Funnies

A few new laughs. Just for fun.

Before I go make dinner (thankfully it's raining and soccer is cancelled so we get to eat at a descent hour tonight), I thought I'd mention a few things. Tune in to Global TV (Calgary- channel 7 SHAW) tomorrow morning-- you should catch me on it anytime after 8:15 a.m. for the last publicity interview before the show airs tomorrow night.

Here's the SLICE's description of my episode.. (if you click on the link, you can also see the episode guide for my and all the others' episodes)

Debbi is a young mother of three who used to be hot stuff. Even now she pictures herself as a pretty young thing – until she catches her reflection and is shocked by her own bulging body. Debbi knows her husband Chris is no longer attracted to her and she yearns to be the “trophy wife” on his arm. It is only once the pounds begin to melt away that Debbi realizes she is losing weight for the wrong person.

Dun dun duhhhhhhh..... This is gonna be hard to watch, I know it.

Metro News on X-Weighted

Today's "METRO" newspaper article, I thought I'd share with those who aren't in proximity of the free local publication.

Since it's hard to read, it's typed again below. But this is what it looked like on the page.

Shedding pounds not X-weighted
Two local women to be on TV show
By Krista Sylvester
May 06, 2008 01:34


One woman found her inner strength and another found emotional peace, but both women shared the same goal of losing weight.

Season 3 of the Slice series X-Weighted features two Calgarians trying to lose weight, showing their six-month journey through the trials of doing so, but the two stories couldn’t be more different.

"Miss G" (*changed by yours truly, for reasons of my own) is a 28-year-old mother of one, a roller Derby girl who has always struggled with weight issues and negative self-esteem. Debbi is a 27-year-old mother of three who doesn’t have time for exercising while trying to fix her marriage.

“The hardest thing for me was trying to overcome my emotional issues. I was always telling myself I was overweight, and hideous,” Miss G told Metro.

Miss G's photo that was featured in the article

Her main motivation for the show was to become a better role model for her two-year-old daughter. “Now I feel so much better about myself. And I can pass it on to my daughter. I finally feel like a true athlete and I’m a strong female.”

Debbi was also struggling with her weight issues vowing to lose 50 pounds. “More than just the physical aspect I overcame a lot of the emotional issues I was dealing with, which even outweighed the physical accomplishments,” She said.

All the Calgary X-Weighted participants (L-R: Miss G, Debbi, Melanie, Kristen, Jamila)

The X-Weighted episodes will air on Slice on May 7 and May 14. -krista.sylvester@metronews.ca

Lighten Up

Because husbands sometimes make me laugh, maybe this'll make YOU laugh too:

Dumb Blond Husband
A blond guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his four-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, walks past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
"You rotten jerk," says the husband. "My wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"

Stupidly Beautiful

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

During the Fight
Husband : “When I’m gone, you’ll never find another man like me”.
Wife :” What makes you think I’d want another man like you? '

(This one makes me laugh out loud everytime. ahahahah)

That Stinks

There was once this happily married old couple, well, they were happy apart from one thing, the husband's bad habit of breaking wind every morning. On their 30th wedding anniverary, the wife woke up,as usual, coughing and and gasping for breath.

She then decided that she was so fed up with this that she would get her revenge. So she went downstairs into the kitchen, picked up a big bowl, and filled it with raw liver, mashed potato, gravy, red wine and minced beef. She mixed it all up, went upstairs and dumped the contents of the bowl into the bed next to her husband.

She went downstairs and waited. About an hour later, the wife heard a couple of huge farts reverberate off the floorboards and then she heard a blood-curdling scream.

About an hour later the husband came down the stairs holding the "bloodstained" sheets and pyjamas. He then said 'wife, all these years you've been telling me, but I never did, but now I knew I should have listened.'

'What do you mean?' asked the wife, trying not laugh.

'All these years you've been telling me that one day I'd fart my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them all back in again'

Waiting and Weighting

Yah, so yesterday WASN'T a good day! how lame. Coulda been-- but everything went 'wrong' or not as planned.

Thankfully, Chris was able to come to church with me, which is usually really nice. And on top of that, I have a few really great friends who support me each week and I thank them from the bottom of my heart. Friends who listen to me and sit by me and give service to me. Friends who inspire me and love me.

The evening after church was fine.. BBQ'd dinner and just relaxed with the family for a while until bedtimes.

And that was my day. Pretty uneventful, eh?

