Farewell, My friends

I have started and restarted this post a bagillion times. And I've thought about what I would say and how I'd make this work.

Over a year ago, I started this blog. I was going through an excruciating time in life, trying to figure out where Chris' and my relationship was heading. I was sad. I was drained. I was searching. I was conflicted. And I knew that, in some way or another, the year held many more changes..

I have always loved writing. I love getting my thoughts on paper, and as a mom, finding time to type was easier than sitting down with my paper journal. I didn't think many people would read this blog, as I only told family and my closest friends about the URL (blog address).

Before I knew it, I had people searching for me online. People from all over the world who would comment and follow along in my life. Somehow I brought some people hope. Somehow I brought some people laughter. And somehow I brought people insight.

But I wrote for me. I wrote my story according to what I wanted the world to know. The truth, perhaps only shared in pieces. My cathartic confessional.

I go back to my "FOCUS" for the year. MAKE THE CHANGE. Change is good. I was talking with Em today about being unhappy, and how there are so many things that we all do in life that KEEP us unhappy. Things that we can change if we just get up and do it. Things that maybe we're afraid of, but we KNOW we need to do. Things that may continue to hold us down because that's the only place we choose to be. Being held back because of our laziness. Or our fear. Or our anger towards someone else.

I am making the change. I am grabbing the sharper knife.

452 published posts later, I have now got over 150+ readers DAILY. I have some who visit daily, some who visit weekly, and even some who stalk
visit multiple times a day.

I am not a secretive person. I have no enemies of my choosing, and I have no animosity towards anyone. However, my blog is not 'mine' anymore. I have to watch what I write because of people I know who read. There are exes. There is EF. And I don't want to have to do that in my blog. The angst that this blog started with is no longer in my heart.

The blog now isn't only mine...I am not single. I have Will. We are a package now. And, I have perfect peace in life now. I have a beautiful family. And I have hope like no other! I have never known a love so amazing, and, if I could share even just a morsel with everyone, I would. Divorce is a horrible, hurtful, hard road. I have been so blessed in spite of some of my choices. I do NOT wish an affair, or a divorce on ANYONE. But, if you are one of those fateful unlucky, my empathy and heart and prayers go out to you. Keep doing what makes you YOU, and, I hope, you'll find someone who makes you HAPPY in the near future, as I have been so lucky to find myself.

I was seriously contemplating making this blog private, and just continuing the story from here. But I think that it's better to put ALL my heartache from the past behind me and to leave on a good note. Secondly, I want people to continue to stumble on this blog as some have done, and, hopefully somehow, they'll find a post that may help THEM through a divorce/separation/first-time dating.

So, friends, I am closing this blog. This is my last entry as Debbi from Daisyhalos.

I am, however, opening a new one. A blog with the pitfalls and happinesses of raising 4 bonus-children alongside my own. A blog of a second, BETTER, marriage. A blog where I don't feel like I have to hide certain information from strangers, people from my past, and the general public.

My "followers" will be allowed on the new blog with their email addresses, and family members too. So, friends who I don't have as listed followers (and I know there are quite a few), send me an email to debbirn2b@hotmail DOT com, and I'll put you as an allowed reader. *EDIT* I can't get my follower's emails, blogger's being silly. So, sorry guys, but just send me an email saying "hey" and I'll make sure to get you on the safe list.

Until I meet you on the other blog, friends, I bid Adieu.
In honour of my last Daisyhalos Six Word "Wednesday", I write:


And They Lived Happily Ever After.



***FINAL EDIT*** after a bunch of contemplation, I realized that being a private blog annoys the heck out of me. Besides, I'm really not that interesting! ;) So, the new blog can be found at www.ninepeasinthepod.blogspot.com See you there! :)

9/52

It's the ninth installment of Find Mom Friday. And, I'd just like to say, that I don't think I've been in as many pictures as I have been lately! ;)

So, although these are LAST week's photos, here's a few more candid wedding photos of me being a mom. I missed FMF last week, though, so now I'm a week behind. Oh well. :)

(Taylor and I, after the reception.)

(Bear and I, dancing and having fun!)

(Mimi's kiss after the ceremony when we danced out of the chapel outside)

(Five of the seven kids, watching Mommy come down the aisle)

Luna de Miel

Will and I didn't really plan a "honeymoon". With kids just BARELY starting school, and so much work for him to finish, we weren't even sure we would be able to spend even one night away.

