WIshing For Daisy Halos - 664..665..667..668

I guess I don't really know why I am the way I am. maybe it is part of my childhood, coming back to haunt my life now. Maybe it's the friends I chose, or the people who hurt me. Maybe it's all accredited to what I eat.

I often think about things that happened to me as a baby, things I don't know that happened, but may have affected who I am today. Like, certain things I think and certain urges to do something specific.. is that part of me because of how I was raised?

I like the idea of tarot cards and fortune tellers, I like hypnotists and star-reading. I don't know why, but it just kinda fascinates me. I don't put a lot of weight on those issues, but it's still entertaining anyways. I'm a Scorpio, and maybe the fascination is because of my personality traits according to my sign. But then, astrological signs are just another thing to add to the list. Is it Satan worshipping? It's really odd, though, because I don't put ANY credibility into people like that "crossing over" guy, who believes he talks with the dead. Maybe that's just my perception of heaven, and angels or whatever, but I HONESTLY believe that although he MAY be talking to beings not of this world, I don't believe his power comes from God. But then I contradict myself again, and think about the article of faith, "We believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues and so forth". So, if that's the case, why are we advised not to partake of such entertainment venues like fortune tellers and whatever else. Isn't a vision something of a fortune telling? Aren't tarot cards something of prophecy?

There's a lot of gray lines that I confuse myself on, stuff like that. Am I so disillusioned in my fascination with these things? Am I a bad LDS person, someone who really shouldn't call themselves as such? Am I like most LDS? (Even if I WAS like most LDS, does that still make it okay?)

I guess my desire to put off the natural man is really strong, but it's really fighting against something that I seem to enjoy too much. I mean, there's a lot of sacrifice in the church, why shouldn't this be another? I WANT to be the good example, the faithful woman who gets to see Jesus face to face without guilt or pain clouding my view. I just want the day of my trial to be happy, you know, a "well done thou good and faithful servant" kind of day. Can I be that person and still enjoy these things?

I think there's too fine a line. Or maybe there isn't, and I'd just like it to be, so it's easier to cross over.

Wishing For Daisy Halos - To The Dump

So my scale says I've lost five pounds. And the fact that the scale MAY be broken isn't going to play on my elation. No, seriously, I don't know HOW I lost the wieght, maybe just being more concious of what i eat and when and all that, but who knows. Hey, I'm not going to question it. And I know you all probably could care less about my incessant talk about wieght taking up all this room on your friends page, so I'll just shut up anyways.

Bear cut his first 2 teethes this past weekend. UGGG>. what a weekend it was too. But, oddly enough, the more I feed him real baby food, the less he wants to nurse. Like, at all!! So, indirectly, I'm weaning him, I guess. The drawback-- man, my boobs have never been this full since day three postpartum. THEY HURT!

Okay, actually now that I think about it, I might accredit my weight loss to my kids-- LL, in particular. She keeps me moving-- like, today's story.

We had to pick out our showers and our closets and our mirrors from this company (for the new house) today. I had the kids, since they only do day appointments, so here I am, trying to decide on stuff with her running around.

They have these mock showers set up everywhere. All of a sudden, I turn around, and there's LL, buck naked from the waist down, trying to take off her shirt as she stands in one of the showers. The sales guy just laughed.

But that's just the start of it. Frantically trying to put her clothes back on, I get her situated in front of a movie spot they have for kids around the corner. In no less than 30 seconds, I hear her on the opposite side of the store, singing away. The sales guy goes, "uhh, she's in the bathroom". Oh great. So, I run to the bathroom, and thankfully she didn't lock the door this time, so I go inside. Sitting there with her pants and underwear on the floor, she's singing her little heart out. She is actually sitting on the toilet bowl-- she didn't put the seat down-- leaving a dump. Crappy... and when I say crappy, I'm not trying to be punny. Ohh, the things you have to deal with when you're a mom. She's just so cute about it though, I can't help but laugh.

Man, there's been times I WISHED I could get away with leaving a dump at a public place where I could sing my heart out while I did it. LOL

(thinks) ***Okay, the comments that I'm going to get on THAT line.. ***

Wishing For Daisy Halos - 2 Nephi, 32 verse 3

Yesterday kinda bit butt. Chris was going to take the day off of work, because he could, basically. I would then get my sleep in-- a rarity in my life nowadays. Anyways, he takes the kids upstairs, and starts to cook breakfast, when the phone rings and it's his work. Apparently they're REALLY far behind and come Monday, their tardiness could cost over 60 thousand bucks. So he had to go into work anyways. So much for sleeping in.