I was SUPPOSED to have an interview on the phone yesterday for METRO magazine. They never called, and I had to somewhat wait by the phone. Now, they're calling sometime today, and again, I 'wait' by the phone. Lucky for me, today I have nowhere to go and nowhere to be. And WAY too many kids to WANT to go anywhere!

TWO MORE DAYS UNTIL THE X-WEIGHTED TV SHOW!!! I'm sooooo excited. After seeing the commercial, I'm more excited each time! (And more nervous). 2 days. I'm sure Thursday morning's blog will be allllll about my reaction. Or not, as i may be curled in a ball, crying in humiliation! lol

Onions and Tigers and Grease, oh my.

Finished the book, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It is an easy read, so I started it last night and finished it this morning. But it's a thought-provoking read, and in many cases I agree with his perception of love. I recommend this book. I think everyone will learn something positive about how to love their marriage and spouse, their children, their parents, and most definitely themselves in doing so. Read it. trust me.

If you HAVE read it, and wonder about me...

I scored exactly evenly on two 'love languages'; words of affirmation and quality time. Then, one point below that was physical touch. You want to show me you love me? Give me words of affirmation (compliments, supportive words, encouragement) and spend time with me. I think physical touch isn't something that, other than Chris, I really agree with. I'm not a hugger of friends, in general, and I don't touch people when I'm talking with them or anything. But I need to be touched by Chris, so I guess that's why I scored the way I did. I scored equally low (2 points only) on receiving gifts and acts of service. Not that I'd say NO to those things, they're just not as important to me as the others.

Yesterday was great.

We chilled for the morning- after I slept in, Chris took an early nap. I took Bear and Mimi to grab a few more of those books (Value Tales) from someone off Kijiji again so he could catch a nap. Then we got geared up and walked down the street to the site of the new Cranston chapel.

It will look like this. It also has a park with a 'pavillion' in the back for community and family functions.

I'm so excited to have it at the end of my cul-de-sac. We can see it from the house, and that's special to me for my kids' sake.

The ground-breaking ceremony was short, but cute. They gave shovels to every child and let them all 'ground break'. There was light refreshments and it was a fun half-hour. We got home, jumped in the van, and drove to Peter's Drive-In. mmmmm. Grease and milkshakes. gotta love a little indulgence. mmmm If you've ever been to Peter's, you know what I'm talking about. It hasn't changed in years and years, and that's what makes it great. I got onion rings for the family to share (trust me, their servings are HUGE, you HAVE to share!) and a tiger milkshake (black licorish/orange), Chris got a cheeseburger and Raspberry shake, Pooh got a bubblegum shake, and Mimi got an ice cream cone. (LL's at Girl Guide Camp until this morning.)

Then we came home, and had LATE naps. Which meant we'd be up late...No matter- Chris went out with a friend, and I read my book while the kids stayed up. I had hoped they'd sleep in today, but alas, 'twas not so. :(

I have a feeling today's going to be a good day. I like that thought.

My Girls

Every thursday night I hang out with my girls. My '8 Gothic Vaginas' and I all gather to spend some time out of the house and away from kids (mostly away from kids-- nursing/ young babies are allowed) and have good old-fashioned GIRL talks.

This started over 5 years ago, when a few girlfriends and I started to play volleyball once a week. We started inviting other friends, introducing friends to new people only we knew, and just having fun in general. We played volleyball for almost a year before we got a bit tired of it and started doing other things.

Now, 5 years later, we're still going strong. The members have changed a few times-- some new ones, some seasoned veterans, some have started new chapters in the places they moved to. But, once a GV, always a GV.

The 8GVs who were at the "DEATH BY CHOCOLATE" night, with film-crew for the X-Weighted show. Yes, we all have 'cult' shirts. We don't WEAR them for much ANYTHING else but GV nights, but they make us laugh.

Last night we were going to meet at Moxies for dessert, and then head to the movie 'BABY MAMA". I needed to pick up a book I'm reading, so the carpool of girls I was with and I stopped in at Chapters first. We ended up taking too long, and missed dessert, but no matter, since there's enough calories in that butter on theatre popcorn for me not to feel like I missed out on something!!!

The movie was really funny-- much funnier than I first thought it would be. There were 10 of us last night- a good group of girls. (missed you DJo-- where WERE you-- having a baby?! :) )

And then the Cranston girls drove back home after stopping at another store for a LOT of laughs and a LOT of advice. In true GV fashion, (we somewhat take turns on this--) someone broke down and cried during conversation, (last night, 2 did, but who's counting!) and this week wasn't my week. But NEXT GV night is on Wednesday, and they and their spouses are all invited to my house for the airing of the TV show. It will be MY week to cry, I'm fairly certain. Or maybe ALL of them will be crying of laughter!? lol

So, today I'm in the Swerve Magazine (a small insert into the Calgary Herald Newspaper every Friday). I thought I'd share it with ya'll who don't get this paper.