THANKFULLY, we have AWESOME family members on both sides, so with a LOT of co-ordinating, we sent seven kids in different directions, and Will and I were able to take a mini-vacation.

My sister, Marci, helped me out of the wedding dress and into my surprise for Will. Now, before you get too curious, I have never been a lingerie-wearing girl. But, Sin shopped with me and we actually found something I knew Will would like that I could handle. So, here I am, my sister and sister-in-law having a permanently engraved image of me in lingerie in their heads. And they didn't even laugh! True sisterly love right there!

Will and I left Calgary REALLY late, after going to dinner with my family at a restaurant that took FOR-E-VER.

(checking the photos at the restaurant while we waited an HOUR for food!)

Given-- it may have seemed a LOT longer to Will and I than it did to the others. Funny how that worked! lol

(I think it was at this point that everyone at the front door SAW those pretty underthings!... I was glad we shut the door quickly to avoid any further embarrassment. For not being a virgin on her wedding night, I sure felt sheepish saying goodbye to everyone anyways!)

We drove an hour and a half to Red Deer, AB. The armpit heart of the midwest, right? ;) Right. Checked into the hotel that Will had booked...
It was AWESOME!!

A beautiful room with a jacuzzi bath. And believe me-- after a day in a corset, spanx and blue stripper shoes, a hot bath spoke entrancing words to me!

While I started my bath, Will also got his "surprise" together. NO, it wasn't this:

althoooooough......... :) kidding.

In fact, it was super cute. He had bought my fave chocolate, complete with fresh strawberries, and bought wine glasses. Then he filled the glasses with my favourite wine.

TOO cute.
(yes, they're wine-gums)

And that's that.
At this time, I would like to officially remove my name from the CBF file. To all those remaining-- my love and deepest sympathies! ;) Dad, stop reading now.
Lemme just say, girlfriends-- I slept really well that night! lol

The next morning, we ran a bunch of little errands (returning tuxes because Monday was a holiday), checking out and in to another hotel, getting lost downtown with all the stupid one-way roads.. regular stuff. Red Deer was where I was born, so I took him out to my old house, where we ate burgers and laid on the hill outside, looking at the sky and watching the kids on the playground.

And then I took Will to see my last family member. With all my siblings able to be at our wedding, there was only one more sibling Will hadn't met.

So, we went to the cemetery, and he 'met' my older brother, Steven, where we left a bouquet of the wedding flowers so he, too, could be part of our day.

(haha, this photo makes me laugh, because Will was all, "uh, am I supposed to smile? Or look sad?" So instead, he looks in pain! lol)

We went to the movies, we ate steak and lobster dinner, we took midday ..uh... naps. It was AWESOME being without kids for a few days, and no responsibilities or worries, and no one phoned us (except the realtor to tell us the house was sold, so we excused that one!;) ) . It was super fun shopping together, dressing each other up in outfits, and just being US.

Although we had to come home and clean houses and get back to the grind, the few days away were wonderful.

Not Me Monday- Married Mayhem

So, I sent Will to work this morning. It was NOT super cute when, after he made the bed, he whined in a little-boy voice about how he'd NOT like to just stay in bed with me all day. I do NOT agree. This honeymoon may look over, but we're definitely not admitting that to ourselves yet!

But, although having him home with me last week was NOT fantastic, I did NOT get WAYYYYYY behind in my housework! Not like I was distracted or anything! ;) I seriously do NOT have a ROOM FULL of laundry to fold today as EVERYTHING in my house was washed last week, twice. I do NOT have a bunch of stuff to put away, and I do NOT have a million thank-yous I want to get written!

I also have NOT failed to mention, in the course of a NOT busy week last week, that my house in Calgary is NOT finally sold as of Tuesday last! DONE! I can not tell you how happy I am NOT! It is NOT a great thing to know that I can finally move my furniture into this house, and NOT make it finally feel like a home. Will and I had NOT wanted to get some renovations done first, but timing is just not there, and being married is busy! ;) VL
The new family does NOT take possession on the first of October, so really, this month is going to be just as busy as last month! Will does NOT have to finish that hotel we worked on together, and a bunch of other smaller jobs, I do NOT have to go back to Calgary to get my van once it's finished, and I do NOT have to start working to make a few ends meet too. I will NOT likely start working for my mother-in-law, which is NOT a nice idea, seeing as how Mimi can NOT come to work with me.