A while after I've gotten dressed and got LL started on breakfast, there's a knock on my door. I go answer it, and there on my front step is the Jehovah's Witness that came to my house a while back. He brought his wife this time. Smarter now, I didn't let them in the house (besides, it was warm enough that I didn't feel TOO rude leaving them outside). I told him that when he left the other day, I didn't like the feeling that stayed in my home, and so I asked him that he not come back and explained that I didn't want to talk any further about it. He said that he noticed last time that I got uncomfortable, and wondered why. When i said that I felt very attacked, he of course said that that was far from his intentions. I know that. Still didn't change it.

His sentence was, "I really didn't mean to offend you, but if you knew that I, as your neighbour, was being lied to, wouldn't you want to warn me?" Okay, first things first-- what kind of apology is that!!! Second, he JUST did the thing that I was so bothered with the first time. I explained that I believed that I could say the same thing back to him, BUT I DON'T, because (believe it or not) I have more tact than that.

Anyways, I was getting more and more agitated, and he STILL kept saying stuff like that. Like, grouping Joseph Smith in with that guy from Waco, Texas, and the Hale-bop people and Muhammad Ali and all these people. That was very offensive to me. For one, I believe that Joseph Smith is a prophet of God, and he's grouping him in a group with people that aren't! So, yah, he just kept on attacking things that I loved and felt strongly for. I got him stumped a little when I said that he didn't shake my faith when he was here last time. I said that my faith was just as strong, if not stronger than his. His wife didn't say anything after that. In truth, he probably strengthened my faith, because the first thing that came to my mind was "angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost" from seminary. Man, I am SOO glad I didn't sleep through THAT morning class! :)

After 10 minutes of standing in the doorway, and getting more and more aggravated with him, I finally said that I didn't want to talk to him anymore, and I basically shut the door on their face.

That left my heart pounding.

I hate confrontation like that, and more-so, I hated being mean to them when I know that their job as missionaries is hard enough. I thought of my brother, going to leave shortly on his mission, and it broke my heart that people would do the same thing to him.

So, aside the fact that I'm on a new birth control pill, I started crying. my sister, who I'd normally call, was at Girl Guide camp. So I called home and spoke to my Dad. What a good guy.

Anyways. I still feel bad about being like that to them, and I guess I'm hoping that you will be able to make me feel better about that. Or, tell me I'm scum if that's the case. But should I have been like that? If the occasion arises again, should I do something different?

Wishing For Daisy Halos - Are My Garments Showing AGAIN!?

So, it's been two years and three months since I got my endowments. And still, every morning, I wake up in these horrible "underwear" and feel like a slob.

There's something to be said about a cute little matching bra and (dare I say the word?) panty set. A cute little pair of gitch that just sort of, holds your bum in place. None of this saggy, no support pair of shorts. And making the mud dirtier, i am wearing these nursing tops, with the WEIRDEST openings for, well, my uh... baby's bottles, as my daughter calls them. They actually don't fit my body, but they fit the, uh, "bottles". I am borrowing them from a friend.

Anyways, still hating these clothes. Every time i complain about them I feel unworthy to wear them, though. And I tell Chris how unsexy i feel in them, and he just says, then don't wear them. But he knows that by saying that, it only makes me feel worse. And I always say, no, I made a promise.

But oh, to be cute in a little bra and panty set. That was the life. You can't go out and buy some polka-dot bra to wear over these underwear, either. that's just too funny looking.

On a different note, the missionaries came over today. The new guy is cute, just a wee babe. He's just turned 19, and although he was a little quiet, Chris and i think he'll find his voice and he'll be cool enough.
He seemed nice and all, I think he's just still digesting everything. I mean, the poor kid, he still gets excited when he hears a plane overhead. (We live near the airport, so planes are often flying by, low.) He's very green, I'd say.

Wishing For Daisy Halos - Feeling a Little Green, Elder?

