne McLeod Divorce." Don't think I started that nasty rumour. That would be a sad story if it were true. I mean, whose marriage can't survive the mantra of "keep fit, and have fun"? Body Break is NOT a break-UP, people! And, Joanne would be the DUMBEST woman on the planet to divorce a man with such a stellar 'stache! Hey, Hal, if it's true that you're single... CALL ME! *wink wink*
   
   PS- were they ever even married?
   
   
3. "Is the Word Whoa A Proper Word". Seriously, Feltcher, it totally is. The spellcheck accepts it, so that's sayin' something. And, besides, it was on TV, so its superly gotsta be a real word cuz everything on TV is true! *cough* And, for a frikkle-head to search on google for that and ultimatively click on a BLOG-linky, you needa go back to school. Cuz, CLEARLY, blogs are the be-all and end-all of Good Wordisms. And punctuationisms. And gooder English. Other real words not to be left out: bestest, recockulous, and buttmunch.
   
   Whoa. I think I hurt my head on those last few. Whoa.
   
   
4. "What is a Hermaphrodite Technically Called?" "Hermaphrodite Love 8" "Blue Power Ranger Hermaphrodite" I don't even want to comment on this one. I'm scared. Please, if you're looking for ANYTHING of this sort, you're on the wrong blog. The title of THIS POST was just a joke. And Blue Power Ranger Hermaphrodites???? WHAT THE??!?!
   
   
5. "What is a Divortion" I still love this word, courtesy of Babbling Brooke. But the true definition of Divortion doesn't exist. There's no such word. Maybe divortion is only for those people who want to be unmarried AND lose their responsibilities as a parent?
   
   
6. "How Many Calories In A Burger From Peters' Drive-In" WHO CARES?! Just eat the mofo! And stuff the ginormous amount of french fries they give you in your mouth, too, before anyone sees! (ooooh, Ginormous... hey, dumbdumb from number 3, FYI: ginormous is ALSO a word.) And, if you're gonna do a trip to Peters', do it right: get a Tiger-flavoured milkshake. MMMMM. There's no calories in milkshakes on Thursday. Like there's no calories in *Chocolate on Wednesday, in tacos on Tuesday or in *Candy on Fridays.
   
   *yes, as the link says, these are always capitalized!
   
   
7. "Peloop" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. SERIOUSLY!?!! That comes from THIS POST, and frankly, that's just hilarious that someone was SEARCHING for that product! Good luck on that. Let us know how it went!
   
   
8. "Definition of Exacerbated". This is only funny to me because it wasn't me who said it-- it was an Anonymous commenter on THIS entry. But, for ease of clickage, the proper definition of exacerbated is:
   

• to make more intense or sharp; aggravate (disease, pain, annoyance, etc.)
• to exasperate; annoy; irritate; embitter
  
  
  

So, there you have it. Things that brought some of you here. :) Hopefully you managed to find what you were looking for, and then some, while you've read along since! And if not, I'm sure we'll have some gooders next month. So stay tuned. And yes, gooders is ALSO a word! :)

Letters from the Employer

Dear Mr. Will,

Your presence at this weekend's conference was greatly appreciated. It is always nice to be with you and your company. You are doing a fantastic job of keeping the southern division running smoothly (Haha, don't even think it, you dirty-minded people-- I'm CLEARLY talking about his geographical location!) and we appreciate your hospitality to our delegate we sent your way this weekend. We are currently investigating our need for someone of your calibre up here in our division. If you are thinking of relocating, I'm sure we can accommodate your needs. I would be nothing less than happy to have you working with our team up here, and I'm willing to negotiate terms of your contract, should you feel that our division is more suited to your liking.
Please don't hesitate to call, I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
The BOSS!


Dear Mr. Economy,

I would sincerely appreciate it if you got off your lazy butt and did something productive around here. Your inability to get a move-on is, quite frankly, a little tiresome and overplayed by now. You have a job to do, and the rest of us are busy working ourselves to the bone to fix your asinine issues.

Your lack of commitment around this office has negatively affected others in your absence. Our CFO in charge of Adolescent Affairs is in need of future revenue, and our company is in need of further increase in order to keep our business in this location.

If you wouldn't mind getting back to work here at the office, that would be a good move to make on your part. Unfortunately, should you decide NOT to pick up a bit of the slack you've created, the terms of our employment agreement state that there is nothing I can do about it. So this is my proverbial flippage of the bird in your direction.