Chris got a job, he told me last night. BUT, it's a job that's not stable for hours or scheduling, so I may have the kids a lot more. On top of that, he may NOT be moving another hour and a half away in the OPPOSITE direction of Calgary because of this, so his weekends will NOT entail a lot of driving. Alas, life goes on, and Chris, Will and I will figure it all out.

If you are NOT sick of wedding pictures, too bad! I do NOT plan on reliving the best day of my life over and over again on this blog! ;)

Six Word Saturday- Newlywed

Three weddings, two baptisms, one funeral.


My favourite part about being married so far (at least, the part I care to share with the world :) ) is falling asleep and waking up each day with Will beside me. Even on our honeymoon, he would wake before me and kiss me. Although I could go back to sleep, I didn't like that I was being woken up.

So, today, I asked him if he wouldn't mind just letting me sleep in without him waking me with a kiss. Not that I don't like his kisses, but because I rarely get to sleep in and I'm fighting a cold.

So he woke up, and while I was sleeping he left the room, unnoticed... just because he knew I wanted that, and because he wanted to make me happy.

I woke up without him there.
And I hated it.

It was NOT what I thought I wanted. And when he came back into the room while I was waking, I batted my pretty eyelashes, and conceded that he was right-- waking with a kiss is WAY better than sleeping in.

Today Will and I attended a funeral. What a week. It sure puts perspective on things when you attend funerals-- What will people say about me when I die? What little stories will they share?

It was a good time for reflection, so Will took me out to a lake nearby where we watched bats, listened to coyotes and counted satellites and shooting stars. We talked about death, about our belief in life after death, about how we want to be buried or where. It is one of those talks that, knowing this is the person you'll die beside, actually brought me comfort. Maybe I'm more comforted because we believe that we aren't DONE after death. In a years time, Will and I will take our families and be sealed together for eternity in an LDS temple.

I'm grateful for that.
I think that knowing that Will's aunt is reunited with her husband today is comforting to her 9 children left behind.

And, so when I sleep the long sleep of death, the day that Will and I meet again in heaven, is yet another day I look forward to waking up with him beside me.

The Start of Something Good

I'm Mrs. McSpanky!!!!

The honeymoon is done, and we're on our way back to 'reality'... being a Mom and a Dad. Being married, fixing an old house, bills and work and being SO COMPLETELY IN LOVE!!!

Monday was a holiday in Canada (Labour Day), and our wedding was simply amazing! I have so much to say and no idea even where to start.

So, this will be a blog of mainly photos, and we'll talk more during the upcoming days. Assuming I'm not too busy snuggling and cuddling with my sexy husband!

My first thought-- SO MANY people helped with this wedding. Doing more than I even KNEW they did. I am so humbled by the amount of work that went into putting everything together. THANKFULLY, I was fairly unaware of the 'issues' the morning of the wedding, as everyone took care of everything for me. So, for those who were part of this wedding-- whether it was as the kitchen people, or as a wedding planner, or an amazing and patient photographer, a cake decorator extraordinaire, and even a date of my brother's who set up the gym and didn't even KNOW me or Will... I want to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart. My day with Will was amazing, and I'm sooo pleased and elated in how everything went.

Something old: The garter was made by my mother with fabric from when I was a little girl.
Something new: the dress
Something borrowed: my sister's makeup
Something blue: the shoes. I LOVE THESE SHOES!

We couldn't find the keys, so I was a tad late for the ceremony to start. But I got to the chapel (thanks Sin) and met my mom and dad there. My father gave me a blessing-- the last one as Debbi Barber, and it was a touching moment. Then he and my mother went into the gym, and the kids filed down the aisle. Will followed them, and trust me, he looked AMAZING!!!!

And then I walked into the chapel to music that Kare had MADE for me. It was a gorgeous song, with my sister playing her violin. They were fantastic. They also played a song I requested for during the signing of the marriage certificate, a song Will loved and didn't know I asked them to play. It was perfect, and I loved his little gasp when he heard them start playing. Tears brimmed his eyes, and it made me smile.