So, I'm totally tired throughout the entire day, but once 9 o'clock rolls around, I'm ready to attack the world! I mean, I hate that. I have something in my head that says that going to bed at 9 is too early, so I don't. Besides, there's good shows on-- I'd miss American Idol or some other reality show I'm hopelessly hooked on.
Today started a bit too early for my liking. Actually, ANYBODY who likes to get up at 5:15 in the morning has some serious thrill issues. I'm even a morning person.
I got the kids ready to go, warmed up the car (although the day was a beautiful, sunny 9 degrees) and drove to my sister's house. Her baby boy was having penis surgery, so they were out the door at 6. It was so sad, the poor boy has NO idea where he's going, or even why his mom won't let him nurse.
I was there for most of the day-- not exactly an easy feat for the faint of patience. I mean, it IS six kids, not including mine... (or the neighbour's kid who dropped by for an hour while she did some errands). Busy day. I hate macaroni on a good day, but making a VAT of the goo is simply repulsive.
Then i came home and finished the laundry (quite a feat since it's only Tuesday-- it usually takes me all week) and cleaned the house.
while making dinner, the missionaries stopped by. The one elder goes home tomorrow, so he came to say bye and take pictures and all that. It was actually sad. While Chris and I ate, we both talked about how this set of elders was the first set to really touch our lives. The FIRST set to touch Chris' life in a positive manner at all! We know that the other one is staying, but his new comp is green... like, totally fresh off the MTC boat! Uh oh.... Chris doesn't like those "baptise the world" kind-- they seem to not understand "not today". Whatever. We're hoping that we'll make him feel right at home and embarrass him and stuff.
So, here's my issue; give us GOOD ideas on how to break this elder in. Like, something prank-like that won't make him want to go running home to Mommy, but still really good. We thought his companion should get into bed with him the first night, saying that he's afraid of the dark and stuff. Maybe hide a pair of pretty panties under his sheets... but we need stuff WE can do at our house. And in case you're wondering, Chris will NOT act like a dog and slide down the banister like my father did with my sister's date. So don't even suggest it! :)

Wishing For Daisy Halos - Feeling Fat

So, I've been feeling a lot better about stuff lately. Funny, since i don't know what I was feeling bad about to begin with.

Now, I'm just looking for motivation. One day, Chris and I were talking about what we're physically attracted to. He told me that a bunch of his friends think I'm so wrong for him, because I'm not at all his "type". He told me that he likes really thin... LIKE... Stick thin girls, and tall. Which is fine, I couldn't care less that he likes that, because he loves me for me. And I know that a lot more now, because of the wieght fluctuations I've had during the course of our dating and married life.

I mean, he struggled with it for a while with Elysia, and that was really hard. But he's great now.

Point is, that I'm not that stick thin girl. I never will be-- that's just not my body type. And I won't be tall... obviously that can't change for the better. But I *CAN* lose wieght. And I need to.

I have never liked being fat. I hate it, actually. Which is partially why I hate nursing; because I can't really diet and do a heck of a lot to change my body. Sure, I can exercise, but then I'm starving. Circle of lame-ness.

But i lack the motivation right now, and that's bothering me more than being big. I mean, you can't complain about something if you don't try to change it-- especially if it is something that only YOU can change, you know? So, I want that drive, that desire to wake up early and get to the gym or go for a run or skip seconds or whatever. I hate my weakness lately, but feel no desire to actually get up and change it. I mean, I WANT to change it, but I don't want to do the work.

Pain is a precursor to change. So I need the pain to be bigger or something. I need SOMETHING.

Wishing For Daisy Halos - Going Once, Going Twice, Sold To the Lady With The Shopping Cart Home

So another day, another dull hair.

It was such a nice break to get a "sleep in" today. Because it was Stake conference, I stayed home. I know, I know, you're all going to sound like my mother. I don't need that-- when I talked to her yesterday, and mentioned that i wasn't going, her lack of reaction on the other end was lecture enough. Man, I hate that. I'm sure she was biting her tongue to a pulp with all the things she DIDN'T say to me yesterday...

Chris got up with the kids, made eggs, of course, since that's his thing to do when he's home. LL loves it. It only sucked that I wasn't really tired this morning-- of all the mornings, the one I actually get to sleep in for, I wasn't sleepy. meh. I managed to get back to sleep, dreaming ridiculous dreams as always, until I was awoken by the family-- Bear was hungry, as usual.

We went to work, looked at some REALLY pricey homes, then went to my sister's house for a birthday party for my nephew. He's such a cutie. I have cute nephews ans nieces-- even if some of them are dumb as rocks sometimes! See story below!! lol

Last night was kinda funny, kinda sad. See, Marce, my sister, was coming home from Ottawa via Calgary, so my sis here and I went to the airport to meet her. We brought my kids and four of hers. When I got there, her flight had been delayed about an HOUR!!!, so we took the kids to "kids' port", this playroom thingy. When her flight finally came in, she didn't get off the plane. We assume she wasn't allowed, because she had to be back on the plane in half an hour to get to Vancouver. It was so funny, my niece, a drama queen, said "I don't know how I'm ever gonna live if I don't see my Auntie". What a character. She's so blonde. So, we never got to see her. Which, in one way, was a good thing-- I had picked up MCDonald's for her, knowing that Westjet doesn't serve food and that she'd be hungry. But, because her flight was so late, the fries were rubbery, the burgers were soggy and cold, and the drink was flat and lukewarm. Nasty. I mean, McD's is gross at the best of times, but an HOUR after you get it... that's just repulsive. Oh well... LL enjoyed the nasty fries on the way home, and I drank the dyed sugar water. The burgers, well, they're probably going for top dollar on the seagulls auction down at the airport garbage bins.