Indignantly,
CEO, CFO, CAO, COO, CSO



Dear Mr. Energy,

We look forward to your return to our location in the near future. We trust that your extended leave was well-spent, and assure you that there is much to do to remedy your absence. Our bottom line does not look as promising as it did before you left, and we are eagerly anticipating your expert attention to those issues.

We understand that your return from your sabbatical is possibly temporary through the summer months, as it usually is, and trust that you will be able to achieve our needed goals before your winter hiatus again.

Thank you in advance for your enthusiasm throughout the coming months.

Yours,
Mrs. Stella Corpulent

Still Laughing

Okay.... Shut. The. Front. Door.

This is hilarious. I guess it's been a while since I've watched TV, and maybe this is sooo old news. I don't care. I just 'found' it last night. But honestly people, if you didn't want to laugh, you definitely don't want to watch this! Ellen cracks me up. But in case you're not an Ellen fan, you can still find the humour in THIS too!

Yes, I'm still self-medicating with humour. It's not fixing the..uh..urge I mentioned sometime last week or so... but at least it makes me laugh at myself. Or others. Cuz, laughing at others is WAY more fun. Clearly. And I know there's quite a few of you readers who are also having harder days lately, and maybe, just maybe, you'll smile with me.

I know, I know, these posts, as my friend informed me yesterday, are boring. Well, what I REALLY want to blog about, I can't. And what I DON'T want to blog about, I still can't. So, frankly, until I figure my stuff out or find alternate blog fodder, we get humour.

And, it only took me all night to find this commercial, but does anyone else remember this? I loved it as a child. I don't know WHY. Watching it now is almost scary. But it brings me back and makes me happy. :)

Watch This!

The best way to beat a crappy mood? Talk with friends. Take a long rollerblade. Have a shower where NO ONE is bugging you. And, when all else fails, try these:

There is nothing more heartwarmingly charming and cute than this. In 60 years, I want you to find me at my retirement home-- and make sure that me and my super-cute husband are THIS in love and THIS full of fun! *YOU MUST CLICK!*

Now this is totally awesome. Sometimes, it takes someone like this to break stereotypes. When the band teacher asked this kid what instrument he wanted to play, I'd venture to guess that THIS wasn't the answer he expected to get! I'll bet this dude was beaten up in elementary school. *clickage*

And, seriously, this guy's mouth. TALENTED! Watch the whole 2 minute thing, cuz, SERIOUSLY, each time I think he's reached his 'abilities', he does something new and I sit here going, "Whoa".
*Click heeeeeeeere*

I'd Like To Thank The Little People- And By That, I'm Not Being Politically Correct for 'midgets', I Mean, All Those People Lesser Than Me! ;)

Yep, it's true. Sorry for all you runner ups.
*clickety click here*

Maybe next year!

Childhood Logic

Mimi comes around the corner, pantless as usual, playing a game with her siblings.

Mimi: Na na na na na,, you can't catch me. ha ha haha ha, I the biggest!
Bear: No, you're not the biggest.
Mimi: Ha hahaha ha, I'n the boy!
Bear: You're not a boy, Mimi.
Mimi: no! I'n the boy! See my penis!?
Bear: you don't have a penis, Mimi. You're too little for a penis.

!!!!
How old are you when you grow your penis!!??

Um, Bear's a little confused apparently. Time for a biology lesson.

Playing House

My kids are funny.

True, true, every mother says that about her kids at one point or another (I'd hope), but lately these monkeys make me laugh.

They're into playing 'house' all the time. We get elaborate story-lines, complete with costumes and family pets (which MAY or MAY NOT be one of the children!) and we get cars and... well, you name it. Sometimes they're assigned to certain roles, and other times, they get to pick their demise. "I'm the Mom and you're the horribly acne-prone, sarcastic teenage son who likes to eat bread and butter by the pound. And Mimi. you're the dog." Something along those lines, right?

So, the other day, Bear and LL were playing house.

During 'house', they decided to watch a drive-in movie.

They hadn't quite established their roles yet, so they sat in their chairs, watching High School Musical.

Bear looks up at the screen and sees this girl.
He turns to his sister, and declares, "I'm her Daddy."




Chris and I nearly fell on the floor laughing! Atta boy! lol
Reminds me of the Friends' episode I watched on reruns last night.