It was a sweet, SHORT ceremony, and then we exited the chapel dancing to music on our way to a wonderful, outdoor reception.Then, the party was over, and Will and I took the kids and got lots of photos with V done. Some really cute shots! I can't wait to see her pictures, I know they're going to be simply AWESOME!!

And Will and I, of course, couldn't leave the chapel with a decorated car-- NOT only because our car is currently rented because the van is in the shop being fixed from our deer incident-- but because that's just not Will and I. No, THIS is Will and I! :)

And, after a wonderful dinner with my family, Will and I took off on our honeymoon.

It all fell into place, and our wedding day was a perfect day of love, colour, happiness and family. I couldn't have asked for anything to be different or better!

Six Word Sunday

Yikes, it's technically Sunday, but I'm still awake so I'm considering it still Saturday in my head.

So, today's six words:

First time to inherit a sister!


Yes, my brother and Nellie got married today. They're super cute, of course, and it was a great day. Even when it rained for, like, 1/2 a minute.

She's the first to 'infiltrate' the sorority of my sistas. And we're glad to have her. She's hot, we'll let her in! ;)

Now it's the final wedding---- MINE and WILL'S!!!! Very exciting--- photos to come on that one next week! So much to do in the meantime! Like, go to bed! I'm sleepy-- this three wedding, two baptism thing is TIRING.

In Point Form

• http://vimeo.com/1531870

I love this video! I loved it when I first saw it, and ended up playing it so often that now my kids sing along. Yes. My kids sing along to Queen. lol

• With my brother's wedding taking up the better part of this weekend, I'm down to some final time in order to get OUR wedding ready. You should see my planner-- CRAZY notes on notes on lists of lists. Seriously. It's getting to the point that I don't know what list to start with-- here I think I'm all smart and organized, but there's so much to do that my organized lists are overflowing! AHHH.

I never 'planned' my wedding to Chris, since we only had an 8 day engagement. So this is new to me.

• Having step-children, especially one who lives with me full-time, is a big adjustment. I am learning that, although Will's kids are seriously fantastic... and he's a super father to them AND my kids, we don't always agree on parenting styles. We agree ENOUGH. But there's going to be growing pains and a LOT of lessons learned--- and I'm mostly talking about just ME! I know I have lots to learn

There's power struggles with LL, who is used to being the oldest and now she has 'competition'.

• I'm so excited about the wedding. But, moreso, I'm excited about having Will live with me. Although right now I see him A LOT more than I did when I lived in Calgary, it still sucks when he tucks me in to bed each night and walks out the front door. I look sooooo forward to sleeping with him beside me-- a warm body to keep the sheets from freezing, a rhythmic breath to lullaby me to sleep, a shoulder to 'pillow' me and a kiss first thing in the morning. I look forward to 'life' starting to settle a bit, where I can cook dinner for him, where I get to spend every other weekend dating him. I look forward to the MARRIAGE.

I am watching my two siblings get married within a week of each other, and, naturally, it's their first marriages. But having been married before, both Will and I come into this a bit tentitavly and jaded. We know marriage can be SUPER and fantastic, but we also KNOW it is harder than anything else. My siblings may HEAR and understand that sentence, but they don't KNOW it. Kinda like when you are pregnant-- you read and prepare as much as you can for that baby, but until it ACTUALLY comes, you realize there was NOTHING that could prepare you for the REAL parts. Like that wedding day euphoria...where you believe life only gets better from here with cake and flower petals all the way...I kinda wish i could go back to those days, but I'm grateful for a better idea this time around. And for a better partner for the trip.

I may be a realist. I may be jaded. But seriously, you guys... I am so in love with this man.

Now I'm off to get marriage licences and stuff put together. We have a bit of an issue because of the stupidity of Will's ex, Sarah, so we are in the middle of fixing that today. Good times.

It's a Good few weeks!

The beginning of September is already shaping up to be AWESOME!!

Along with the BEST part-- marrying Will,

my TWO kids (LL and Bear) started school all day (yay),

I get to see ALL my siblings,

(Kiki's wedding this past weekend)

my van will be fixed from our little Bambi-hitting incident,

LL and her cousin got baptized (okay, it was technically August, but whatever)

I 'inherited' a new daughter full-time, and...

as of tonight....

I conditionally sold my house!
YAY.
*now you see why I haven't been blogging much! :(

Sometimes you give yourself a nose-bleed, but once in a while, it pays to be picky!