I know you can't see what it says, so I'll type it out below, if you're interested.

The weighting is the hardest part

Calgarian gets a reality check after signing on to show. by RUTH MYLES

Losing weight is hard enough, but add three young kids, a job, a husband and a camera crew into the mix and many people would run screaming for the Doritos. Debbi Barber, however, took all that as an incentive.

The 27-year-old Calgarian willingly went public with her weight-loss struggle when she signed on for an episode of X-Weighted, the Canadian doc series that tracks participants' battles to lose excess pounds.

"I'm a bit of an attention hog, I guess," Barber says with a laugh. "That was the motivator: knowing that if I didn't get on the show, I would have to lose the weight myself. It was a do-or-die kind of thing." With 50 pounds to ditch in a six-month period, there wasn't a lot of wiggle room in her plan. During the six-month experience, Barber held herself to a killer workout schedule: an hour of cardio six times a week, an hour of weights three times a week and two weekly sessions of two to three hours of training for her fitness-competition routine.

But the series has more on its plate than the physical aspect of weight loss. It digs around in participants' lives, exploring their relationship with food and others. Barber's episode, which opens Season 3 of the series, delves into how weight became an issue in her marriage. "Apart from learning a bit about what to eat, how to exercise, I really learned a lot about who I was and who it was I wanted to be. I just didn't anticipate that much of a personal revelation, as compared to a physical one."

Barber hasn't seen the episode and isn't sure where she'll be watching it, or with whom. "Isn't that the million-dollar question?...I'm afraid of feeling really vulnerable again. I went through a lot of really emotional times during the six months. I don't know if I'll watch it in my bedroom and have everyone else watch it somewhere else."

That said, Barber maintains that she would sign on for the experience again. "In a heartbeat." X-Weighted, Season 3, premieres Wednesday, Slice, Ch. 33, 9 p.m.

In Like a Lion

This is it. One month of reflecting and 'blogging'. And it's been so much fun, actually!

I can't believe it's MAY! And, in true Cow-town form, we wake up to snow. And alarm-clocks that aren't working! Were it not for Uncle coming into our room this morning to tell us the electricity was out, we would have slept in and I would have missed busses and children being dropped off! Ick.

Calgary's snow last night. It rained right after it snowed, so there's a layer of ice on top-- kinda fun to walk on as you ALMOST walk 'on water'. haha

Last night was Little Lyssie's (LL's) last day of Sparks. She was soooo excited, as I had recently sewn all her badges onto her sash so she would be in FULL uniform. By the way, I really LIKE to sew, but I'm terribly horrible at it! You don't want to see the outfit I made for myself once!

If I find a picture, I'll add it.

ANYWHO, we all got to her ceremony, where she would be 'graduating' to Brownies. They called all the girls up, but they didn't call LL's name. I was really confused. So, while they're 'flying up' or whatever it's called from Sparks to Brownies, I'm trying to get the attention of the leader.

All the girls had 'flown up', when I finally catch the leader. I told her LL should be advancing, and she asks what grade she's in. "One"..

Her face said it all. OH CRAP. Too late for LL, they shuffle her to the leader's table to give her a badge and pin for advancement. I was so blinking upsetted for her. Lucky for us, LL didn't mention it or even know she missed out on stuff. She was just happy to get another badge. But Chris and I weren't impressed.

The pin they give the girls from Sparks to Brownies

So, gripe finished.

Chris got home early yesterday, and spent half the day napping, half the day playing with me. It was nice for him to be home. And I hated sleeping in a big bed all by myself. Last night, both of us were pooped, so we went to bed at, like, 9 o'clock! I don't remember my head even hitting the pillow-- I was out in a second!

Midday, we sat at the table watching the monkeys all play in the newly-stocked sandbox. We talked about how I can support him and his needs versus his wants. We talked about moving to Estevan, SK because that's where his job could take him. (EW DOUBLE EW EW, neither of us WANT to move there-- we are NOT made for a town/city like that!). We talked about how today we're going to get a multi-million dollar house in the Foothills Home Lottery. hahaha. Wouldn't that be friggen AWESOME!? yep.. that house was made for us-- we're going to move in June! :P

Isn't it just beautiful!? Lucky for us, it's also in the most perfect community! We'd still have the same neighbours!