Watch from 8:11- 9:00

It Just Snow Funny!

("On the other hand, the neighbours keep planting nice, big trees next to us")

("Eggplant Casserole tonight?" "Why, Yes!")

("First she says go out, now she says come in!")

("Snow Sharks?" "That guy's a goner.")

("Mom and Dad don't value hard work and originality as much as they say they do")

("You have to admit, it's slowed down the traffic on our road.")

("You don't like my 'Snowman House Of Horror,' do you?")

("I think we'd better get that kid to a psychologist")

My friend, Genkibond, reminded me of the simple joys I draw on in cold, blustery, yucky, slushy days. With running in the snow, I'd like to be able to draw back on images like these to make the run that much more enjoyable.

I mean, you could all learn my routes, and then set up 'mock' scenes (as seen here)

and periodically change them up each week so I don't get bored of the same ones.

OR

I should invent something like the Ipod, only, like glasses. Where you can run AND watch a movie/scenes. I'd upload Calvin and Hobbes like candy! OOOhh-- Happy Candy Friday!

I've found that I have a way better run when I'm distracted from the PAIN ALL OVER by something good on the TV. Of course, this is because treadmill running is BRUTALLY boring! And Dora just doesn't cut it ALL the time!!!

I'm really really hoping Santa brings me an Ipod for Christmas. I have used Chris' in the past, but he changed all the settings, and now my cool country music, my rocking religious tunes, and my stellar showtunes are no longer on the playlist. geesh, how rude, hey? ;) So yah, if Santa doesn't get one for me, I will splurge for myself and get one Boxing Day. I can't run an hour and longer with my own THOUGHTS!! GAHHHH!!! kill me now!! Can you imagine how crazy I'd be at the end of this training!?!?! Tired, sore, sickly thin (here's hoping), out of breath, and having 5-hour long conversations with myself! yikes! And you thought I was crazy already! I'm not crazy. Yah, right. You know, nobody asked you. Well, nobody else wants to tell you the truth to your ugly face. Oh yah, jerk? Take THIS!!!

Still AFK!!!

Sorry, guys-- still decorating. I've been given a carpet cleaner from my friend for the day, so today I'm gonna clean carpets and finish most of the decorations. I won't be doing the tree for a week or two, though, so there will be boxes in my front room for a bit. (grumble) Someday I'll post again-- with my more free time. Still no dayhome kids. And tomorrow I have my birthday present to myself: my yearly physical. Joy of lameness.

HAHAH, funny. Saw this on THIS blog.What a moron. Funny. Good actor, dumb as a post, apparently.

Okay, off to vacuum.

Mars and Venus

I have no news as of late. So, we're gonna talk about my favourite and least favourite subject:
Men.
Can't live with them. Can't live with them.

I think that's how that saying goes. :) Nonetheless, I find women far more fascinating. I mean, if you really think about it, men are kinda boring and dumb. You understand one, you most likely understand most of the others! ;)

My guide to the common Man. I call it, "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Understanding A Complete Idiot".

• When a man gets sick, it is inevitable they will become the BIGGEST babies ever! EVER! you wanna talk about how much pain you're in with your headache/tummy ache/hangnail? How about the baby I pushed out???? THREE TIMES. And yes, referring to the babies I pushed out is ALWAYS the kill-all to an argument on pain. I win. Hands down. (and legs up. lol)
• Guys must rearrange their packages. It's in the "I'm a Man and Do Things For Stupid Reasons" handbook (now available free with the purchase of "The Complete Idiots Guide to Understanding a Complete Idiot"). They like to say it's because they're itchy. Or pinched. (??!!) But we know it's because they're worried it's gonna fall off and then they'll only be good to us for lifting heavy things! lol
• Men are easy to please. They want only a few things:
  
  • Sleep. Or else they're the grizzly who was woken in February.
  • Food. Or else they're the grizzly who was woken, HUNGRY, in February
  • TV/Computer/Sports/machines ... pick your poison. Your man has one.
  • Sex.
    'nuff said.