Today, my little sister marries the man of her dreams. And I mean that in every way.

Have you ever seen the movie, Practical Magic? In it, Sandra Bullock and her 'sister', Nicole Kidman, make a wish/spell where they imagine a man who won't exist. A man who can do fantastical feats that no normal man could do ALL of... ride a horse backwards, whose favourite shape is a star, who has one blue eye and one brown eye.. stuff like that.

They make a list. As children.

And then... eventually... that man shows up. That exact man.



Years and years ago, Kiki made a list like that- a fantastical list of qualities that no 'normal' man could possibly possess all of. A list that we mocked her for.
And today, she marries the man she looked for. A man with those qualities.


I couldn't be happier for her and Ken. They are wonderful together, and my heart is filled with hope and love for them!!

Glad to have a new brother, Ken.
Congrats to both of you!

Six Word Saturday- Last One?

It's Six Word Saturday, where you describe your week in 6 words. It's really fun to play- so visit www.showmyface.com if you wanna join in. Cate started it. Blame her. :)

My six for the week?

It totally sucks that summer's over!


This is my last 'free' weekend of the summer. Next weekend will be lots of fun, with the first wedding in my family, but it's not a 'free' weekend. I have weddings to attend and family to play with! That's work! ;) And the weekend after that? Wedding number 2! So, really, my Saturdays are gone for a while. Then, the Saturday after that? Will and I will be on a honeymoon! ;P Even if our honeymoon is ALONE IN THE 'NEW HOUSE' because I STILL haven't sold the old one.

And, bugger all, another neighbour listed their home for sale. MUCH cheaper than mine. crappy. So not amused.

Time for Some Confusion

While I wait for some unhallowed hour to come when my three monkeys will walk through the door, or more likely, be carried I have a moment or twelve to blog. FINALLY. Chris decided at the last minute to bring them home from BC a day early - leaving me scrambling to return the 2 hours back to Calgary in order to be here when they arrive. And, might I mention, he left at about 9 pm. And it's over 6 hours of driving. So, I may be up for a while yet.

I can't REALLY complain, though. I mean, Chris took the kids for the ENTIRE past week, so I could get the "old house" moved into the "new house". Don't let those confuse you-- it may be "NOT ME MONDAY", but when I say "old house", I mean the one I am moving out of-- NOT the "new house" I'm moving into. In reality, the "old house" is much newer than the "new house", seeing as "new house" was built about 30 years BEFORE "old house" was. Confused yet? :)

I have about one vanload left of "stuff" in this 'old house' to bring back to the new house. And then, old house is just a decorated shell. As I said before, I have one house that LOOKS functional... but ISN'T, and one house that DOESN'T look functional, but IS. Old house is just for show now. And hopefully, that show gets it a sale, too! Because I'd really like NOT to have two mortgages.

OOOOh...a few 'before' shots of our new house. For your laughing viewing pleasure. And yes-- we're FULLY aware that the kitchen is carpeted, the carpets in the house are wool and blue, OR shag, and yes, the curtains are to die for (or because of!). But in a few days, it'll be home sweet home. It's got GREAT square footage, and HUGE yard, and will fit our family. And I'm marrying a handy, clever, hard-working dude, so just you wait for the after pictures. Besides, it's not the furniture or the carpets that make a house a home...

Wedding plans are going great. I'm super super lucky to have some GREAT friends with amazing talents, and they're all CONVENIENTLY joining forces into one company. If you wanna see some of their work, check out their individual blogs or sites, (Vanessa= photography, Carla=catering, Keshia=graphic design, and Bree=Event planner) or, best yet, check out the company's blog, Mod Squad.

I'm also thrilled that so many others are helping-- sewing/altering dresses, decorations, music, cakes. Everything is coming together nicely, and we don't have much else to get ready. I can't wait to post pics for you guys.

And Will and I? buying a home and changing jobs and joining two families and renovations and merging bank accounts--- BIG changes. There's bound to be some speed bumps along the way of our first year of marriage. Lucky for us, being married before kinda helps us go into a new marriage with the understanding that those things lie before us. Unlike the first, VERY naive times we got married. This time, there's just a little less wool over our eyes. (let's not make another reference to the blue carpets already! ;) )