Women, though. Complex, complex creatures. However, I've made things a bit simpler.
I call it, "The Celestial Pursuit: a Guide to Understanding and Loving The Superior Sex"

• It is totally normal and acceptable to pack high-heels for our overnight camping trip, 2 sweaters in July, and an average of three outfits a day. This does not include shoes.
• Which brings me to my next point: shoes have categories. Comfy-ugly, comfy-cute, comfy-danceworthy, comfy-sexy. Hideous-practical, Hideous-stylish (they may be in style, but they're ugly). Stylish-clubbish, stylish-soccermom. And Sexy, which is a whole subcategory in and of itself!
• The junk men keep is just that: junk. Ugly college sweaters that are tattered and, were you to try to put it on, barely makes it to the top of the beer-belly. No, women don't keep junk. We keep treasures. They are NOT junk. Do NOT throw away the classic, oversized, ripped T that an ex-ex-ex-twice-removed gave to us when we were cold at the playground in grade 7 and then we kissed behind the portables. It is NOT the same as your nasty college shirt. And yes, it STILL smells like him.
  
  SOME day I will use that wooden baby-changetable in the basement. I may need to break it down and use it for firewood if I ever find myself homeless and need to cook my ichiban on a fire. Stop making fun of me, because you never know WHAT you're gonna need if you're homeless, and I may think that changetable is more important than other things, okay?
• You're right. You don't deserve us. Most important one to learn.
• If all else fails, chocolate. Let's remember this entry.

I actually *DID* a persuasive essay in grade 10 titled, "The Superior Sex". It was a good one. Went to the Surrey High School Speech Competition Finals. I don't remember totally what it consisted of, but it was good. :) Actually, tidbit about me.. I really enjoyed doing essays/speeches when I was younger. I'd like to say that public speaking is something I'm slightly above-average on. Not exceptional. Just good. As mentioned before, I think it is because I'm an attention hog.

A few things of enlightenment I'm sharing regarding the differences between men and women:

1. If Sin, Kare, Debbi and Ho Ho go out for lunch, they will call each other Sin, Kare, Debbi and Ho Ho. But if Vegan, Chris, Bob and John go out for a pint, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.

2. When the bill arrives, Vegan, Chris, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want because it's on sale. This is what we call thrifty.
   

4. A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. Admittedly, some women would not be able to identify a few, either.

5. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. Who isn't gay.

6. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

7. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

8. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings, funerals.
   

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Happy 336th Month-aversary

As of 6:38 AM today, I am:

You are 27 years old. You are 336 months old. You are 1,461 weeks old. You are 10,223 days old. You are 245,360 hours old. You are 14,721,638 minutes old. You are 883,298,330 seconds old.

Personally, that's kinda cool. Pointless, but cool, no?

I had a nice weekend. Friday night, Chris and I rented a few movies. We watched "The Lazarus Project", which, I'm not keen to recommend. In case you were wanting to see it. It's just.. 'okay'.

Then on Saturday he played in a volleyball tournament, so I trekked the kids out to cheer him on. It made me want to start playing volleyball. I watched some of the girls on the teams, and I swear, I could keep up to their levels! It would be another thing for us to do together. Or, at least TRY. Maybe I'd hate it. He still has his men's league, too, so I wouldn't be infringing on 'his time'. We'll see. When I'd play, I have no idea! lol maybe we'll just play together and brush up on my skills (BAHAHAHAH, skills! AHAHAHAHA, *tear* man, I'm funny!) before I join a team.

Sunday, LL gave a talk in church. I love watching her grow up- watching her do it all on her own, watching her read, watching her look over at us when it finished for the 'nod of approval'. I love that. So grown-up, and yet, so adorably childlike and innocent.

Wow, this post has NO substance!!

hmmm. uh,, something of substance...

A blogger put this on her site and I totally LOVED it. I've never heard this song, but I liked it. In my bitter-days, this is EXACTLY how I felt!
If I Were A Boy- Beyonce

I looked up the words to this song, and it's another good 'angry' song.
I Don't Care - Apocalyptica





Yep.. That's the substance for the day! lol Enjoy.

Failed??

I'm in the mood to share funny things. You've probably seen some of them before, but oh well. Props to MC for sending some of these to me! Thanks girl! As seen on the pictures, you can find some really funny ones on the website listed. There's a few good movies too! LOL (check out the failed best man one currently on page 2- hahah)














A few are dirtier than some, but still somewhat funny.

Happy Gobble Day!

And by gobble, I mean it in both the "turkey says gobble gobble" way, and in the "gobble up your turkey and stuffing" way! lol

I'm having a GREAT time with Chris' family. Will post pictures when I get home, but I love being here.

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!